The Hardest Word

Can you guess what it is? It's just two letters. In fact, they're even next to each other in the alphabet. That's right, it's NO. Just a small little thing, but it has the power to change things if we would be willing to use it. 

This week I had to pull it out of mothballs when a project I really wanted to be a part of just didn't fit my current season of life. I'd been putting off pulling the plug on it because I just knew that if I rearranged this and moved that around, I could find the time to make it happen. I could shoehorn it into my life. But the more I tried to do it, the more I thought about it, and the longer it hung over my head, the more I knew what I had to do. 

And so I wrote the email and as soon as it was sent, I felt a weight lift. I'd known all along that I didn't have time to do it, but I so wanted it to work out, that I was willing to go on and on, trying to make it happen. But here's a lesson I've learned...don't force things. If it's meant to be, then it's going to fall into place without the aid of a hammer and chisel.

Photo by Kai Pilger on Unsplash

No. It's such a simple word, that wields so much power. What if more parents said it to their kids? I wonder if I would look around and sigh quite as much as I do now, or shake my head over the state of the world. What if we said it more often when advertising agencies told us what gimmick would make our life easier? What if we used it when tempted by all the things that we think will make us happier, but never do? What if we said it to toxic situations/people or to unhealthy habits? 

Or what if we said it, as I did this week, to opportunities that look good. In fact, really seem like something we'd enjoy doing, but the timing is all wrong, and they end up adding more stress instead of being enjoyable? I didn't want to write and send that email, but the (almost immediate) response I receive confirmed that I had, in fact, made the right call to use my little word. And all week, ever since I said it, I've felt freedom. The freedom to say NO to good things can be as freeing, sometimes more so, than saying it to things that we know are bad for us. It feels like freedom and power and progress.

I can say no to good things if they are good things but bad timing. What about you? What was the last thing that you said "no" to and felt good about once it was done? Don't be afraid to use this tiny powerhouse. 

Make Your Own Time

Wouldn't it be amazing if we could create time for the things we enjoy? My own personal preference is reading, but it wouldn't have to be. For you, it might be doing something crafty, like painting or knitting or hand-lettering, like my friend Elizabeth. Or it could be getting outside to work in a garden, pulling weeds in your yard, taking a walk around the block, or hiking the nearest mountain trail. Maybe you'd love to get together with friends a little more often over coffee or lunch, or perhaps you've always wanted to go back to school to finish that degree you put off two decades ago. Any one of these things could easily be written off as something you don't have time for...but if you were honest with yourself, is that really true? 

Photo by Sonja Langford on Unsplash

This is the question I've been asking myself recently, as I've been taking a look at the things I accomplished over the past 12 months, and the things I let slide. It's been a busy year, filled with things I planned for, and things I didn't see coming. Much of my time has been taken up with caregiving, moving, counseling, teaching, and occasionally trying to have a conversation with the Hubs that's deeper than the "highlight reel" of the day. So yes, much time...but not all. 

Despite having my hands full with freelance work, homeschooling four kids, two aging parents who downsized this year, and launching the first adult child out into the world, I still had time to waste, and waste it I did...if I'm really being honest. 

For one thing, I finally gave in and opened an Instagram account this year. A few weeks ago I had this sense that I was spending a lot more time on there than I would like to admit to myself. So I put a timer on it, allowing a certain number of minutes a day that count down from midnight. I freely admit that I was shocked at the number, and how quickly the time frittered away. I originally gave myself 2 hours a day, thinking that would be way too much time. But after a couple of days of getting close to that mark, I moved it back to 90 minutes, and then 60 minutes. As is often the case, just making myself aware of it helped curb the temptation to click on the app, unless I had something I actually wanted to post. But it also got me thinking...we make time for so much in our busy days, but are we really making time for the best stuff? The stuff that feeds our hearts, souls, and minds. 

