The Hardest Word

Can you guess what it is? It's just two letters. In fact, they're even next to each other in the alphabet. That's right, it's NO. Just a small little thing, but it has the power to change things if we would be willing to use it. 

This week I had to pull it out of mothballs when a project I really wanted to be a part of just didn't fit my current season of life. I'd been putting off pulling the plug on it because I just knew that if I rearranged this and moved that around, I could find the time to make it happen. I could shoehorn it into my life. But the more I tried to do it, the more I thought about it, and the longer it hung over my head, the more I knew what I had to do. 

And so I wrote the email and as soon as it was sent, I felt a weight lift. I'd known all along that I didn't have time to do it, but I so wanted it to work out, that I was willing to go on and on, trying to make it happen. But here's a lesson I've learned...don't force things. If it's meant to be, then it's going to fall into place without the aid of a hammer and chisel.

Photo by Kai Pilger on Unsplash

No. It's such a simple word, that wields so much power. What if more parents said it to their kids? I wonder if I would look around and sigh quite as much as I do now, or shake my head over the state of the world. What if we said it more often when advertising agencies told us what gimmick would make our life easier? What if we used it when tempted by all the things that we think will make us happier, but never do? What if we said it to toxic situations/people or to unhealthy habits? 

Or what if we said it, as I did this week, to opportunities that look good. In fact, really seem like something we'd enjoy doing, but the timing is all wrong, and they end up adding more stress instead of being enjoyable? I didn't want to write and send that email, but the (almost immediate) response I receive confirmed that I had, in fact, made the right call to use my little word. And all week, ever since I said it, I've felt freedom. The freedom to say NO to good things can be as freeing, sometimes more so, than saying it to things that we know are bad for us. It feels like freedom and power and progress.

I can say no to good things if they are good things but bad timing. What about you? What was the last thing that you said "no" to and felt good about once it was done? Don't be afraid to use this tiny powerhouse. 

Make Your Own Time

Wouldn't it be amazing if we could create time for the things we enjoy? My own personal preference is reading, but it wouldn't have to be. For you, it might be doing something crafty, like painting or knitting or hand-lettering, like my friend Elizabeth. Or it could be getting outside to work in a garden, pulling weeds in your yard, taking a walk around the block, or hiking the nearest mountain trail. Maybe you'd love to get together with friends a little more often over coffee or lunch, or perhaps you've always wanted to go back to school to finish that degree you put off two decades ago. Any one of these things could easily be written off as something you don't have time for...but if you were honest with yourself, is that really true? 

Photo by Sonja Langford on Unsplash

This is the question I've been asking myself recently, as I've been taking a look at the things I accomplished over the past 12 months, and the things I let slide. It's been a busy year, filled with things I planned for, and things I didn't see coming. Much of my time has been taken up with caregiving, moving, counseling, teaching, and occasionally trying to have a conversation with the Hubs that's deeper than the "highlight reel" of the day. So yes, much time...but not all. 

Despite having my hands full with freelance work, homeschooling four kids, two aging parents who downsized this year, and launching the first adult child out into the world, I still had time to waste, and waste it I did...if I'm really being honest. 

For one thing, I finally gave in and opened an Instagram account this year. A few weeks ago I had this sense that I was spending a lot more time on there than I would like to admit to myself. So I put a timer on it, allowing a certain number of minutes a day that count down from midnight. I freely admit that I was shocked at the number, and how quickly the time frittered away. I originally gave myself 2 hours a day, thinking that would be way too much time. But after a couple of days of getting close to that mark, I moved it back to 90 minutes, and then 60 minutes. As is often the case, just making myself aware of it helped curb the temptation to click on the app, unless I had something I actually wanted to post. But it also got me thinking...we make time for so much in our busy days, but are we really making time for the best stuff? The stuff that feeds our hearts, souls, and minds. 

Case in point...prior to June, when I opened my account, I wasn't spending 120 minutes a day scrolling through a feed or watching silly little videos of guinea pigs and puppies. So what was I doing with those 2 hours of time in a day? Honestly? I was watching YouTubers live their lives on camera, documenting their travel plans or explaining minimalism. When school was done for the day, I would escape to our bedroom and sit down at the computer. After first scrolling through Facebook, I would turn to YouTube and lose myself (and an hour or more of my time) in the lives of other people and their quest for the perfect wedding dress, house, or airport lounge. The next thing I knew, I would look at the clock and realize it was 6 PM and I hadn't done anything for dinner. Two hours gone, and absolutely nothing to show for it. 

