The Hardest Word

Can you guess what it is? It's just two letters. In fact, they're even next to each other in the alphabet. That's right, it's NO. Just a small little thing, but it has the power to change things if we would be willing to use it. 

This week I had to pull it out of mothballs when a project I really wanted to be a part of just didn't fit my current season of life. I'd been putting off pulling the plug on it because I just knew that if I rearranged this and moved that around, I could find the time to make it happen. I could shoehorn it into my life. But the more I tried to do it, the more I thought about it, and the longer it hung over my head, the more I knew what I had to do. 

And so I wrote the email and as soon as it was sent, I felt a weight lift. I'd known all along that I didn't have time to do it, but I so wanted it to work out, that I was willing to go on and on, trying to make it happen. But here's a lesson I've learned...don't force things. If it's meant to be, then it's going to fall into place without the aid of a hammer and chisel.

Photo by Kai Pilger on Unsplash

No. It's such a simple word, that wields so much power. What if more parents said it to their kids? I wonder if I would look around and sigh quite as much as I do now, or shake my head over the state of the world. What if we said it more often when advertising agencies told us what gimmick would make our life easier? What if we used it when tempted by all the things that we think will make us happier, but never do? What if we said it to toxic situations/people or to unhealthy habits? 

Or what if we said it, as I did this week, to opportunities that look good. In fact, really seem like something we'd enjoy doing, but the timing is all wrong, and they end up adding more stress instead of being enjoyable? I didn't want to write and send that email, but the (almost immediate) response I receive confirmed that I had, in fact, made the right call to use my little word. And all week, ever since I said it, I've felt freedom. The freedom to say NO to good things can be as freeing, sometimes more so, than saying it to things that we know are bad for us. It feels like freedom and power and progress.

I can say no to good things if they are good things but bad timing. What about you? What was the last thing that you said "no" to and felt good about once it was done? Don't be afraid to use this tiny powerhouse. 

Inches, Pounds, and Ahas!

After 31 days of no sugar, no fake sweeteners, and low starches, I stepped on the scale and saw that I was down 7 lbs. from where I started on January 1st. Each week I measured my chest, waist, hips, and thighs, and after a month of cutting out sweets and curbing the snack attacks, the loss of a few inches and half inches were making themselves felt in the fit of my clothes. And while it's nice to see those kinds of results, other, unexpected lessons crept up during the month that made the most significant impact. 

Lessons like...

• Realizing that I was addicted to sugar and didn't see it.
• Recognizing that I turned to sugary coffee drinks for comfort on bad days.
• I used food as a reward for hard days or other "sacrifices" I had made.
• When I felt frustrated with life, I replaced going to God with going to Starbucks.
• For someone who prides herself on being very self-aware, I snacked mindlessly.
• Since I was trying to buy less stuff...I made up for it by buying more food.
• Worst of all, I taught my kids that "treats" should be a regular occurrence.

Bottom line: food, specifically sugar, had become an idol. I worshipped the temporary "high" that a stop at Starbucks would give me. I bowed at the altar of donuts.

Photo by Rod Long on Unsplash

With the revelations of January fresh before me, I made the conscious decision to extend the lifestyle changes another month, and potentially longer. Not only was I seeing the physical benefits of the choices I was making in what and when I ate, but I also felt better than I had in months, if not years. The unexpected discoveries of the hold that sugar had on me just added to my desire to continue down this path and see where it led. 

Although at first, I missed my Starbucks stops and late-night binge snacking, I found that I much preferred the feeling of being satisfied with less. It was equally, if not more addicting than the temporary sugar rush that accompanied eating a doughnut the size of my face or downing a large Diet Coke. I became aware of the number of times I unconsciously associated going somewhere with picking up a treat. Drop the kids off at taekwondo, stop and get a coffee. Run errands on Saturday morning and bring home a Chick-fil-A chicken biscuit for the Hubs and me.

Treat, when used as a noun, is defined as: an event or item that is out of the ordinary and gives great pleasure. But when the event or item is no longer out of the ordinary, can it still be called a treat? When a doughnut truck came every week to a local parking lot, and I started stopping more and more often...was it still a treat? Or had my kids (and I) come to expect it? 

