The Hardest Word

Can you guess what it is? It's just two letters. In fact, they're even next to each other in the alphabet. That's right, it's NO. Just a small little thing, but it has the power to change things if we would be willing to use it. 

This week I had to pull it out of mothballs when a project I really wanted to be a part of just didn't fit my current season of life. I'd been putting off pulling the plug on it because I just knew that if I rearranged this and moved that around, I could find the time to make it happen. I could shoehorn it into my life. But the more I tried to do it, the more I thought about it, and the longer it hung over my head, the more I knew what I had to do. 

And so I wrote the email and as soon as it was sent, I felt a weight lift. I'd known all along that I didn't have time to do it, but I so wanted it to work out, that I was willing to go on and on, trying to make it happen. But here's a lesson I've learned...don't force things. If it's meant to be, then it's going to fall into place without the aid of a hammer and chisel.

Photo by Kai Pilger on Unsplash

No. It's such a simple word, that wields so much power. What if more parents said it to their kids? I wonder if I would look around and sigh quite as much as I do now, or shake my head over the state of the world. What if we said it more often when advertising agencies told us what gimmick would make our life easier? What if we used it when tempted by all the things that we think will make us happier, but never do? What if we said it to toxic situations/people or to unhealthy habits? 

Or what if we said it, as I did this week, to opportunities that look good. In fact, really seem like something we'd enjoy doing, but the timing is all wrong, and they end up adding more stress instead of being enjoyable? I didn't want to write and send that email, but the (almost immediate) response I receive confirmed that I had, in fact, made the right call to use my little word. And all week, ever since I said it, I've felt freedom. The freedom to say NO to good things can be as freeing, sometimes more so, than saying it to things that we know are bad for us. It feels like freedom and power and progress.

I can say no to good things if they are good things but bad timing. What about you? What was the last thing that you said "no" to and felt good about once it was done? Don't be afraid to use this tiny powerhouse. 

Inches, Pounds, and Ahas!

After 31 days of no sugar, no fake sweeteners, and low starches, I stepped on the scale and saw that I was down 7 lbs. from where I started on January 1st. Each week I measured my chest, waist, hips, and thighs, and after a month of cutting out sweets and curbing the snack attacks, the loss of a few inches and half inches were making themselves felt in the fit of my clothes. And while it's nice to see those kinds of results, other, unexpected lessons crept up during the month that made the most significant impact. 

Lessons like...

• Realizing that I was addicted to sugar and didn't see it.
• Recognizing that I turned to sugary coffee drinks for comfort on bad days.
• I used food as a reward for hard days or other "sacrifices" I had made.
• When I felt frustrated with life, I replaced going to God with going to Starbucks.
• For someone who prides herself on being very self-aware, I snacked mindlessly.
• Since I was trying to buy less stuff...I made up for it by buying more food.
• Worst of all, I taught my kids that "treats" should be a regular occurrence.

Bottom line: food, specifically sugar, had become an idol. I worshipped the temporary "high" that a stop at Starbucks would give me. I bowed at the altar of donuts.

Photo by Rod Long on Unsplash

With the revelations of January fresh before me, I made the conscious decision to extend the lifestyle changes another month, and potentially longer. Not only was I seeing the physical benefits of the choices I was making in what and when I ate, but I also felt better than I had in months, if not years. The unexpected discoveries of the hold that sugar had on me just added to my desire to continue down this path and see where it led. 

Although at first, I missed my Starbucks stops and late-night binge snacking, I found that I much preferred the feeling of being satisfied with less. It was equally, if not more addicting than the temporary sugar rush that accompanied eating a doughnut the size of my face or downing a large Diet Coke. I became aware of the number of times I unconsciously associated going somewhere with picking up a treat. Drop the kids off at taekwondo, stop and get a coffee. Run errands on Saturday morning and bring home a Chick-fil-A chicken biscuit for the Hubs and me.

Treat, when used as a noun, is defined as: an event or item that is out of the ordinary and gives great pleasure. But when the event or item is no longer out of the ordinary, can it still be called a treat? When a doughnut truck came every week to a local parking lot, and I started stopping more and more often...was it still a treat? Or had my kids (and I) come to expect it? 

Several years ago, when the Hubs and I were laser-focused on paying off our first mortgage, we only allowed ourselves to go out to eat once a month. After money was less of an issue for us, going out stopped being a treat and became routine. "Do you feel like cooking tonight? No? Me neither. Let's go out." 

Last month I was reminded of that austere time in our lives as I once again began to deny myself the "treats" that had become expected and regular. In fact, I found that it became easier to tell myself "no" the longer I did it. Why? Because I wanted the rush of actual treats. Something that truly was out of the ordinary. Something that was unexpected, rather than something that was commonplace. 

I've told myself that I can now have one treat from Starbucks every month, using the gift cards I received for Christmas and my birthday. But instead of rushing towards the drive-thru on February 1st, I discovered there is even more joy in waiting. In fact, as I type this, with the end of the month rushing towards me, I have yet to go. 

The surprise "Aha!" of the last two months has been that the discipline of being more mindful of what I eat, what I spend my money on, and how I prioritize my time has made me want more. 

• More of the feeling of accomplishment when my waistband isn't digging into my stomach. 
• More of the sense of freedom that comes from paying cash at the grocery store and sticking to the budget. 
• More guilt-free time to spend reading for pleasure because my work isn't hanging over my head, and dinner is in the Crock-Pot. 
• More of Jesus, less of me. 

Idols don't always take the form we might think...sometimes they are shaped like bite-sized sugar bombs and time-sucking YouTube videos. Sneaky little things... So I'll close this with a question for you to ponder: What idols are ensconced in your life? If you take time to think about this and be honest, you might find yourself to be just surprised as I was. 

Hold That Impulse!

I recently found myself on a website of a store that I hadn't visited in some time. In fact, it had been several years since I had been a regular customer of theirs. But after a conversation with someone triggered an idea for a future gift, I typed their URL in my browser and was immediately sucked into the "Additional Discount Sales Vortex." You know the one? When something that had originally been $50 is marked down, with an additional discount "added in cart," to just $15. I not only purchased the originally intended gift, but I threw in four more items for good measure. The whole thing, including shipping and tax, still fell under $100, but these days, that's more than I have in disposable income. I know I'm not alone in this.

Photo by Xiaolong Wong on Unsplash

With the cost of groceries ever skyrocketing and getting excited when Kroger has their 18-count eggs on sale, 2/$7, I really don't have money to throw around on items I don't need...and didn't know I wanted until I saw the sale price. When it costs over $100 to fill up the Hub's work vehicle, and self-employment taxes are looming over our heads, it really doesn't matter how cute the item is or what kind of deal it appears to be...bills before thrills. 

January is always the hardest month for me. My ancestral Scotch-Irish frugality comes out of hiding as soon as I see perfectly good items - things that I would want to buy anyway as future gifts - now flaunting themselves before me with clearance stickers and preening around under giant "Semi-Annual Sale" banners. If I stick to my list of people and gifts, then I can definitely stretch a dollar and get more for them than if I was paying full price, but the problem is...I see those discounts and suddenly things that I never needed before (like cute winter-themed car air fresheners) end up in my cart as well. If you're curious how I know this...I'm staring at one on my desk as I type this. 