In years past I have tracked 70+ books a year on Goodreads. Hours of reading, learning, and losing myself in words on a page. This year, the number was significantly lower at just 22. I was surprised at the lower number and originally chalked it up to being low on time due to the craziness of the year. But when I started taking an honest inventory of how I was spending my time, I knew it was more than that. And I knew that my time was going where I told it to go...which just wasn't to the best of places. 

So...

• I haven't closed my Instagram account, but I've lowered my own time limit. 
• I haven't stopped watching some of my favorite YouTubers, but I have unsubscribed from several channels and accounts that no longer felt as important as the time I have been giving up to them and their notifications. 
• I haven't found a way to add more hours to the day, but I am finding better ways to use the time in my day. 

Finding Contentment

Yesterday I listened to a man talking about being content. In his example, he said that he would walk his neighborhood, praying and thanking God for different things, and as he walked home, he would come down the street and look at the back of his house, and start thinking about things that he would like to change. A bigger deck, some improvements to his landscaping, etc., right after he'd been thanking God for what he had. 

As I sat there, listening, I gulped a little bit. Or maybe a lot. And I started making a list of all the things that I was putting in the place of contentment. It was truly amazing how quickly I wrote down 8-10 things that I was actively seeking--from home additions to Starbucks stops to me-time--that had sneakily become things that were taking away from my contentment. 

If only I had...a day off from the responsibilities of parenthood, a caramel macchiato, a couple of extra rooms in the house, my own office, that sweater that I saw on sale...then things would be better. This stupid virus and the way it's impacting and changing everything wouldn't be so bad because I'd be content in my (bigger) house with (more) rooms for the kids to hang out in so that I would have (me) time to do other stuff and spread out a little while sipping coffee in my (new) office.

Do you see how easily the seeds of discontentment can sneak in? It sure hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday. And I hated it. I hated that I had become so dense to the changes in my outlook, and I hated that I had slipped into the mindset that anything (from more rooms to a coffee) would make me happier, kinder, or more grateful for what I've been given.

We ate a meal with some friends recently, and the wife apologized that our younger kids would need to use the smaller dessert plates for their meals because she only had one set of dishes, and not enough big plates to go around. I thought I had misheard her. Only one set? Really? Even with all of my clean out sessions and purges, I still have enough plates to feed 100 people at once. And, sadly, that may even be a low estimate. And then it struck me, as we were talking, that every time they had been to our house, I had used paper or plastic plates with them...because I didn't want to have to clean up afterwards. All those dishes...sitting in their cabinets and cupboards, and I'm using paper.

If I'm not grateful for what I already have...if I don't take care of what is already in my possession...if I'm not using my existing things...then why would more be better?

As I walked our block this morning, and looked at the back of our house, I listened to Philippians 4, and asked God to help me be content in Him. Content in everything, in plenty and in want. Content in the situation in which I currently find myself (homeschooling five kids - by choice), content at the desk in our bedroom, content with the Starbucks Via coffee that I can make at home for a lot less, content with the clothes in my closet. But not content to stay as I am, in the mindset I'm in, lacking the Fruits that I want from the Spirit.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go dig some dishes out of the cabinets...

Habitual Goals

I've written plenty of posts about setting goals in the past. I've chosen words for the year...only to forget about them come March or April. I've picked specific things to work on....and then not followed through. I've blogged about my successes...and my failures. For several years in January, I've suggested that this will be the year that I finally start blogging again on a regular basis...and then that's the last you've heard of me.

So what am I doing this year? Why am I back, writing yet another January post with the word "goal" in the title? Well, grab a mug of something warm and pull up a chair. Let's chat!

First, let's talk about what worked in 2019. As I've shared on my Busy Nothings Facebook page, 2019 was the year that I consistently tracked my calories and walked for 20 minutes a day in my little "walking lot" around the corner from the kid's school. This was a success...right up until the week before Christmas, when the Hubs came down with the crud that kept him home all week, and derailed my walking schedule as I single-parented our five. This was followed by the Christmas break, then the crud taking me out for a week, and the usual post-holiday sludge as we all try to get back into the groove of work and school after time off. Needless to say, walking hasn't made it back onto my daily schedule yet in 2020, but it will.

Tracking my calories was also something I was super consistent about...right up until the holidays. I don't want to say that I gave up, as I was still very mindful about what I was eating and the days that I was eating more than I normally did, but I no longer tracked my meals as faithfully as I had been doing prior to the Christmas season. Like walking, it's something I intend to restart this month, but it didn't happen this week. 