Case in point...prior to June, when I opened my account, I wasn't spending 120 minutes a day scrolling through a feed or watching silly little videos of guinea pigs and puppies. So what was I doing with those 2 hours of time in a day? Honestly? I was watching YouTubers live their lives on camera, documenting their travel plans or explaining minimalism. When school was done for the day, I would escape to our bedroom and sit down at the computer. After first scrolling through Facebook, I would turn to YouTube and lose myself (and an hour or more of my time) in the lives of other people and their quest for the perfect wedding dress, house, or airport lounge. The next thing I knew, I would look at the clock and realize it was 6 PM and I hadn't done anything for dinner. Two hours gone, and absolutely nothing to show for it. 

In years past I have tracked 70+ books a year on Goodreads. Hours of reading, learning, and losing myself in words on a page. This year, the number was significantly lower at just 22. I was surprised at the lower number and originally chalked it up to being low on time due to the craziness of the year. But when I started taking an honest inventory of how I was spending my time, I knew it was more than that. And I knew that my time was going where I told it to go...which just wasn't to the best of places. 

So...

• I haven't closed my Instagram account, but I've lowered my own time limit. 
• I haven't stopped watching some of my favorite YouTubers, but I have unsubscribed from several channels and accounts that no longer felt as important as the time I have been giving up to them and their notifications. 
• I haven't found a way to add more hours to the day, but I am finding better ways to use the time in my day. 

My Simplified Why: Follow the Money

FROM THE ARCHIVES ➤➤➤ I originally wrote this post in January 2020 - before the whole world came to a screeching halt, and life as we knew it, stopped. However, as I've been attempting to blog a little more consistently this year, I decided to pull up some of the posts I had started and saved as drafts, and this is one of them. While similar to the post I shared last week, as I read through it, I was reminded of where we were a year ago, and I realized that I had, in fact, made some good financial changes over the past 12 months. For example, this year our savings accounts are much healthier than they were a year ago, and that's a good thing! But I also realized that some of my points made in this post were still valid, and good reminders of other ways I could cut corners and save, so I decided to post it anyway. Maybe you, like me, will find a little nugget to take away and dwell on and then do something with this year. May we all continue to grow and improve in 2021! 

In 2012, we paid off our house. In actual fact, we paid off the remaining 54% of our mortgage in just 7 months of 2012. It came down to focusing in on a big goal, saying "no" to a lot of other things, and a whole bunch of self discipline. And it felt great when we were all done.

Which is why when, earlier this month, I found myself stressing over looming bills and shrinking bank accounts, I was pulled up short when I realized I was right back to where I was in 2011. How did that happen? Well, I'll tell you: old habits and new kids.

Old habits like, "I don't really feel like cooking tonight," (which, even as I was typing that, reminded me that I needed to start the Crock-Pot for dinner) crept back in. Only this time there were seven of us, so Japanese takeout now costs $70, rather than $20. 🙅 The occasional stop for ice cream after a school event takes $30 when you're dishing up six bowls instead of two, and now that some of them are getting older, a stop at Starbucks is often a $15 splurge, rather than a $5 treat. It all adds up.

Although most of the time I'm pretty good about telling myself I don't need the new pair of pants or that cute sweater, it's harder when I'm out and see clothes on sale that would fit my kids. I mean, I'm saving money, right? They're so hard on clothes, and it's nice not to have to pay full-price for something when I have a stash downstairs that I got on clearance. But you know what's NOT a bargain? Hitting up so many sales that I forget what I have and when I finally dig it out...they've outgrown it. True story, I'm embarrassed to admit.

Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Unsplash

In 2018, I was becoming totally overwhelmed by the amount of stuff in our house. When it was just the two of us, I kept it fairly tidy, though we still had way too much, but once the kids came, I felt like I was swimming against the tide. Despite keeping Christmas to a minimum and refusing to throw extravagant birthday parties where all of their friends were invited and we were flooded with gifts, it was like a never ending stuff parade coming through the doors of our house. Even though I instigated regular purge sessions, piles continued to creep up on my desks, kitchen counters, and even on top of bedroom dressers.

Feeling thus overwhelmed, I signed up to take part in the Uncluttered course (nope, that's not an affiliate link) that minimalist Joshua Becker hosts several times a year. All participants receive a lifetime membership to participate in the course, and also maintain access to the private Facebook group. I can't say that the course itself was particularly life changing for me...but the private group has been a great source of ongoing encouragement. Seeing what others are doing, purging, changing, has been a reminder that I shouldn't give up. 