So how can we avoid those impulse purchases? Is there anything besides good, old-fashioned self-control? I've got a few little ideas to toss out there...do with them what you will.

• Sleep on it. I'm sure you've heard this one before, but if you're tempted to click, "Buy Now" - stop. If it's a sale item, it's possible that your desired size and color may not be there tomorrow. But then again, by tomorrow you may have forgotten all about it.
• Carry cash. If you know it's sale season (as it is every January with certain body-care and lingerie stores), give yourself a budget. In cash. And then go to the store, guilt-free. If you find things, you have the cash. If you don't find things, you get to take the cash home. And if you find more than you have cash for...you have to make some hard in-store choices and walk away from the rest. 
• Regret fixes nothing. You're going to flub up every once in a while. We're all human, we all do it. You're going to click "buy now" on Amazon without following rule #1. You're going to come home with something not on your list from the Aldi Finds aisle. You will be swayed by the "additional 40% off" pop-up on the website. So when those things happen, don't beat yourself up about it. If you regret the purchase, pull out the receipt and head back to the store or pack it up to go back to Amazon. Regret fixes nothing, but returns do. 

Remember those items I purchased on impulse? The ones that started with a gift idea and ended up being mostly for me? I knew I didn't need them, but I sure could use a couple of cartons of eggs and a gallon of milk. So after thinking about it for a few days, I returned two of them to a local branch of the store. I walked out with $42 back in my bank account, and a smile on my face. Don't let a momentary impulse throw off your financial groove. Pick yourself back up, return your mistakes, and move on. Tomorrow is a new day. 

Enough.

One question. Three words. Two of them just one syllable. 

When the Aldi Finds post comes up on Instagram, and the first thing that comes to mind is, "Oohhh...I need to stop by there!" follow that thought up by asking yourself, "Is it necessary?" 

When the sale flyer lands in your inbox and you see your favorite store is taking an additional 40% off the clearance price, instead of clicking on the link, ask yourself, "Is it necessary?" 

This simple question goes along very nicely with others, such as...

• Do I really need it?
• Will my life be better if I have this?
• Could I use something I already own?
• What could I use the money for instead?

And my personal favorite...

Why did I not need it before I knew it existed? 

Photo by Tamanna Rumee on Unsplash

I'm currently reading How To Break Up With Fast Fashion: A guilt-free guide to changing the way you shop – for good, a book written by Lauren Bravo and published in January 2020. While much has changed in the world since its publication, including COVID, lockdowns, supply-chain issues, recessions, and $5 cartons of eggs, the idea of mindless buying or overbuying, has not. In fact, if anything, the 2020 pandemic made the problem worse, when we were all stuck inside, but Amazon was still delivering. And now that the financial status of the U.S., among other countries, is on the verge of insanity, it often feels that our only option for clothing our kids and ourselves are the cheaply made t-shirts and one-season pants offered by "fast fashion" vendors like Old Navy and Walmart. 

I get it. I have five kids. Although the eldest is out on her own and hasn't wanted me to buy her clothes in a few years due to a difference in style taste {ahem}, the other four are all still in their growth spurts and it feels like a never-ending cycle of buying fast fashion, because it's what we can afford, only to have it fall apart, wear out, or simply give up months, and sometimes weeks, after purchase.  

In 2020, I read Secondhand: Travels in the New Global Garage Sale by Adam Minter, which I found both fascinating and thought-provoking. After spending four years living and working in several developing nations (or, a little less P.C. - third-world countries), I wasn't entirely unaware of the situations described by Minter and Bravo in their respective books. When we lived in a small country in southern Africa, we commuted almost daily past a local garment factory where GAP and Levis jeans were made. In one Southeast Asian country, down a bumpy dirt road, I found beautiful pottery bowls in a store, stamped with the official emblem of Williams & Sonoma, and was told they were made in a factory not far away. And yet in each case, a new pair of GAP jeans or a set of mixing bowls would cost more to buy than the worker who made them would make in a month? Two months? Six months? It was, and is, sobering. 

And so, I ask again, is it necessary? Or do I, in fact, have enough? These are the questions I'm pondering and have been for quite some time. And of the things I have, how much do I donate (and thus contribute even more to the "global garage sale") and how much do I keep in the hopes that I can repurpose it? I'm not an environmentalist, and I don't think we can save the planet (I mean, Revelation is a bit of a spoiler alert on that idea), but I do believe that God has entrusted us with this creation of His, and we are to be good caretakers and stewards of the resources He gives us. And beyond that, and even more importantly, we are to love the people in this world, as He does. Am I loving them well by sending them my junk or supporting the working environments I've both observed and read about, by buying fast fashion? I don't think I am. 

This is not the end of the conversation, but it is the beginning. I'm still pondering, still reading, still learning. January 2023 was a month of changing habits and beginning a journey of becoming a better steward of many things, including my body (what I eat and how I treat it), my time (what I spend it on), my money and resources, and now, apparently, my closet. I don't know where this will end, but I suspect that ENOUGH just became my word of the year. 

The Grace of Small Victories

I started writing a blog post last week entitled, "Stuck." Because that was how I was feeling. Very, very stuck. Stuck in this weight loss journey, stuck in what I was eating, stuck in the habits I was trying to develop and cultivate. I wasn't ready to give up, but I was discouraged and tired of feeling like I was getting nowhere fast. 

And then I did my Saturday weigh-in and was utterly surprised when I was down another 2 lbs. I measured all the parts I've been measuring and had dropped between 1/4 and 1/2" of an inch on three of the four (my thighs, I am sorry to say, have decided to put up a fight, but this is a marathon, not a sprint, so we'll see who wins in the end). And suddenly I didn't feel as stuck anymore. 

Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya on Unsplash

Pondering this mental switch, I began to reflect on the fact that one tiny little positive change, one little step of encouragement in the right direction, really does wonders for your perspective. Instead of feeling like denying fleshly cravings and losing sugar wasn't worth my time, I suddenly felt like what I was doing was worth it. It made it easier to say no, easier to reach for the water bottle rather than the coffee pot, and easier to enjoy the freshly ground peanut butter on one slice of the Keto bread. 

Telling myself "no" to a few little things that I had been, unwittingly, using as comforts suddenly felt worth it in order to reach a bigger goal of feeling healthier and liking what I saw in the mirror a little bit more. It was a small victory step that surprised me in its weightiness. Mentally, it was the boost I needed to keep going and not give up. 

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There are all sorts of things that we give up on in life. Challenges to read a certain number of books. Goals to walk a set number of steps. Plans to visit new places, see new things, and try new foods. Or even the intention to forgive past wrongs, break bad habits, or avoid making the same mistakes over and over again. 

We start out strong - we read the first book, we walk the first week, we download the Airbnb app, and we make a list of new restaurants to try. We have every intention of forgiving that person we've been holding a grudge against...until we see them. We make it a day or two without spending money we don't have on stuff we don't need. We stand firm in our resolve...until it's been a long day, a bad week, or a hard month. And then we allow the negatives to overwhelm the positives. 