Several years ago, when the Hubs and I were laser-focused on paying off our first mortgage, we only allowed ourselves to go out to eat once a month. After money was less of an issue for us, going out stopped being a treat and became routine. "Do you feel like cooking tonight? No? Me neither. Let's go out." 

Last month I was reminded of that austere time in our lives as I once again began to deny myself the "treats" that had become expected and regular. In fact, I found that it became easier to tell myself "no" the longer I did it. Why? Because I wanted the rush of actual treats. Something that truly was out of the ordinary. Something that was unexpected, rather than something that was commonplace. 

I've told myself that I can now have one treat from Starbucks every month, using the gift cards I received for Christmas and my birthday. But instead of rushing towards the drive-thru on February 1st, I discovered there is even more joy in waiting. In fact, as I type this, with the end of the month rushing towards me, I have yet to go. 

The surprise "Aha!" of the last two months has been that the discipline of being more mindful of what I eat, what I spend my money on, and how I prioritize my time has made me want more. 

• More of the feeling of accomplishment when my waistband isn't digging into my stomach. 
• More of the sense of freedom that comes from paying cash at the grocery store and sticking to the budget. 
• More guilt-free time to spend reading for pleasure because my work isn't hanging over my head, and dinner is in the Crock-Pot. 
• More of Jesus, less of me. 

Idols don't always take the form we might think...sometimes they are shaped like bite-sized sugar bombs and time-sucking YouTube videos. Sneaky little things... So I'll close this with a question for you to ponder: What idols are ensconced in your life? If you take time to think about this and be honest, you might find yourself to be just surprised as I was. 

Hold That Impulse!

I recently found myself on a website of a store that I hadn't visited in some time. In fact, it had been several years since I had been a regular customer of theirs. But after a conversation with someone triggered an idea for a future gift, I typed their URL in my browser and was immediately sucked into the "Additional Discount Sales Vortex." You know the one? When something that had originally been $50 is marked down, with an additional discount "added in cart," to just $15. I not only purchased the originally intended gift, but I threw in four more items for good measure. The whole thing, including shipping and tax, still fell under $100, but these days, that's more than I have in disposable income. I know I'm not alone in this.

Photo by Xiaolong Wong on Unsplash

With the cost of groceries ever skyrocketing and getting excited when Kroger has their 18-count eggs on sale, 2/$7, I really don't have money to throw around on items I don't need...and didn't know I wanted until I saw the sale price. When it costs over $100 to fill up the Hub's work vehicle, and self-employment taxes are looming over our heads, it really doesn't matter how cute the item is or what kind of deal it appears to be...bills before thrills. 

January is always the hardest month for me. My ancestral Scotch-Irish frugality comes out of hiding as soon as I see perfectly good items - things that I would want to buy anyway as future gifts - now flaunting themselves before me with clearance stickers and preening around under giant "Semi-Annual Sale" banners. If I stick to my list of people and gifts, then I can definitely stretch a dollar and get more for them than if I was paying full price, but the problem is...I see those discounts and suddenly things that I never needed before (like cute winter-themed car air fresheners) end up in my cart as well. If you're curious how I know this...I'm staring at one on my desk as I type this. 

So how can we avoid those impulse purchases? Is there anything besides good, old-fashioned self-control? I've got a few little ideas to toss out there...do with them what you will.

• Sleep on it. I'm sure you've heard this one before, but if you're tempted to click, "Buy Now" - stop. If it's a sale item, it's possible that your desired size and color may not be there tomorrow. But then again, by tomorrow you may have forgotten all about it.
• Carry cash. If you know it's sale season (as it is every January with certain body-care and lingerie stores), give yourself a budget. In cash. And then go to the store, guilt-free. If you find things, you have the cash. If you don't find things, you get to take the cash home. And if you find more than you have cash for...you have to make some hard in-store choices and walk away from the rest. 
• Regret fixes nothing. You're going to flub up every once in a while. We're all human, we all do it. You're going to click "buy now" on Amazon without following rule #1. You're going to come home with something not on your list from the Aldi Finds aisle. You will be swayed by the "additional 40% off" pop-up on the website. So when those things happen, don't beat yourself up about it. If you regret the purchase, pull out the receipt and head back to the store or pack it up to go back to Amazon. Regret fixes nothing, but returns do. 