A couple of weeks ago, I noticed that people were beginning to share their "why" for continuing the clean out. One woman said that her why was becoming debt free, and as soon as I read it, I knew that I needed to get back on the bandwagon. While we're not in debt - outside of a mortgage (yes, we paid it off but, long story short, we once again have a small mortgage on our home) - we're also not exactly rolling in savings. Another woman shared that whenever she thought about buying something, she transferred that same amount into her savings account, which triggered a memory of a time when I was doing the same thing (see: paid off house in 2012). It's just one of many good habits that need to be pulled from the mothballs.

This year, my WHY for minimalizing and simplifying really comes down to the money. It's not just about making multiple trips to donate excess goods, but about stemming the tide coming in as well - not just because it's stuff, but because it represents resources that could be much better spent elsewhere. As I look ahead at current and upcoming expenses, I realize that the not-so-little $40 and $70 expenditures, even if it's "saving" me money, have really added up. It's time to remember that every time I'm saying "yes" to something with my money, I'm saying "no" to something else...something that's probably way more important.

My why for #minimalismsimplified in 2020 is about financial freedom. Or, as Becker put in on a post he shared last week, "Just because it's on sale, doesn't mean I need it." 😏  

$27.40

Strange title for a blog post, right? It comes from a graphic that Joshua Becker shared on Facebook last year, and again not that long ago. That's the daily spend amount that it takes to waste (or save) $10,000 in a year. Let that sink in for a minute.

Photo by Michael Longmire on Unsplash

Now, I'm sure some of you would argue that you don't have $27.40 to throw away on miscellaneous spending every day, and I get that. I don't typically spend that in a day either, but also keep in mind that number is an average. So let's take a look at a few of the ways that this can add up, and I'll use our family as an example.

• If we take our family of seven for take-out Japanese it costs us around $75. Let's say I do that once a month—that's $900 a year. 
• If you've got kids in sports, like we do, the monthly fees can quickly add up. Let's say you spend $400 a month on lessons and gear for two or more kids—that's $4,800 a year.
• You know I like my Starbucks stops. They're like a mini-vacation in a cup on stressful days. But at an average of $5 a pop, estimating a conservative four times a month, buying for only one person—that's $240 a year.
• The kids have done really well at school, so that calls for a celebration and a stop by our local pay-by-the-ounce ice cream shop. Cha-ching! Since we don't usually take the Hubs as he's at work, and I limit the kids to three toppings each, we can typically get out of there for around $25-30. But if we go 5-6 times a year—that's $180 a year.

You can probably see where I'm going with this. Before you know it, you're well over half-way to that $10k point, and that's not counting the stops to pick up something you "need" at TJ Maxx, or the sale you hit on clothes for the kids at Old Navy, or Christmas or any of the birthday gifts required by all those classroom invitations (a definitely bonus of homeschooling - no more class parties!). You and I might not spend $27.40 a day, but I bet if we stopped and begin counting up all the big and little expenditures, we'd be surprised at how quickly they add up, just like my examples above.

Compared to many, I would consider myself a frugal person. For over two decades, I've packed lunch for the Hubs, we've cut each others hair (and now our kids), made coffee at home (most days), shopped sales and used coupons, saved and repurposed. We don't pay for cable or Netflix, we almost never go to movies - even before COVID, and we don't take vacations. If you asked some of the kids, they'd say we're downright Scroogy! 

But the fact of the matter is, when my 1099 arrived last year from my largest client, I was shocked to see the amount and spent some time wondering where it all went last year. Yes, we were paying for private school at the time, so that took a large chunk, and yes, we paid cash for a vehicle that then needed a lot of TLC (read: parts) to get it up to speed. But despite these, and other big expenditures that happened, as I thought back over the year, I knew that my $27.40 days were definitely involved. 