When it's been several days of not making time to read, it's easy to just throw in the towel and say, "Oh well, I might as well not even try at all," and then pick up your phone and start scrolling through your favorite social app. 

After feeling like you've denied yourself of everything you wanted for a week and then the scale says, "Nothing's changed. Nice try. Thanks for playing," it's not surprising when we shout, "Why even try?!" and wheel into the local coffee shop for a high calorie beverage or stop for doughnuts. 

Or when you extend the hand of love and friendship to someone and get kicked in the pants for your troubles, or get burned again when you lower your guard, daring to hope that this time something will be different, it's not surprising that most of us say, "I knew it," and shut the door to ever trying something like that again. 

So what do we do? Do we give up? Do we cave and then kick ourselves a little bit more when the scale moves up, when the bank account is at $0 but our closets are full of cloths we don't wear, when nothing at all changes and this year begins to look exactly like last year? No. That's when it's time to look for the positives.

Small steps, sometimes so infinitesimal that they'd be hard to see without a magnifying glass, are the small victories that help keep us going. If I was only focused on the numbers on my scale, I would probably have given up by now. But because a friend suggested that I also measure inches (which I've never done before), I knew that even though it felt like nothing had changed, things actually were happening. You wouldn't believe how excited I got when I was down a measly quarter of an inch. But, on the small victory side, I wasn't up a quarter of an inch! 

And when that person disappoints you again, when they fail to show up or they break their own resolutions, instead of shutting down, why not do a little self-reflection? What failures would you like people to judge you by? My guess is...none. Rather than judging the parent/friend/child/sibling/co-worker by their failures to live up to their own expectations, let alone yours, why not consider extending grace to them? You might be surprised. It could be just the boost of encouragement they need to pick up their pieces and try again. Don't blow them out of the water. Give them a small victory. 

The 30-Minute Difference

Towards the end of 2023, I wrote a post about making your own time. It was an idea I was still trying to formulate in my own head, but I finally put some of those thoughts into practice this month and have been pleasantly surprised by the results. 

Photo by Lukas Blazek on Unsplash

After becoming increasingly frustrated with our homeschool schedule, I started making plans for how things could be different in the new year. A new schedule meant organizing my time a little differently. As I looked at where our time had been going, I realized I just needed a little more space in the day to get it all done. 

Since I couldn't pull any more time from the afternoons/evenings, which is my freelance work time, I had to look to the morning. On a whim, I decided to try getting us all up and moving 30 minutes earlier. The results, so far, have been overwhelmingly positive. 

Instead of always running late, I'm now the first one in the schoolroom, and usually have a few minutes to myself to get things settled - things like lighting the candle on my desk and filing away papers that were handed in the previous day - before the kids come in. Not having a frazzled teacher does wonders for the learning environment, let me tell you!

In addition to adding 30 minutes to the morning routine, I also started aiming to remove 30 minutes from the nighttime routine. I knew it was possible because I knew that my working hours weren't always the most focused of the day. And while I naturally gravitate toward being a night owl, if this was going to work, I knew I still needed to try to get a good 7-8 hours of sleep. 

By just switching the schedule up by 30 minutes, I have found our school days to be far more productive. Giving myself dedicated evening working hours has allowed me to be more focused with my time and attention, and has even given me the margin to do things like write this blog post, or read a chapter or two in one of the books on my nightstand.

I'm still tweaking different aspects of this habit-in-the-making, but I like what I see so far. It might not seem like 30 minutes would make that much of a difference, but then again, you might be surprised. Give it a try and let me know how it turns out. 

In the meantime, if you'll excuse me, I need to get this post scheduled and knock out a couple more projects before logging off and snuggling down into bed with my latest read (in case you're curious, it's The Nineties by Chuck Klosterman - a Christmas gift from the Hubs) before the Sandman wins the battle for sleep.

Sugar LESS

Happy New Year! I initially thought about titling this post, "Sugar-FREE in '23" but I'm just not that corny, plus it's not entirely factual. I'm not planning to go totally off of sugar, except for the month of January (more on that in a minute), so it's more about consuming less sugar in the coming year, in all its various forms. 

Photo by Joanna Kosinska on Unsplash

I've seen numbers quoted by various sources in the U.S. that claim the average American eats 42.5 teaspoons of sugar every day. That's a lot of sugar! From sugary drinks to candy to donuts to the added sugars in condiments and even the fake sugar in "sugar-free" products, we consume far more than is good for us or our bodies. 

I'm far from being a health nut. But as I have been re-reading the Little House series of books to my kids, I have been struck once again by the fact that the only candy consumed by the Ingalls girls were the small bags of a few pieces (or one stick) found in a stocking on Christmas, or the occasional maple syrup candy made when it snowed. Otherwise, sugar was saved for the tea when company came, and honey was a treat when a hive was found. That's a far cry from our sugar-saturated lives of the 21st century.

This Christmas I was noticing the number of times I popped a candy in my mouth, sipped on a Diet Coke, or made an excuse to stop by our local Mennonite doughnut truck. Stockings were filled with sugary delights, and the month was doubly saturated as I drove around town collecting my free birthday cake slice, personal pie, and Venti coffee drink of my choice. On Christmas day, as I sat at my parent's house feeling absolutely stuffed, I uttered a sigh of frustration and shot off a text to a couple of friends, asking why I had so little (essentially none at all) self-control when it came to what I stuffed in my mouth. 

A day or two later, I jokingly said to a friend, "I'm thinking about doing a sugar fast for the month of January...I will if you will!" And when she wrote back and said, "How serious are you?" I immediately knew it was time. Time to break some sugary holds, cleanse the palate, and practice what I preach to my kids - namely, "have some self-control why don't you??" 

So, here's my public announcement, and my declaration of intent: For the month of January - 31 days - I will be avoiding (as much as possible) obvious sources of sugar. This includes candy, sugary coffee and coffee ingredients (which means I'm drinking tea all month because I hate black coffee!), desserts, sugar-laden sauces, etc. I'll also be steering clear of white bread (which will be a real challenge as I have been making homemade bread in our bread machine several times a week for the family), white rice, and pasta. I'll be checking labels, and plan to substitute my water "add-ins" (which contain sugar substitutes) with plain ol' fizzy water, just to give it a little kick. 

This should be in addition to some of my other "small victory" goals for the year, including walking (or moving) more, and while continuing the intermittent fasting that I've been doing for the last month. I'm both nervous and excited to see how this goes, and hopeful that I can report back in a month with a positive outcome. Here goes nothing...

Simplifying the Holidays

Feeling overwhelmed by the holidays? Wondering, like Linus, if Christmas is too commercial? 

Welcome to the club.

My pillow (in the background of the photo) says it in many languages...it's Christmas. In December 2019, just prior to COVID taking over the world and forcing us to a sudden stop, I wrote a note to myself. I just stumbled across it again and felt that it was worth sharing with a larger audience because three years later, it still resonated with me. Oh, the stresses are different (homeschooling vs. finding teacher gifts), but the sentiment is still the same. And the reminder...every bit as pertinent. May you find encouragement in what you read below, and take heart...the Reason we celebrate is greater than the chaos of this world! 

This image is the personal property of C.G. Koens and may not be used without permission.