Remember those items I purchased on impulse? The ones that started with a gift idea and ended up being mostly for me? I knew I didn't need them, but I sure could use a couple of cartons of eggs and a gallon of milk. So after thinking about it for a few days, I returned two of them to a local branch of the store. I walked out with $42 back in my bank account, and a smile on my face. Don't let a momentary impulse throw off your financial groove. Pick yourself back up, return your mistakes, and move on. Tomorrow is a new day. 

Enough.

One question. Three words. Two of them just one syllable. 

When the Aldi Finds post comes up on Instagram, and the first thing that comes to mind is, "Oohhh...I need to stop by there!" follow that thought up by asking yourself, "Is it necessary?" 

When the sale flyer lands in your inbox and you see your favorite store is taking an additional 40% off the clearance price, instead of clicking on the link, ask yourself, "Is it necessary?" 

This simple question goes along very nicely with others, such as...

• Do I really need it?
• Will my life be better if I have this?
• Could I use something I already own?
• What could I use the money for instead?

And my personal favorite...

Why did I not need it before I knew it existed? 

Photo by Tamanna Rumee on Unsplash

I'm currently reading How To Break Up With Fast Fashion: A guilt-free guide to changing the way you shop – for good, a book written by Lauren Bravo and published in January 2020. While much has changed in the world since its publication, including COVID, lockdowns, supply-chain issues, recessions, and $5 cartons of eggs, the idea of mindless buying or overbuying, has not. In fact, if anything, the 2020 pandemic made the problem worse, when we were all stuck inside, but Amazon was still delivering. And now that the financial status of the U.S., among other countries, is on the verge of insanity, it often feels that our only option for clothing our kids and ourselves are the cheaply made t-shirts and one-season pants offered by "fast fashion" vendors like Old Navy and Walmart. 

I get it. I have five kids. Although the eldest is out on her own and hasn't wanted me to buy her clothes in a few years due to a difference in style taste {ahem}, the other four are all still in their growth spurts and it feels like a never-ending cycle of buying fast fashion, because it's what we can afford, only to have it fall apart, wear out, or simply give up months, and sometimes weeks, after purchase.  

In 2020, I read Secondhand: Travels in the New Global Garage Sale by Adam Minter, which I found both fascinating and thought-provoking. After spending four years living and working in several developing nations (or, a little less P.C. - third-world countries), I wasn't entirely unaware of the situations described by Minter and Bravo in their respective books. When we lived in a small country in southern Africa, we commuted almost daily past a local garment factory where GAP and Levis jeans were made. In one Southeast Asian country, down a bumpy dirt road, I found beautiful pottery bowls in a store, stamped with the official emblem of Williams & Sonoma, and was told they were made in a factory not far away. And yet in each case, a new pair of GAP jeans or a set of mixing bowls would cost more to buy than the worker who made them would make in a month? Two months? Six months? It was, and is, sobering. 

And so, I ask again, is it necessary? Or do I, in fact, have enough? These are the questions I'm pondering and have been for quite some time. And of the things I have, how much do I donate (and thus contribute even more to the "global garage sale") and how much do I keep in the hopes that I can repurpose it? I'm not an environmentalist, and I don't think we can save the planet (I mean, Revelation is a bit of a spoiler alert on that idea), but I do believe that God has entrusted us with this creation of His, and we are to be good caretakers and stewards of the resources He gives us. And beyond that, and even more importantly, we are to love the people in this world, as He does. Am I loving them well by sending them my junk or supporting the working environments I've both observed and read about, by buying fast fashion? I don't think I am. 

This is not the end of the conversation, but it is the beginning. I'm still pondering, still reading, still learning. January 2023 was a month of changing habits and beginning a journey of becoming a better steward of many things, including my body (what I eat and how I treat it), my time (what I spend it on), my money and resources, and now, apparently, my closet. I don't know where this will end, but I suspect that ENOUGH just became my word of the year. 