With the change in schools for two of our girls, I ended up spending about 3 hours of my day in the car starting in August, which limited the amount of time I had free for paid work. However, what I discovered was that the outside limitations caused me to focus more during the time that I did have. I was even able to say "yes" to more flexible freelance work, create new opportunities for the future, and extend the range of my skill set.

Another thing that I focused on in 2019 was reading more. As I've done in years past, I used Goodreads to set my goal of 52 books, and track my progress. I consciously made choices to use the dead time in my day (sitting in car line, sitting at taekwondo, sitting at the doctor's office, waiting for dinner to cook, etc.) to work toward that goal, and by December 31, 2019, I'd read 59 books. Some of them were totally new-to-me books, others were comfort re-reads, and quite a number were children's books that I either read to the kids, or read to myself before I recommended them to the kids. Needless to say, my Goodreads shelf this year looked a little different than it did in 2012! 

One of the things I took away from 2019 was that it's good to have goals, but it's better to create habits. I've set goals before for weight loss or sticking to a diet, reading a certain number of books or focusing more on my work, but history shows that my lofty goals tend to end up lost somewhere around February. This last year I dropped the word "goal" from my planning and instead decided to make changes. Instead of setting a goal to walk 5 days a week, I drove the car to the parking lot - even on the days I didn't feel like it - and got out and walked 20 minutes, rain or shine. Eventually, turning left out of the kid's school, rather than right, became a habit. Setting my timer for 20 minutes and walking laps around the lot became a habit...and the weight that I wanted to lose, began to come off. 

I put a goal weight in my Lose It! app, but it was just something to aim for...my main priority was becoming healthy, and over the course of the year, my mindset changed to match my habits. Before, I would have stopped at Dunkin' Donuts or Starbucks without even thinking about it. Mindless calories, which went to my thighs and never crossed my mind when I wondered where the weight came from, because I "wasn't really eating that much." These days, before I eat anything, I consider whether it's worth it, whether I have room for the calories, and what I will say "no" to if I say "yes" to the food or drink before me. It's not a goal, it's a choice. It's an action.

So what will 2020 look like for me? Do I have goals for this year? Well, sure. I think it's perfectly natural to set goals, even if it's unconsciously. For example, I would still like to shed around ten more pounds, but if that doesn't happen I'm not going to wallow in guilt about it, because my main priority is to continue my habits of making wise choices about what goes in my mouth. With my shorter working days, there are weeks when work has to take precedence over walking, so if that means that there's a week when I only get out to the parking lot one day instead of four or five, I'm not going to beat myself up over that, because that's still 20 minutes of movement. It doesn't mean I've given up, it just means that I had to prioritize different things that week. Goals can be forgotten, but habits keep you coming back to them, even when you have an off week. 

It's a goal this year to read at least 52 books again. But it's become a habit to keep a book in my purse, and that habit is what allows me to actively work towards that goal...with very little effort at all. It's a goal to be a good steward of the time available to me for work. It's a habit to start my day by checking what's on my to do list and figuring out what needs more brain power (so earlier in the day tasks) and what takes less (later in the day tasks). It's a goal to pad our savings account so when those rainy day events happen, we're not scrambling to figure out how to pay for them. It's a habit to automatically transfer a set amount of money each month into that account, and then live within our means with what's left. 

Do you see where I'm going with this? Habits can be good or bad, but the way I'm looking at it this year is that the positive habits that I started developing in 2019 are just my goals in action. Goals are just words on paper, but habits only occur because you're actively doing something. 

Over the next 12 months I would like to see my work habits continue to develop, becoming more creative with the time that I have so that I will be able to do more (which, in turn, helps fund things like taekwondo, which means I will have that down time for reading to reach my goal...one positive habit affecting another). I've toyed with the idea of trying to run this year. I have a 9 year old who would love it if I would run with her, but I've never been a runner. It scares me. Maybe this is the year...or maybe I'll pull out my bike again and ride alongside her...or maybe she'll run while I walk. Whatever happens, I want 2020 to be the year I challenge myself more. What about you?

The Grass Won't Mow Itself

Working in front of a fireplace on Monday... working with the windows open on Thursday. This is spring in East Tennessee! 