I'm usually super prepared, with everything wrapped and ready to go at the beginning of November. But this year everything's sneaking up on me...teacher gifts (I have them all, just not wrapped, and as to WHEN they'll be delivered...well...that's anybody's guess!), last week of school events ("Mom, are you bringing anything to...?"), gift card exchanges (Wait, what? WHY?), work projects (right, that's due right after Christmas, and I'm not working that week, so I need to turn it in this week, so...), bills (oops, look what got buried on my desk!), and now a feverish hubby (he's actually used 2 sick days - highly unusual for him) who's also out of commission for parenting, which makes me realize just how much I rely on him to help me juggle things when he comes home after work. And then last night, when the 8-year-old came in and said he felt "exhausted" and didn't balk when I suggested he go put on his pajamas and go to bed at 5 p.m., I knew another one was down for the count. I told the girls this morning that none of them were allowed to get whatever bug this is, and that you had to have a "Y" chromosome to pick it up. We'll see how well that works.

At any rate, after dinner and getting everyone in bed, and checking on the two sickies, I plopped on the couch for a moment and appreciated my new birthday shoes (courtesy of my amazing Hubs, who knows me so well) and the Christmas tree and a moment to be still.

I've seen a number of posts this year from people who are feeling overwhelmed, over-committed, and unprepared. I'm sure Mary felt the same way...but NOT for the same reasons. 

Although I thought I'd intentionally slowed down this year, I find myself feeling like I've been wound too tightly. I just discovered a bag of fun Christmas goodies that I bought because I wanted to be intentional and make some fun memories with the kids...but it was hidden under all the STUFF I need to deal with. Life IS busy, especially with five kids, but last night made me realize I don't want to miss WHY we are celebrating. Don't get me wrong...I love the tree and the lights. I love the music and the food (a little too much on the latter!). I love hunting down gifts that will make the recipients squeal. But in the end, the Grinch was right...it's not about the tinsel and trappings, and it doesn't come from a store.

Two thousand years ago (give or take a few years), a teenage girl said, "I am the Lord's servant," in response to a message that would make her a cultural outcast, potentially end her engagement to a good man, and change the course of her life forever. I am thankful for her example, that she responded in this way and opened her life up in obedience to God's calling, no matter how crazy it sounded to her family and friends. I know a tiny bit about what that feels like (believe it or not, some people thought we were a little nuts for adopting 5 kids at once...go figure!), but being available when God called was, much like Mary, one of the best decisions we've ever made.

And so this Christmas, in the midst of busyness and sickness and holiday folderol I want to stop and say the same: I am the Lord's servant. I don't know what that will look like, but I do know it means being open to being pulled in the directions that He chooses. That might mean getting involved with people who need to see His love this season, or it might mean focusing on instructing the kids in what's eternal and what's of this world. Whatever it looks like, He must increase and I must decrease.

If you've read this far, Merry Christmas, everyone!

Make Your Own Time

Wouldn't it be amazing if we could create time for the things we enjoy? My own personal preference is reading, but it wouldn't have to be. For you, it might be doing something crafty, like painting or knitting or hand-lettering, like my friend Elizabeth. Or it could be getting outside to work in a garden, pulling weeds in your yard, taking a walk around the block, or hiking the nearest mountain trail. Maybe you'd love to get together with friends a little more often over coffee or lunch, or perhaps you've always wanted to go back to school to finish that degree you put off two decades ago. Any one of these things could easily be written off as something you don't have time for...but if you were honest with yourself, is that really true? 

Photo by Sonja Langford on Unsplash

This is the question I've been asking myself recently, as I've been taking a look at the things I accomplished over the past 12 months, and the things I let slide. It's been a busy year, filled with things I planned for, and things I didn't see coming. Much of my time has been taken up with caregiving, moving, counseling, teaching, and occasionally trying to have a conversation with the Hubs that's deeper than the "highlight reel" of the day. So yes, much time...but not all. 

Despite having my hands full with freelance work, homeschooling four kids, two aging parents who downsized this year, and launching the first adult child out into the world, I still had time to waste, and waste it I did...if I'm really being honest. 

For one thing, I finally gave in and opened an Instagram account this year. A few weeks ago I had this sense that I was spending a lot more time on there than I would like to admit to myself. So I put a timer on it, allowing a certain number of minutes a day that count down from midnight. I freely admit that I was shocked at the number, and how quickly the time frittered away. I originally gave myself 2 hours a day, thinking that would be way too much time. But after a couple of days of getting close to that mark, I moved it back to 90 minutes, and then 60 minutes. As is often the case, just making myself aware of it helped curb the temptation to click on the app, unless I had something I actually wanted to post. But it also got me thinking...we make time for so much in our busy days, but are we really making time for the best stuff? The stuff that feeds our hearts, souls, and minds. 

Case in point...prior to June, when I opened my account, I wasn't spending 120 minutes a day scrolling through a feed or watching silly little videos of guinea pigs and puppies. So what was I doing with those 2 hours of time in a day? Honestly? I was watching YouTubers live their lives on camera, documenting their travel plans or explaining minimalism. When school was done for the day, I would escape to our bedroom and sit down at the computer. After first scrolling through Facebook, I would turn to YouTube and lose myself (and an hour or more of my time) in the lives of other people and their quest for the perfect wedding dress, house, or airport lounge. The next thing I knew, I would look at the clock and realize it was 6 PM and I hadn't done anything for dinner. Two hours gone, and absolutely nothing to show for it. 

In years past I have tracked 70+ books a year on Goodreads. Hours of reading, learning, and losing myself in words on a page. This year, the number was significantly lower at just 22. I was surprised at the lower number and originally chalked it up to being low on time due to the craziness of the year. But when I started taking an honest inventory of how I was spending my time, I knew it was more than that. And I knew that my time was going where I told it to go...which just wasn't to the best of places. 

So...

• I haven't closed my Instagram account, but I've lowered my own time limit. 
• I haven't stopped watching some of my favorite YouTubers, but I have unsubscribed from several channels and accounts that no longer felt as important as the time I have been giving up to them and their notifications. 
• I haven't found a way to add more hours to the day, but I am finding better ways to use the time in my day. 

What Happened to The Twelve?

In January, after reading a post from Jules, I was inspired to set a goal of writing one blog post per month. This felt manageable, albeit a far cry from the days of writing five posts a week, back in the heyday of blogging. I did pretty well, through June, despite some major personal challenges in my immediate and extended family. But when my mother ended up in the hospital in July, while my father ended up with Covid at home, and my eldest child was freaking out about moving out on her own and starting college, the blog (and so many other plans) once again got set to the side for more important things. 

Through August 1st, I wrote a grand total of eight posts, and then something had to give. I shared post #9 last week, an ode to the purge of stuff that is currently sweeping our home (thanks in part to the major move I've been assisting my parents with all fall), and this makes #10. 

One year, twelve months, ten posts. It doesn't feel like much, and yet every time I managed to write something it felt like an accomplishment. Something for me. Something that used another part of my brain, that dug up another part of my old life. Something that fed a desire that is still deeply buried within. Something I don't want to fully give up just yet.

