We have a lot going on in our lives these days. Work is keeping us busy, we've ripped our house apart, and a major, life-changing event is ever on the horizon, yet never within a measurable distance. There's a lot on my mind to be sure, but at some point in the last few weeks, I took my eyes off of the One writing my story, and started trying to do it all under my own power. It's no wonder I snapped at my loved ones over dinner, or got hurt falling from my own pedestal of importance I had erected. When we try to do things in our own way, under our own strength, we will eventually start to fall apart. I am human, and when my eyes were on myself instead of the One who made me, I lost my balance and fell. Hard.
Seeing your own shortcomings is never as easy as pointing out the shortcomings of others. Last weekend, I was reminded of the fact that I am quick to judge - which is not necessarily a bad thing - and to share that judgement with others - which is a bad thing. I tend to be negative in my outlook - which I like to call being "realistic" - but when I constantly rebut other's ideas and comments with my "realism", eventually I come across as a Negative Nancy; and let's be honest, no one wants to be around her. As I told my husband this weekend, I don't enjoy being around myself when I'm like that, so I'm taking steps to change. Again.
As a Christian, I will never have it all figured out. There are aspects of my personality that will give me grief throughout my life here on earth, but that doesn't mean that I give in to them. I will always struggle with stubbornness and pride and anger, sputtering over being treated unjustly and fighting to keep my alter ego in check; but the hope is that I have fewer weekends like the one I just survived, and more days where people see Christ's fingerprint on my life. Admitting that you were wrong is hard, but acknowledging that you screwed up is necessary for growth. This weekend, I experienced one blunder after another (usually involving words flying from my mouth with little to no censoring), but yesterday I experienced forgiveness, and today I enjoyed renewed fellowship. Growing is Christ is a beautiful thing.
Also beautiful... PUMPKIN plants coming up in my side yard. Can't wait for autumn!