In other news, today at 3:30, Spring Break (Part Deux) began, with the kids home for the next 4 days as we celebrate Easter. It will be a different celebration this year as they are all Christians (which they weren't last year), and we have been reading through the Gospels so that they have a better idea of why we celebrate. In the words of one child when she realized what Jesus did for her, "Wow. That was really nice of Him!" Now there's an understatement, but it's an improvement on last year! And while the older four are beginning to get it, the youngest asked when we were going to do that "egg thing". She's 5... we'll get there. 

My reading has slowed down a bit the last couple of weeks (thus the lack of WOMNS posts), but I'm currently reading an early readers version of The Lost Vintage that I won from a Goodreads giveaway. Every once in a while it pays to fill those forms out! Anyway, I read both of Ann's previous books, including Mastering the Art of French Eating (which I loved), and so far I'm really enjoying her foray into novels. I try to read a few pages every night, but honestly, most nights I find myself nodding off and wake up only when the book falls out of my hands and hits my head. Winner, winner, chicken dinner. I'm officially old now. 

And speaking of old... over the last year, my pants have become increasingly tight, much to my dismay. As I recently told a friend, most women who complain about the weight they've put on have biological kids to point at and blame for it. And while I have 5 children, I can hardly point at them as the cause of my weight gain...unless I try to chalk it up to stress eating (which I really don't do). Sadly, this new phase of life appears to be tied to heading downhill to 40 and my family genes finally catching up to me, but I'm not going down (or rather - up) without a fight. 

Which is why, last week, I informed the Hubs that he needed to drag the mower out of mothballs because I was going to kill two birds with one stone - save money by not paying someone else to mow our acre (as we have for the last few years), and get some much needed exercise in. On Sunday afternoon he showed up with a new self-propelled mower (as our old mower had finally given up the ghost), and I spent about 2 hours pushing it up and down our hill. I only got about 1/4 of the yard done. Why did I think this was a good idea?? At any rate, it's scheduled to rain tomorrow, so I guess that means that I need to change my clothes and hit it again while he makes dinner. That grass isn't going to mow itself... sadly. 

Leave me a comment below and let me know what's new in your world! And for those who are celebrating - Happy Easter! 

He is Risen!

Thoughts from My Desk

Spring break week for the work-from-home mom looks something like this...

While the kids take over the house, I am earbuds-in, door closed, and working away in my bedroom home office. One thing I never anticipated when I started freelancing six years ago was the freedom that it would give me to continue to use another section of my brain if we ever had kids. In fact, at the time of taking that leap from traditional employment to self-employed, the Hubs and I were happily kid-free by choice (and had been for 12 years) with absolutely no plans on changing that. Unbeknownst to us - GOD did.

Now here I sit with Mozart cranked in my ears, attempting to focus on the writing job that I need to complete by tomorrow while our five (yes, 5!!) adopted kids are hanging out in the basement movie room (directly below my office - and no insulation) cackling over the antics of Cliff and Claire Huxtable and their 5 television children. My, how life has changed. 

As I was saying, the freedom that comes from knowing that if life gets a little too crazy (or boring or mundane, "do I really need to answer the same question five times, or can you not all listen at the same time?!"), I know that I have a way of escape through the work that I do, with the bonus that this sanity saver is also putting some much needed extra change in our savings.

Because I chose to continue to work from home, I can say "yes" to the kids trying new things: taekwondo, ballet, gymnastics, summer camps. Because I use the skills that God gives me, I can model the idea to my girls that being a wife and mom - willingly or not-so-willingly - doesn't mean that they are limited to one or two roles, if God opens a door for them to use their talents in other ways. Because I set aside a few hours each week to write, edit and consult, I can view the ever-growing grocery receipt without blanching because I know God's already provided for it.

When we were about to leave to go get the kids, I took an indefinite leave of absence from the company that had been my primary bread and butter for freelance work, not knowing if I would have the time or energy to work once we had the kids, nor whether they would still have work to offer me if I did. I'd been home about a month when the woman who took me on the first time contacted me a second time and asked if I'd be willing to come back a few hours a week - as needed - in a revised role. You wouldn't believe how fast I jumped at the chance. I needed the normal. I needed the distraction from the chaos that was my life at the time. I needed to be able to zone out from everything that was making me feel completely incompetent and be able to competently contribute to a project. I needed to be someone besides "mom".

It's not always easy - like the juggling that occurs during spring and summer breaks - but I'm still grateful for the opportunity to play multiple roles - wife, mother, daughter, sister, editor, writer, consultant, co-worker. I didn't think I'd be a mom, let alone a working mom (those were rather taboo in the Christian community when I was growing up), but here I am, and I thank God daily for the way He continues to orchestrate every aspect of my story.