Sometimes when I'm in the middle of reading history with three of my kids or trying to wrap my head around a middle school math problem, I suddenly think of something I'd like to write about. I miss writing. But life must take precedence, and at this point as a homeschooling mom of four, it's more important to ensure that they know how to read and write than it is to get my creative juices flowing or attempt to build any kind of following again. 

And so in those moments when the inspiration for a post comes, I breathe a sigh and realize those days have passed. I will never be a famous blogger or an influencer, other than in my own little realm of influence. But in my 41st year of life, I find that I'm okay with those facts, in a way that I wasn't in my 20s. 

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

And so here we are, at the end of yet another year. Hoping to finish well, and looking ahead to the possibilities and unknowns of 2023. I've got a list of smaller, and hopefully achievable, goals going in the Keep list on my phone. From time to time I think of something else I'd like to add to the checklist of small wins, so I open the app and add it. 

Read a book, write twelve blog posts, lose 2 lbs. a month...these aren't big things, but in the grand scheme of my life at the moment, achieving them would feel huge. 

If 2022 (and 2021...and 2020...) and all of its chaotic curveballs have taught me anything it's this: In 2023 I'd like to learn how to celebrate, and be content with, small victories. 

Find the Joy

I've been on a bit of a purging kick since the week of Thanksgiving. Before hosting 22 people last Thursday, I went through my kitchen and pantry and filled six large boxes with items to be donated to our local Goodwill.

It was good stuff, nice stuff, never-been-used stuff. Holiday dishes, mixing bowls, cloth napkins. It represented a realistic look at my fantasy life/family that I imagined I would have when I was in my 20s, and the reality of my (wonderful) life/family in my 40s.

 
I know what kind of mom I am...not the kind that needs 100 cookie cutters. I know what kind of hostess I am...the kind that is a raving fan of the nice holiday paper plates from Hobby Lobby. I routinely choose ease over fuss, simple over hard, and ready-made over made-from-scratch (most of the time...I have my moments).

 
Since then, the purge has continued. Three more large boxes have been packed up since the pre-Thanksgiving load, including more holiday decor as I've been going through the containers from our basement, decking the house. 

I've boxed up Christmas dishes that my mother gave to my grandparents when she and my father were poor newlyweds (a set of four, split between their two parents). One of the plates broke in a move we made 22 years ago, and the other three have been pulled out and used a handful of times since then. They hold memories...for my mom, but not for me. And so they are being passed on to someone who can love and use them, rather than collecting dust in my cabinet. 

In many ways, this purge has been more about examining the reasons I've been keeping these things, and less about the items themselves. It's not about whether they are useful or beautiful (a la William Morris), rather, it's asking myself if the only reason I'm holding onto them is for the memories associated with them, even if they aren't my memories. What I'm realizing (thanks in part to Let It Go: Downsizing Your Way to a Richer, Happier Life by Peter Walsh, $4.99 for the Kindle version as of the time of writing, and worth it if you're simplifying, downsizing, or preparing to move loved ones), is that the memories are enough...I don't need the things too.

While working on dinner this week, I looked up and "saw" this candle on the ledge of the pass-through window to the dining room. I say "saw" because it's actually been sitting in my kitchen ever since a friend gave it to me for Christmas...several years ago. I've seen it almost every day, but never took the time to do anything with it. It just sat there, as life went on. But as I looked at it this time I suddenly knew...it was time. Light the candle. Enjoy the smell, the flame, the reminder to find JOY at that moment. And when the moment is over, toss or pass it on.

 
I am thankful for these simple truths that are being revealed to me this holiday season. Find joy, use it up, share it with others, enjoy it, and cherish the memory without holding onto the stuff. Life, and specifically Christmas, is about so much more.

The Year of Weakness

Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. {2 Corinthians 12:8-10}

When a child made some poor life choices early in the year, I thought, "Well, that's going to be the low point of the year. Glad we got that out of the way early." And then when my elderly mother fell and fractured her hip, I thought, "Lord, I'm not sure how much more of this I can take in 2022." And recently, when another child decided at Easter that Christianity and Jesus rising and us spending eternity somewhere other than a box in the ground is all a hoax and not to be believed...I felt like "What have I been doing the last five and a half years?"  

Photo by Jackson Simmer on Unsplash

Even though I knew better, there was a part of me that thought 2022 would be the year I'd finally have it all together. I'd be on the ball with homeschooling (reality: I'm barely keeping my head above water as I juggle four grades and five kids); I'd get it together with time management (reality: the kids don't coordinate their needs with my neat schedule, and I consider it a win if I get a solid 5 hours of sleep); I would have more time to spend with the Hubs (reality: he changed jobs, became self-employed, is busier than ever, and all of my time is spent with the five kids who need me MORE, rather than less, as they get older). Rather than having it all together, I look far more like the LegoⓇ woman above - broken up, scattered, and utterly helpless. 

When my mom broke her hip, I had a few minutes of being alone in my car as I headed to pick up a child who was late for a Bible study she was supposed to start that night. As I drove the curving mountain roads from my parent's home, I found myself slamming my hands against the steering wheel and crying. Why God? I cannot take any more. I cannot do this any longer. My life is already full. I'm already tired...WHY? WHY? WHY?? Okay, so it was more like a whine than a cry (although there were tears of anger and frustration as well). And it was while I was wiping away the tears that the verses above came to my mind. His power is made perfect in my weakness. 

As I continued to drive, I asked God, "How? How am I supposed to BOAST in my weakness?? I don't know how to do that. I don't know why I would do that. I don't like weakness...and You want me to BOAST in it? Fine. [Insert a snarky, "challenge accepted" attitude here] I will boast. Teach me how to boast in my weakness." 

And God did just that. I instantly knew that if I couldn't boast in it, and if I couldn't rejoice in it, then I was going to miss the lessons He wanted to teach me. The tears dried up, the anger dissipated, and I was able to grip the wheel and say out loud, in the quiet of my empty car, "Yes, Lord. Okay. I see it now. I am weak. I must be weak if Your power is to rest on me because otherwise, it's all about me. And I'm missing the point. So...thank You. Thank You for this opportunity to lean into your power and rejoice in my weakness. For when I am weak, then You are strong in my life." 

When we realized that a child we thought knew Jesus really didn't...it was a blow. And when another child cornered me for two hours in a car and unloaded her concerns about her siblings, I thought, "Wow, if we come out of this with ANY of the kids following Jesus, it will ONLY be through the power of God, for His glory...not mine. Because right now my parenting batting average is taking a massive hit." And you know what? That's exactly where I needed to be. Because let's face it...I'm not amazing. If the kids all graduated magna cum laude and went on to successful careers, and proved to everyone that I was an incredible parent and nurture was, in fact, stronger than nature...then the praise would fall on me. So, as hard as this is to say, I would rather we not look successful in the eyes of the world, if all - or some - of these kids God placed in our lives eventually fully surrender their lives to Jesus and the world sees His power and He receives all the glory for a life or lives well lived. 

You would think that getting this lesson that day in the car, things might begin to turn around. But as the year has progressed, it hasn't gotten easier. And why would it? I still have more to learn.

When the phone call came in that the child had spun off the road and totaled her car (but walked away unscathed)...

When the x-ray showed two level-three sprains resulting in a boot (again)...