So in the midst of this "no spend" month, I'm calling myself out for it. It's time to tighten the belt, not just this month, but every month. And when splurges do happen—and they will—that $27.40 needs to be in cash. Not only is this more painful for me, but it's a good visual for the kids, who often have a difficult time grasping the concept that when a card comes out, so does money. The habit of splurging has definitely shown itself already, as I've had kids light up and say, "Oh, can we get 5 Guys for dinn..." and then remember, "oh, no. It's February." Maybe if they saw me whipping out four $20 bills each time we stopped for a "quick bite" it might impact them more than a square of plastic. It's something I'm considering...for March. 😉

What about YOU? Cash or card?

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What makes up your $5, $15, or $27.40 splurges?

The Year of More

It's no secret to anyone that 2020 has not been the banner year that everyone thought it would be. One year ago, people were looking forward to this year with all kinds of grandiose expectations. It was a new decade, a time to stretch and grow, an opportunity to take on new challenges and try new things. The funny thing is - that's exactly what it ended up being...for us all, just not on our terms. We were faced with challenges that we never saw coming. We were forced to try new things that were not at all in our plans. We were stretched to the max, and growth inevitably came from that. 

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

In January 2020, we started talking about moving all the kids to the same private school. My freelance work was flourishing, and if we cut corners elsewhere, it looked like we could just manage the cost of that change. Having them all at one school would mean less driving for me, a simplified schedule, and the opportunity to get them all into the same routine. It seemed like the perfect plan, and so we began the process of applying and waiting to see if there were spots available in their respective classes. One week before the country began shutting down, just days before the kids came home from school for spring break...and stayed home, I received a phone call informing me that a spot had opened up for our final child, which meant all five were in. We were set. I paid the fees, keeping a wary eye on the storm clouds, and trusted that if this is where God wanted the kids, He would continue to open doors. Meanwhile, in the back of my mind, something was nagging me. 

By the end of spring break, the official ruling was that the kids were to stay home through the first of April. My gut told me, even while the schools insisted that it was temporary, they were home to stay. You know the rest of the story. School went online, parents scrambled to figure out how to turn empty corners into classrooms, and toilet paper suddenly vanished from the shelves. By the time April 1st rolled around, I could see the writing on the wall as my freelance contracts dried up, and that persistent nagging in my head got louder. When I officially lost my biggest client (the one that would pay for the kid's schooling) in mid-April, it didn't take long to see that the choice to homeschool had just been made for me. It was the very idea that I'd been fighting for the four years since our adoption...and now it was my only option.

Stretched to the max moments like that often turn into defining moments. The monuments in life that you look back on and say, "Wow...that changed everything." Instead of being in a position where I was comfortable in my field and confident in my knowledge, I was treading water in the deep end of the pool. Not only did I need to figure out legal requirements, I needed to come up with a curriculum and lesson plans, an online option for our high school sophomore, and wrap my head around the idea of being a full-time teacher, when I'd hated every education class I took in college. Not only was I, as an introvert, adjusting to having five kids at home with me all day long, but I was also responsible for making sure they could read, write, and pass 6th grade math. These things were not in my plans last January, but then neither was owning a Christmas-themed face mask.

There are 16 days left in this year, and I know people are counting down because they're sick of this year and all the changes it's required. But you know what? Every new year we all talk about the changes we want to make, how we want to try something new, get out of our ruts, or slow down and enjoy the simpler things of life. We may have hated this year, but 2020 forced us to do ALL of those things, and more. Our family dynamics totally changed as we spent more time together. Of course there were growing pains, and yes, we got sick of one another, but we also learned more about what makes each one of us tick. We discovered new ways to spend our days. We enjoyed slower mornings, longer lunches, later bedtimes, and spontaneous family movie nights. Instead of always rushing to be at the next event or school function, we read longer and played more. We made do with what we had (like Gorilla gluing the leaks in our existing pool when there was no replacement to be found), paid closer attention to how many paper towels and how much toilet paper we used, and realized the importance of community. Rather than 2020 taking something from us, we discovered it became our year of more. 

More time together.
More focus on what really mattered.
More appreciation for the things we took for granted before.  