The Grace of Small Victories

I started writing a blog post last week entitled, "Stuck." Because that was how I was feeling. Very, very stuck. Stuck in this weight loss journey, stuck in what I was eating, stuck in the habits I was trying to develop and cultivate. I wasn't ready to give up, but I was discouraged and tired of feeling like I was getting nowhere fast. 

And then I did my Saturday weigh-in and was utterly surprised when I was down another 2 lbs. I measured all the parts I've been measuring and had dropped between 1/4 and 1/2" of an inch on three of the four (my thighs, I am sorry to say, have decided to put up a fight, but this is a marathon, not a sprint, so we'll see who wins in the end). And suddenly I didn't feel as stuck anymore. 

Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya on Unsplash

Pondering this mental switch, I began to reflect on the fact that one tiny little positive change, one little step of encouragement in the right direction, really does wonders for your perspective. Instead of feeling like denying fleshly cravings and losing sugar wasn't worth my time, I suddenly felt like what I was doing was worth it. It made it easier to say no, easier to reach for the water bottle rather than the coffee pot, and easier to enjoy the freshly ground peanut butter on one slice of the Keto bread. 

Telling myself "no" to a few little things that I had been, unwittingly, using as comforts suddenly felt worth it in order to reach a bigger goal of feeling healthier and liking what I saw in the mirror a little bit more. It was a small victory step that surprised me in its weightiness. Mentally, it was the boost I needed to keep going and not give up. 

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There are all sorts of things that we give up on in life. Challenges to read a certain number of books. Goals to walk a set number of steps. Plans to visit new places, see new things, and try new foods. Or even the intention to forgive past wrongs, break bad habits, or avoid making the same mistakes over and over again. 

We start out strong - we read the first book, we walk the first week, we download the Airbnb app, and we make a list of new restaurants to try. We have every intention of forgiving that person we've been holding a grudge against...until we see them. We make it a day or two without spending money we don't have on stuff we don't need. We stand firm in our resolve...until it's been a long day, a bad week, or a hard month. And then we allow the negatives to overwhelm the positives. 

When it's been several days of not making time to read, it's easy to just throw in the towel and say, "Oh well, I might as well not even try at all," and then pick up your phone and start scrolling through your favorite social app. 

After feeling like you've denied yourself of everything you wanted for a week and then the scale says, "Nothing's changed. Nice try. Thanks for playing," it's not surprising when we shout, "Why even try?!" and wheel into the local coffee shop for a high calorie beverage or stop for doughnuts. 

Or when you extend the hand of love and friendship to someone and get kicked in the pants for your troubles, or get burned again when you lower your guard, daring to hope that this time something will be different, it's not surprising that most of us say, "I knew it," and shut the door to ever trying something like that again. 

So what do we do? Do we give up? Do we cave and then kick ourselves a little bit more when the scale moves up, when the bank account is at $0 but our closets are full of cloths we don't wear, when nothing at all changes and this year begins to look exactly like last year? No. That's when it's time to look for the positives.

Small steps, sometimes so infinitesimal that they'd be hard to see without a magnifying glass, are the small victories that help keep us going. If I was only focused on the numbers on my scale, I would probably have given up by now. But because a friend suggested that I also measure inches (which I've never done before), I knew that even though it felt like nothing had changed, things actually were happening. You wouldn't believe how excited I got when I was down a measly quarter of an inch. But, on the small victory side, I wasn't up a quarter of an inch! 

And when that person disappoints you again, when they fail to show up or they break their own resolutions, instead of shutting down, why not do a little self-reflection? What failures would you like people to judge you by? My guess is...none. Rather than judging the parent/friend/child/sibling/co-worker by their failures to live up to their own expectations, let alone yours, why not consider extending grace to them? You might be surprised. It could be just the boost of encouragement they need to pick up their pieces and try again. Don't blow them out of the water. Give them a small victory. 