When the Hubs is always busy but the paying jobs are not always forthcoming...

When I am outbid by the editing competition and start second-guessing my proposal rates...

When my Facebook feed is filled with smiling, happy couples on vacations in exotic locales while I am sitting at home, cleaning out my freezer and answering the same question for the fourth time...

I am learning to sit in my weakness and find reasons to be thankful. And no, that doesn't always look the way you might think it should. The other day, while I was driving to pick up a kid and stuck behind a slow-moving vehicle, I suddenly found myself yelling. I was angry. I thought I was angry at a child, or maybe just the poor driver who was slowing me down, but as I yelled, I realized...no, it's not the child or the driver...I was angry at God. I was angry that this is the life He gave me. I was angry that things and situations aren't being "fixed" in the ways I think they should be (or not that I can see at this moment). I was mad that I am stuck here, angry at the current circumstances, and generally frustrated by the inability to make any headway. This anger lasted about a mile...and then I found my reason to be thankful: I serve a God who is big enough and loving enough and gracious enough to love me in spite of my anger. My God knew I was angry with Him before I did, and in His mercy, He opened my eyes to see His love. 

Twenty-twenty-two has been incredibly challenging, but it has also been the year that in my weakness, His strength is being made perfect. I am thankful for the year of weakness, and even though I'm mentally, emotionally, and physically ready for a break in the waves...His strength is sustaining, and I'm leaning into it. I'm not sure what your year has looked like, but if you're feeling weak, congratulations...you might be right where God wants you to be. Welcome to the club.

Giving an Answer

What can one say when tragedies occur, such as what took place in a small Texas grade school yesterday? Is God still good? Is He still in control? Did He allow this to happen? And if so...why? I have my own thoughts on the answers to each of these, but that's not what I want to share today.

My sister is a public school teacher. The question on her mind in the middle of the night was, "How do I keep them safe?" The simple answer? You can't.

Of course, we can create new laws—and possibly even try to enforce them—but what it comes down to is that the heart of man is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked (Jer. 17:9). We already have laws that say murder is illegal, and yet, from the second generation of the human race, murderous intent came naturally (Gen. 4:8). Within a few generations, the hearts of mankind had fully embraced evil, "The Lord saw how great the wickedness of the human race had become on the earth, and that EVERY inclination of the thoughts of the human heart was ONLY evil ALL the time." {Genesis 6:5 - emphasis mine}

The world is a mess. Children are killed in mass shootings; families have been ripped apart as one country attacks another; a stream of famine, disease, and hatred of those who are deemed "less" than someone else floods our feeds. If we fix our eyes on the news headlines of the BBC, it would seem that there is no point to getting out of bed in the mornings. Let's hoard our food, dig a bunker, and hunker down until Jesus returns or we die.

But now I speak to those of you who, like me, are followers of Jesus Christ. This is NOT what we have been called to do. We were warned that things would get worse before they get better.

"I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." {John 16:33}

And we were entrusted with a message of Hope to share...

"For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have HOPE." {Romans 15:4}

"For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say 'No' to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the BLESSED HOPE—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for Himself a people that are His very own, eager to do what is good." {Titus 2:11-14}

"Let us hold unswervingly to the HOPE we profess, for He who promised is faithful." {Hebrews 10:23}

Did you catch that?? >>> He who promised is faithful. <<< My brothers and sisters in the Lord, take these words to heart! He IS faithful...when the world is falling apart, when it seems like you can't handle one more piece of bad news or hardship, when you want to hide under your covers and be the "speak no evil, see no evil, hear no evil" monkeys 🙊🙈🙉 ...He is STILL faithful. He is STILL in control. And we CAN trust Him. In everything.

And so what if the worst comes? What if we are faced with death? Do we, as Jesus followers, mourn like those who have no hope? Surely NOT!

"If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied." {1 Corinthians 15:19}

I often have this conversation with our kids. Am I looking forward to death? Yes. To quote my cousin, because I do not serve a dead Christ, but a living Christ. I know why I'm here, and I know where I'm going. Am I looking forward to the PROCESS of dying? No, of course not! Who looks forward to that? I'm a human wimp, just the same as anyone else. The process of dying could be painful, it could be prolonged, it could be momentarily terrifying. But while death comes to all of us, it is not the end.

"Just as people are destined to die once, and after that to face judgment, so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many; and He will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for Him." {Hebrews 9:27-28}

And if it's painful? If it involves suffering? ⤵️

"But even if you should suffer for what is right, YOU ARE BLESSED. 'Do not fear their threats; do not be frightened.' But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the HOPE that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect," {1 Peter 3:14-15}

"I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." {Philippians 1:20-21}

May we have "sufficient courage" to face a world that needs the Hope of a Savior. May we be "prepared to give an answer" when people around us want to know why we have Hope. May we "love our neighbors as ourselves" so that they see Jesus shining through us. And if the Lord doesn't respond in the way we know He can? Then may we respond as Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego did in Daniel 3...

"King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and He will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. BUT EVEN IF HE DOES NOT, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up." {Daniel 3:16-18}

The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer. In Him, and Him alone, do I have Hope. God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. In good times and in bad, may those of us who claim to follow the Lord Jesus, exalt Him, so that others may see and seek.

February: Let's Talk Money

When I originally decided to focus on 12 things this year (one per month), it made sense to me to make one month all about the money. I knew we had some big expenses coming up (some home improvements we'd been putting off for years that could no longer be put off, a possible family vacation, college for our eldest, on top of a huge job transition), and after focusing on the cleanout in January, it was time to spend some time focusing on how to curb the outflow of cash. Here's the short version...

1. Save a Penny. I finally took our jar of coins to the local CoinStar machine and came home with an $83 gift card to Lowe's that we could use to purchase supplies for the home project.
2. Holly Jolly Savings. I transferred the equivalent of saving $12/day for 28 days from our checking to our Christmas savings fund.
3. Trade it Out. I took a stack of books and movies we no longer read or watched to our local used book store and came out with a bag of replacement books for free, plus credit to put towards a future purchase.
4. Curb the Coffee. It's been 21 days since I last stopped at Starbucks, and there have definitely been days this month when nothing sounded better than a warm decaf caramel macchiato, but I've stayed strong!

When I decided to focus on ways to save for the second month of 2022, I wasn't sure what all this was going to entail, other than a general idea to set aside $12 a day into savings. But as the month progressed, new ideas came to mind and I started to think outside the saving box and get a little creative in our ways to save.

Let's talk about Save a Penny. I've kept a jar on my desk for years now, into which we dropped our change after using cash to pay for something. Although I use change to pay for things, I seem to be the only one in my family who likes using coins, so this has been adding up. As I was focusing on cleaning off my desk in January, I was reminded of the jar and decided that it was time to do something with it. My original plan was to take it to the bank for a straight cash exchange, but on the way there I decided to stop by the grocery and check out the CoinStar options. I was sorely tempted to change it all over to a Starbucks gift card, but since I was supposed to be giving up pricey coffees this month, and as we were at the beginning of starting a couple of large home improvement projects, I "sacrificed" and went for the no-fee Lowe's gift card instead. The Hubs was happy with the outcome, and the jar is on its way back to filling up again for the next time.