2021 might be better, it may be worse, or it could be a continuation of the year we've just had. But no matter what, it's probably time to change the mindset of "when will it end" and start giving thanks for all the opportunities for growth that have come about because of it. As for me? Well, I just ordered all the books for my kids to move ahead to their next grade levels, because we can, and I'm anticipating 2021 being another year of MORE. More challenges. More growth. More love. More memories. More new experiences. More opportunities to be stretched to the max, and discover how much more there is for us to learn. 

How about you? Are you ready for MORE?

Habitual Goals

I've written plenty of posts about setting goals in the past. I've chosen words for the year...only to forget about them come March or April. I've picked specific things to work on....and then not followed through. I've blogged about my successes...and my failures. For several years in January, I've suggested that this will be the year that I finally start blogging again on a regular basis...and then that's the last you've heard of me.

So what am I doing this year? Why am I back, writing yet another January post with the word "goal" in the title? Well, grab a mug of something warm and pull up a chair. Let's chat!

First, let's talk about what worked in 2019. As I've shared on my Busy Nothings Facebook page, 2019 was the year that I consistently tracked my calories and walked for 20 minutes a day in my little "walking lot" around the corner from the kid's school. This was a success...right up until the week before Christmas, when the Hubs came down with the crud that kept him home all week, and derailed my walking schedule as I single-parented our five. This was followed by the Christmas break, then the crud taking me out for a week, and the usual post-holiday sludge as we all try to get back into the groove of work and school after time off. Needless to say, walking hasn't made it back onto my daily schedule yet in 2020, but it will.

Tracking my calories was also something I was super consistent about...right up until the holidays. I don't want to say that I gave up, as I was still very mindful about what I was eating and the days that I was eating more than I normally did, but I no longer tracked my meals as faithfully as I had been doing prior to the Christmas season. Like walking, it's something I intend to restart this month, but it didn't happen this week. 

With the change in schools for two of our girls, I ended up spending about 3 hours of my day in the car starting in August, which limited the amount of time I had free for paid work. However, what I discovered was that the outside limitations caused me to focus more during the time that I did have. I was even able to say "yes" to more flexible freelance work, create new opportunities for the future, and extend the range of my skill set.

Another thing that I focused on in 2019 was reading more. As I've done in years past, I used Goodreads to set my goal of 52 books, and track my progress. I consciously made choices to use the dead time in my day (sitting in car line, sitting at taekwondo, sitting at the doctor's office, waiting for dinner to cook, etc.) to work toward that goal, and by December 31, 2019, I'd read 59 books. Some of them were totally new-to-me books, others were comfort re-reads, and quite a number were children's books that I either read to the kids, or read to myself before I recommended them to the kids. Needless to say, my Goodreads shelf this year looked a little different than it did in 2012! 

One of the things I took away from 2019 was that it's good to have goals, but it's better to create habits. I've set goals before for weight loss or sticking to a diet, reading a certain number of books or focusing more on my work, but history shows that my lofty goals tend to end up lost somewhere around February. This last year I dropped the word "goal" from my planning and instead decided to make changes. Instead of setting a goal to walk 5 days a week, I drove the car to the parking lot - even on the days I didn't feel like it - and got out and walked 20 minutes, rain or shine. Eventually, turning left out of the kid's school, rather than right, became a habit. Setting my timer for 20 minutes and walking laps around the lot became a habit...and the weight that I wanted to lose, began to come off. 

I put a goal weight in my Lose It! app, but it was just something to aim for...my main priority was becoming healthy, and over the course of the year, my mindset changed to match my habits. Before, I would have stopped at Dunkin' Donuts or Starbucks without even thinking about it. Mindless calories, which went to my thighs and never crossed my mind when I wondered where the weight came from, because I "wasn't really eating that much." These days, before I eat anything, I consider whether it's worth it, whether I have room for the calories, and what I will say "no" to if I say "yes" to the food or drink before me. It's not a goal, it's a choice. It's an action.

So what will 2020 look like for me? Do I have goals for this year? Well, sure. I think it's perfectly natural to set goals, even if it's unconsciously. For example, I would still like to shed around ten more pounds, but if that doesn't happen I'm not going to wallow in guilt about it, because my main priority is to continue my habits of making wise choices about what goes in my mouth. With my shorter working days, there are weeks when work has to take precedence over walking, so if that means that there's a week when I only get out to the parking lot one day instead of four or five, I'm not going to beat myself up over that, because that's still 20 minutes of movement. It doesn't mean I've given up, it just means that I had to prioritize different things that week. Goals can be forgotten, but habits keep you coming back to them, even when you have an off week. 