The 30-Minute Difference

Towards the end of 2023, I wrote a post about making your own time. It was an idea I was still trying to formulate in my own head, but I finally put some of those thoughts into practice this month and have been pleasantly surprised by the results. 

Photo by Lukas Blazek on Unsplash

After becoming increasingly frustrated with our homeschool schedule, I started making plans for how things could be different in the new year. A new schedule meant organizing my time a little differently. As I looked at where our time had been going, I realized I just needed a little more space in the day to get it all done. 

Since I couldn't pull any more time from the afternoons/evenings, which is my freelance work time, I had to look to the morning. On a whim, I decided to try getting us all up and moving 30 minutes earlier. The results, so far, have been overwhelmingly positive. 

Instead of always running late, I'm now the first one in the schoolroom, and usually have a few minutes to myself to get things settled - things like lighting the candle on my desk and filing away papers that were handed in the previous day - before the kids come in. Not having a frazzled teacher does wonders for the learning environment, let me tell you!

In addition to adding 30 minutes to the morning routine, I also started aiming to remove 30 minutes from the nighttime routine. I knew it was possible because I knew that my working hours weren't always the most focused of the day. And while I naturally gravitate toward being a night owl, if this was going to work, I knew I still needed to try to get a good 7-8 hours of sleep. 

By just switching the schedule up by 30 minutes, I have found our school days to be far more productive. Giving myself dedicated evening working hours has allowed me to be more focused with my time and attention, and has even given me the margin to do things like write this blog post, or read a chapter or two in one of the books on my nightstand.

I'm still tweaking different aspects of this habit-in-the-making, but I like what I see so far. It might not seem like 30 minutes would make that much of a difference, but then again, you might be surprised. Give it a try and let me know how it turns out. 

In the meantime, if you'll excuse me, I need to get this post scheduled and knock out a couple more projects before logging off and snuggling down into bed with my latest read (in case you're curious, it's The Nineties by Chuck Klosterman - a Christmas gift from the Hubs) before the Sandman wins the battle for sleep.

The Sugar Fast: Week #1 Update

This is not an exciting, thoughtful post, but it is an update about one of my "small victory" goals for the month. So if you're not interested in cutting out sugar or hearing about what I'm substituting for it...I totally understand and hope you'll come back later when I write about something a little more interesting. In the meantime, this is for posterity's sake.

As I'm typing this, I'm one week into my sugar fast for January. Not only have I cut out all candy and sweets, but I've been pretty strict about staying away from foods that are high in sugar, and foods that turn into sugar later on (think white rice, white potatoes, and white bread). The first two days were brutal. 

I would not have considered myself a sugar fiend, but on day one, I swear...I could have eaten an entire bag of Reese's peanut butter cups in one sitting. The no-sugar headache lasted two days, before finally wearing off. And when the sugar urges slowed down, the carb urges began. Bread, pasta, potatochips...I would have killed for any or all of them, and not in moderation. 

It's entirely possible that one day this week, I looked at my family and pointed to the loaf of homemade bread that I had served up for dinner (piping hot, with butter) and said, "When this is over, I'm making a loaf and eating the whole thing. By myself." So it appears that I still need some work in the self-dicipline area.

This image is the personal property of CG Koens and may not be used without written permission

But while we were off to a rough start, here's the good news. One week into this, I'm down 5 lbs, or, as my weightloss app so kindly phrased it, I've lost the weight of a table lamp. I'm not sure how that's supposed to make me feel better, but as one friend so aptly quipped, "I guess it means you're lighter." {Insert Groan Here} 

Something else I'm tracking this time, which I haven't done before, is inches. On January 1st, I weighed and then measured my bust, waist, hips, and thighs (or rather, just one). When I checked these again after one week, I had lost 1.5" from my waist, .25" from my hips, and .5" from my bust measurements. The thighs are holding out on me, but I'm very, very cautiously optimistic. 

For the most part I have continued to cook normal meals for the family, I am just selective about what I eat from them. For example, while they chowed down on the loaf of bread with the beef stew that I made, I allowed myself one half of a smaller slice of the bread, and focused on eating the protein-rich stew. While they eat leftovers for lunch each day, I put a small amount of my freshly ground peanut butter from The Fresh Market on a slice of Keto-friendly wheat bread from Aldi, or low sodium rice cake from Kroger, and then add a few bites of cheese and a few bites of salami. 