Although my original idea did include transferring money from our checking to savings all month long, when I went to make the first week's transfer, I realized I needed to decide if it would go in our general savings or our Christmas fund. It only took about half a second to opt for the Holly Jolly Savings route instead. I'm always a sucker for gifts, especially with the kids, but this last Christmas (and the ensuing purge of the house) made me realize I want to be more intentional this year, and that not only includes what I give but how much I spend. Much like the ongoing purge of the house, even after the official month ended, don't be surprised if I continue to intentionally add to this pot throughout the year.

When it comes to books and DVDs, I am a fan of saving through buying used. This is nothing new, nor are my treks to the local used book shop. However, I had gotten out of the habit during COVID (buying more through Amazon), and it was only as I was cleaning out last month that I realized I had a rather large stack that I should take in and see about Trading it Out. Although they have become decidedly picky (apparently I'm not the only one purging!), I was still able to trade several books and DVDs for other books and movies that had been on my list. And what they didn't take went straight to Goodwill, along with the rest of the donations.

And finally, as of the posting of this article, it's been 21 days since I last pulled into the drive-thru of my favorite coffee spot. And it's been a doozy of a month, with more sickness, stress, and time spent sitting in my car, waiting on kids, which are exactly the types of days when I feel that I "deserve" warmth and cheer in a Venti cup. However, Curbing the Coffee has not only helped nix the $5 and $10 trips but it's also helped me get a jump start on my summer goals of losing 12 lbs (4 lbs. a month) because even the "skinny" drinks are calories I don't need. I'm trying to view this as a win-win, but honestly, this has been the hardest thing to give up this month.

*   *   *   *

So here we are, month two. Blog post #3 of the year. My car is currently packed with another load to drop off at Goodwill, and my bank account is seeing both incoming and outgoing income, which some days wants to drive me to drink (coffee, people, COFFEE!), but overall I am thankful for the lessons that I've had the opportunity to learn and work on so far in 2022. How about you?

$27.40

Strange title for a blog post, right? It comes from a graphic that Joshua Becker shared on Facebook last year, and again not that long ago. That's the daily spend amount that it takes to waste (or save) $10,000 in a year. Let that sink in for a minute.

Photo by Michael Longmire on Unsplash

Now, I'm sure some of you would argue that you don't have $27.40 to throw away on miscellaneous spending every day, and I get that. I don't typically spend that in a day either, but also keep in mind that number is an average. So let's take a look at a few of the ways that this can add up, and I'll use our family as an example.

• If we take our family of seven for take-out Japanese it costs us around $75. Let's say I do that once a month—that's $900 a year. 
• If you've got kids in sports, like we do, the monthly fees can quickly add up. Let's say you spend $400 a month on lessons and gear for two or more kids—that's $4,800 a year.
• You know I like my Starbucks stops. They're like a mini-vacation in a cup on stressful days. But at an average of $5 a pop, estimating a conservative four times a month, buying for only one person—that's $240 a year.
• The kids have done really well at school, so that calls for a celebration and a stop by our local pay-by-the-ounce ice cream shop. Cha-ching! Since we don't usually take the Hubs as he's at work, and I limit the kids to three toppings each, we can typically get out of there for around $25-30. But if we go 5-6 times a year—that's $180 a year.

You can probably see where I'm going with this. Before you know it, you're well over half-way to that $10k point, and that's not counting the stops to pick up something you "need" at TJ Maxx, or the sale you hit on clothes for the kids at Old Navy, or Christmas or any of the birthday gifts required by all those classroom invitations (a definitely bonus of homeschooling - no more class parties!). You and I might not spend $27.40 a day, but I bet if we stopped and begin counting up all the big and little expenditures, we'd be surprised at how quickly they add up, just like my examples above.

Compared to many, I would consider myself a frugal person. For over two decades, I've packed lunch for the Hubs, we've cut each others hair (and now our kids), made coffee at home (most days), shopped sales and used coupons, saved and repurposed. We don't pay for cable or Netflix, we almost never go to movies - even before COVID, and we don't take vacations. If you asked some of the kids, they'd say we're downright Scroogy! 

But the fact of the matter is, when my 1099 arrived last year from my largest client, I was shocked to see the amount and spent some time wondering where it all went last year. Yes, we were paying for private school at the time, so that took a large chunk, and yes, we paid cash for a vehicle that then needed a lot of TLC (read: parts) to get it up to speed. But despite these, and other big expenditures that happened, as I thought back over the year, I knew that my $27.40 days were definitely involved. 

So in the midst of this "no spend" month, I'm calling myself out for it. It's time to tighten the belt, not just this month, but every month. And when splurges do happen—and they will—that $27.40 needs to be in cash. Not only is this more painful for me, but it's a good visual for the kids, who often have a difficult time grasping the concept that when a card comes out, so does money. The habit of splurging has definitely shown itself already, as I've had kids light up and say, "Oh, can we get 5 Guys for dinn..." and then remember, "oh, no. It's February." Maybe if they saw me whipping out four $20 bills each time we stopped for a "quick bite" it might impact them more than a square of plastic. It's something I'm considering...for March. 😉

What about YOU? Cash or card?

↓

What makes up your $5, $15, or $27.40 splurges?

Let's Talk About Compromise...

In this year of the unknown, I've set several smaller goals to focus on: personal, physical, and spiritual. In addition to reading the stack, I'm choosing to make healthier eating choices and pay closer attention to my compromises with the world, the little things that slowly erode the foundation over time. Compromise is the common denominator among these three—the choice to waste time online or make progress in my stack of books, to indulge my craving for sweets or drink another glass of water, to actively obey God's commands rather than following after what the world says is okay. It all comes down to choices.

Photo by Nathan Boadle on Unsplash

Choices. We make them every day. I've been a Christian for most of my life, and in that time I have knowingly turned a blind eye on a lot. Whether it was towards my sexual purity as a teenager or my mental purity in what films and television shows I watched as an adult, I have not always walked the paths of the Lord, or considered His counsel. I have been judgmental when I should have been introspective and contrite. I have sought to follow Christ...while keeping a foot (or feet!) firmly planted in the world. 

About a decade ago now, God started convicting me in many of these areas, and change began to take place, despite my protestations that "it wasn't really that bad!" I recall the time when I loaned our complete set of James Bond films to a young man, later regretting our choice as we thought about what he would be seeing—hardly edifying for a young, single, male with intentions of remaining sexually pure until marriage. For that matter, when the Hubs and I watched 007, we excused the language and violence, but most importantly, we excused the flagrant sex with multiple partners and Bond's self-indulgent usage of women, because as as a married couple, "it didn't bother us." Oh how blinded we were! 

Over time, I've realized that things that I enjoyed for the first 30+ years of my life—movies, music, even some books—now hold little interest, and things that I found humorous no longer make me laugh, as I consider the ways in which they contradict what God declares to be holy and good. And yet, despite the growth, including purging our extensive film and television DVD collection, the little compromises have continued. Sure, we traded in our 007 adventures for credit at a local shop, and we purged most of the movies where they misused the Lord's name, but there were still the odd few that we just couldn't bring ourselves to ditch. 

