3.08.2011

Growing Pains

Last week was rough, for many reasons. Work was hectic and stressful, I started getting sick (or battling allergies - I can't decide) on Tuesday, and I had to come face-to-face with my quickness to temper and lack of control over my tongue. I had to apologize to someone for allowing my feelings to take over my speech in an inappropriate way. It wasn't nice. It wasn't fun. It was extremely humbling.


And yet, there is Hope. God isn't through with me yet. He's still working on my stinky attitude, my ability to come quickly to anger, and my lack of self-control. Thankfully I'm not in this alone.

I wrote down two reminders to carry with me at work. The first is found in Proverbs 17:27-28 (NLT):

A truly wise person uses few words;
a person with understanding is even-tempered.
Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent;
with their mouths shut, they seem intelligent.

The second reminder for me is an idea from James 1:19: QSS - we must be Quick to Listen, Slow to Speak, and Slow to Become Angry. There were many times towards the end of the week that I whispered to myself "QSS, Carrie - keep your mouth shut."

I have a B.S. degree in English, public relations, and journalism, but I am not working in any of those fields. In fact, I've never felt more incompetent in my life than I have in the last few weeks since taking this job. I deal with people who ask questions for which I don't know the answers. I feel like I'm constantly tugging at the sleeves of my co-workers saying, "How do I...?" The computer system gives me a headache. My slight OCD compels me to double-check certain jobs, which makes me slower which causes those above me to urge me to go faster. That's usually when I whisper, "QSS", because in my frustration with my lack of knowledge and feelings of inadequacy, my temper rises to the surface and I snap at people and say things that I regret as soon as they are out of my mouth.

In other words, I'm totally out of my element and God is using this time to teach me humbleness and humility and total reliance upon Him to get through each day. It's painful, but I know in the end it's a good thing for me. I had become far too selfish and self-assured and this job is a big ol' blow to the ego and a daily reminder that without Him, I can do nothing.


7 comments:

  1. I somehow missed what it is you're doing exactly. Thinking of you, know all about feeling incompetent... xxx

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  2. Starting a new job can be so hard and stressful. I'll keep ya in my prayers!

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  3. I tend to keep my mouth shut most of the time but when I get frustrated and irritated, it's definitely hard to keep my cool. And if I get really upset and angry, I tend to turn to tears -- which is just something you never want to do in front of your boss. Ugh.

    Hang in there! It will get better. You're learning more every day ;)

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  4. Lots of prayers and understanding here! One of my worst fears, and greatest anxieties, is being in a position with a learning curve, or (I hate even writing this word), incompetent. And yet, it happened every 2-3 years in the Navy when I'd have to start a new job in a new place. Best part--an ever-deepening reliance on the Lord!

    I already see this reliance built into you, Carrie, so you probably won't have to learn (relearn) the lesson as much as I did! HA!

    You are in the right place---one of being fully submitted to Him!
    You're a blessing!

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  5. Maybe we should all carry around a roll of duct tape for those moments. :o) You're right - controlling the tongue is not an easy thing... I've experienced that a few times lately myself. Staying in the Word definitely helps... Hang in there at work - it will get easier.

    Great post!

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  6. Oh my! I know how you feel! Rely on the Lord and remember to keep your mouth shut when it counts. It is genetic! A Brady Bunch episode to recall is when Marsha has to give a speech in front of a bunch of people and someone tells her to just think of everyone in their underwear and it would relax her. Soooo, think of that while you help people and it might put a smile on your face too!
    Love ya!

    Me

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  7. I'm in love with this post. I love your transparency, I love your humility and I love that I'm not the only one with a quick sharp tongue.
    I need to get that QSS thing in my brain. It sounds like a life/reputation saver.

    I've been out of the blogosphere for a week or so, due to my icky attitude. I've been afraid it might seep into posts or comments and infect those around me. It's bizarrely comforting to know that my bloggy friends suffer from the same ailments I do from time to time. :) Is that weird??

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There are more than 400,000 words in the English language. My only request of you is this: Use them wisely.

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