In addition to cutting out sugar, I've also focused on cutting out the sugar substitutes. So even though Diet Coke has no sugar, it still has aspartame, and I've got some serious doubts about how good all of that is for us. So, this means that I'm drinking water like it's going out of style, and the first thing I do each morning is fill up my 40 oz. water bottle. I also allowed a little bit of our grocery budget to go to Bubly drinks, which are basically soda water with flavoring and nothing more. It allows me to have a treat drink when I get really sick of water. 

And finally, since I'm cutting out all the good stuff, it means that I've also cut out the stops at Starbucks this month. Yes, of course I could drink black coffee. But I hate black coffee. So I'm just putting that on hold until I ease back in next month - I'm thinking one treat drink a month. In the meantime, I've switched to hot tea, my favorite brand/flavor being the Tea Pigs Liquorice and Peppermint tea. It has a delightfully sweet flavor without having to add anything to it, like honey. 

Bottom Line: After the first two days, it's gotten easier. I've found some foods to eat, I'm feeling more full (probably because I'm not consuming so many empty calories), and it's encouraging to see the scale going down, rather than up. Week #1 in the books...here's to a healthy and successful Week #2!

Sugar LESS

Happy New Year! I initially thought about titling this post, "Sugar-FREE in '23" but I'm just not that corny, plus it's not entirely factual. I'm not planning to go totally off of sugar, except for the month of January (more on that in a minute), so it's more about consuming less sugar in the coming year, in all its various forms. 

Photo by Joanna Kosinska on Unsplash

I've seen numbers quoted by various sources in the U.S. that claim the average American eats 42.5 teaspoons of sugar every day. That's a lot of sugar! From sugary drinks to candy to donuts to the added sugars in condiments and even the fake sugar in "sugar-free" products, we consume far more than is good for us or our bodies. 

I'm far from being a health nut. But as I have been re-reading the Little House series of books to my kids, I have been struck once again by the fact that the only candy consumed by the Ingalls girls were the small bags of a few pieces (or one stick) found in a stocking on Christmas, or the occasional maple syrup candy made when it snowed. Otherwise, sugar was saved for the tea when company came, and honey was a treat when a hive was found. That's a far cry from our sugar-saturated lives of the 21st century.

This Christmas I was noticing the number of times I popped a candy in my mouth, sipped on a Diet Coke, or made an excuse to stop by our local Mennonite doughnut truck. Stockings were filled with sugary delights, and the month was doubly saturated as I drove around town collecting my free birthday cake slice, personal pie, and Venti coffee drink of my choice. On Christmas day, as I sat at my parent's house feeling absolutely stuffed, I uttered a sigh of frustration and shot off a text to a couple of friends, asking why I had so little (essentially none at all) self-control when it came to what I stuffed in my mouth. 

A day or two later, I jokingly said to a friend, "I'm thinking about doing a sugar fast for the month of January...I will if you will!" And when she wrote back and said, "How serious are you?" I immediately knew it was time. Time to break some sugary holds, cleanse the palate, and practice what I preach to my kids - namely, "have some self-control why don't you??" 

So, here's my public announcement, and my declaration of intent: For the month of January - 31 days - I will be avoiding (as much as possible) obvious sources of sugar. This includes candy, sugary coffee and coffee ingredients (which means I'm drinking tea all month because I hate black coffee!), desserts, sugar-laden sauces, etc. I'll also be steering clear of white bread (which will be a real challenge as I have been making homemade bread in our bread machine several times a week for the family), white rice, and pasta. I'll be checking labels, and plan to substitute my water "add-ins" (which contain sugar substitutes) with plain ol' fizzy water, just to give it a little kick. 

This should be in addition to some of my other "small victory" goals for the year, including walking (or moving) more, and while continuing the intermittent fasting that I've been doing for the last month. I'm both nervous and excited to see how this goes, and hopeful that I can report back in a month with a positive outcome. Here goes nothing...