It's a goal this year to read at least 52 books again. But it's become a habit to keep a book in my purse, and that habit is what allows me to actively work towards that goal...with very little effort at all. It's a goal to be a good steward of the time available to me for work. It's a habit to start my day by checking what's on my to do list and figuring out what needs more brain power (so earlier in the day tasks) and what takes less (later in the day tasks). It's a goal to pad our savings account so when those rainy day events happen, we're not scrambling to figure out how to pay for them. It's a habit to automatically transfer a set amount of money each month into that account, and then live within our means with what's left. 

Do you see where I'm going with this? Habits can be good or bad, but the way I'm looking at it this year is that the positive habits that I started developing in 2019 are just my goals in action. Goals are just words on paper, but habits only occur because you're actively doing something. 

Over the next 12 months I would like to see my work habits continue to develop, becoming more creative with the time that I have so that I will be able to do more (which, in turn, helps fund things like taekwondo, which means I will have that down time for reading to reach my goal...one positive habit affecting another). I've toyed with the idea of trying to run this year. I have a 9 year old who would love it if I would run with her, but I've never been a runner. It scares me. Maybe this is the year...or maybe I'll pull out my bike again and ride alongside her...or maybe she'll run while I walk. Whatever happens, I want 2020 to be the year I challenge myself more. What about you?

Thoughts from My Desk

Spring break week for the work-from-home mom looks something like this...

While the kids take over the house, I am earbuds-in, door closed, and working away in my bedroom home office. One thing I never anticipated when I started freelancing six years ago was the freedom that it would give me to continue to use another section of my brain if we ever had kids. In fact, at the time of taking that leap from traditional employment to self-employed, the Hubs and I were happily kid-free by choice (and had been for 12 years) with absolutely no plans on changing that. Unbeknownst to us - GOD did.

Now here I sit with Mozart cranked in my ears, attempting to focus on the writing job that I need to complete by tomorrow while our five (yes, 5!!) adopted kids are hanging out in the basement movie room (directly below my office - and no insulation) cackling over the antics of Cliff and Claire Huxtable and their 5 television children. My, how life has changed. 

As I was saying, the freedom that comes from knowing that if life gets a little too crazy (or boring or mundane, "do I really need to answer the same question five times, or can you not all listen at the same time?!"), I know that I have a way of escape through the work that I do, with the bonus that this sanity saver is also putting some much needed extra change in our savings.

Because I chose to continue to work from home, I can say "yes" to the kids trying new things: taekwondo, ballet, gymnastics, summer camps. Because I use the skills that God gives me, I can model the idea to my girls that being a wife and mom - willingly or not-so-willingly - doesn't mean that they are limited to one or two roles, if God opens a door for them to use their talents in other ways. Because I set aside a few hours each week to write, edit and consult, I can view the ever-growing grocery receipt without blanching because I know God's already provided for it.

When we were about to leave to go get the kids, I took an indefinite leave of absence from the company that had been my primary bread and butter for freelance work, not knowing if I would have the time or energy to work once we had the kids, nor whether they would still have work to offer me if I did. I'd been home about a month when the woman who took me on the first time contacted me a second time and asked if I'd be willing to come back a few hours a week - as needed - in a revised role. You wouldn't believe how fast I jumped at the chance. I needed the normal. I needed the distraction from the chaos that was my life at the time. I needed to be able to zone out from everything that was making me feel completely incompetent and be able to competently contribute to a project. I needed to be someone besides "mom".

It's not always easy - like the juggling that occurs during spring and summer breaks - but I'm still grateful for the opportunity to play multiple roles - wife, mother, daughter, sister, editor, writer, consultant, co-worker. I didn't think I'd be a mom, let alone a working mom (those were rather taboo in the Christian community when I was growing up), but here I am, and I thank God daily for the way He continues to orchestrate every aspect of my story.