Little compromise by little compromise, the world and it's point of view sneaked into my daily life. During the holidays I noticed it in many of the Christmas songs that I've always enjoyed and sung along to, even classics like, "Baby It's Cold Outside." It first caught my attention when I heard the kids singing along, and I started thinking about the words of the song and what it was advocating. I have four girls. Do I really want them thinking, even subconsciously, that letting a man talk them into doing something they know is wrong, is actually okay, just because it's cold outside and he's a smooth talker? There will always be excuses beyond weather, but is this what I want them to listen to and accept as normal? I have a son as well. Are these the kinds of ideas I want him to go into his teenage years with, that to sweet talk a girl into compromising on her integrity is a cool thing?

You may be sitting there thinking, "Come on, Carrie. Really? It's just a song! Don't put too much focus on it!" But that's the point, and that's where God has really been leaning on me in the last few weeks - that one compromise leads to another. It's all the little things, the seemingly harmless bits, that sneak in the quickest and take root in our hearts and minds. Titus 2:12 reminds us that the grace of God, through His offer of salvation, "teaches us to say 'No' to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age." If we want to live and look like Christ, then we must first pay attention to the little compromises that we make without even thinking.

Food for Thought:

Do you have "little compromises" in your life that need to be squashed?

It's Up to Us

I shared this on my personal Facebook account yesterday, but thought it was just as applicable to share here, today, as a reminder to us all that we can make a positive impact in our own part of the world, no matter what the politicians do or don't do, or how history books look back on this day in the future.

I think today's going to be historic, for a number of reasons, not all good. I don't talk politics on Facebook, but if I told you who I voted for, I bet I would lose half of my Facebook connections. And yet, here's the irony...the same half that I would lose often comment on my posts, bring joy to my day with their family photos, and have interacted with me in person at some point of my life and we've all gotten along...somehow. 

Friends...it's not about who you voted for on your (private) ballot...it's about how you live your life and treat your neighbor, co-worker, the young teen bagging your groceries, the purple-haired guy/gal handing you your coffee, the little old lady in front of you who's writing a check when you're in a hurry...or the people you know online. I don't care if you voted for the other guy (whichever "other" guy that was, because my vote is still private, last time I checked), I care how you treat others...how you treat me. If who a person voted for makes a difference in how we view them, then the problem really isn't in the vote, is it? 

A couple of months ago I was having a conversation with a gal I've known for a number of years, and she said that God had been changing her to see that only two things mattered in life: Love God, Love People. That really stuck with me, because it's basically Mark 12:28-31, simplified. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind, and love your neighbor as yourself. The greatest commandments. 

I am thankful that even though I've failed at both of those things in the past, 2021 is a new year, and God has given me another opportunity to put both of these into practice. It's going to be a challenge, no doubt, because I don't see 2021 getting any easier, but if I can make a difference in my little corner of the world...then I think it will be worthwhile. 

Forgive the picture...it's harder than I thought to make a heart with your hands...it looked good from my side (hmmm...funny, just like our opinions).

What's in a Word?

Maybe it's because it's January, with it's cold, drizzly days, and frosty winter mornings, but I have been in a particularly cozy mood. A mood which led me to download The Little Book of Hygge by Mike Wiking on my Kindle reading app, and see what all of this hygge (which you apparently pronouce something like "huuga," but which I continue to hear in my head as "higee") business was all about. In a nutshell, it's the coziness factor. Think candles, warm lights, fuzzy blankets, good friends, comfort food...you get the idea. These are all things that I already liked, but would have referred to as "cozy" instead, things that provided feelings of contentment and warmth. It's that sense that you get when your ice cold toes suddenly blaze with warmth while snuggled under layers of blankets and comforters. This is hygge.

Photo by Alex on Unsplash

It sounded all well and good, and whatever you wanted to call it, I saw nothing in the book that raised an eyebrow. But then I listened to an interview with the author, in which he said something that made me stop in my tracks and wonder if a Christian really had any right to get behind this particular word or idea. While explaining that over indulgence in decadent desserts, candies, hot chocolate, and alcohol was a facet of hygge, he mentioned that some might say that hygge is about "sinful pleasures." Woah. Say what? 

Let me be clear, I see absolutely nothing sinful in a warm blanket, in a cup of hot cocoa, or in enjoying the companionship of like-minded people, but when it becomes an idol...watch out. According to Wiking, hygge is not only a word that is unique to the Danish people, but it is incorporated into everything - the way you feel about a setting, the types of food you enjoy, and the people you choose to hang out with. Wiking even says that hygge is to the Danes what freedom is to Americans. And that is the danger point, isn't it? Because I know what the idea of freedom can be to Americans, and I know that it can quickly become an idol, just like safety or money or yes, even comfort.   

In Isaiah chapter 2, we see that God will not give up His worship to anyone or anything. He alone is worthy of praise, and He alone is worthy of our worship. If we want to walk in the light of the Lord (Is. 2:5), then we need to set aside anything in our lives that takes the place of Him. "The arrogance of man will be brought low, and the pride of men humbled; the LORD alone will be exalted in that day, and the idols will totally disappear." (Is. 2:17-18) When I began reading The Little Book of Hygge, the ideas seemed innocent, even good for supporting mental and emotional health, but the author's comment during his interview, tossed aside as if it was nothing at all, showed me that there was something deeper to this. And it wasn't necessarily something I wanted to embrace, as a Believer. 

It's the heart attitude that "sinful pleasures" are okay if it makes you feel good, that is the issue for me. In 1 Peter 1:14-16, the Lord is quite clear in what He expects from us, "As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as He who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: 'Be holy, because I am holy.'" Can blankets be holy, or good smelling candles, or that slice of caramel apple cheesecake that you've been saving for later? No, but neither does it make them bad, in and of themselves. They are still just things, after all. God is looking for His people to seek Him in all things, and to find joy in His creation - but because they see Him in it, not because they worship the created things themselves. However, if hurting and broken people can find tangible warmth and comfort in our home, then those fuzzy blankets and good meals suddenly have a much bigger purpose than just a passing sense of hygge. They are a part of our worship, becoming a tool for contributing to the needs of the saints and practicing hospitality (Romans 12:13).

Is it really as small as the nuance of a word (hygge vs. coziness), or is it something much deeper, that allows us to see a larger purpose in our candles, blankets, and large pots of chili? Am I hoarding blankets because they make me happy and warm, providing a sense of hygge, or am I willing to share them because I want those the Lord brings our way to find physical comfort, a listening ear, and words of Biblical encouragement? I know, I know...we're talking about a blanket, a hot drink, a silly candle, but even the smallest of items in our possession must be viewed as a tool for the Lord to use, and not merely a temporary earthly comfort, to be held for ourselves alone. What makes hygge - or anything totally focused on self - wrong for a Believer is the idea that it's all about us. John 3:30 is a continual reminder to me that Christ must become greater, and my selfish desires must become less. If being comfortable and cozy is more important to my happiness than breaking out of my comfort zone and obeying God, then we can begin to see where the problem lies. 

By all means, enjoy the cup of tea...while reading God's Word. Snuggle down in a fuzzy blanket...while chatting with a friend online about what God has been teaching you. Splurge on the slice of cake after your meal...but get a second fork for the friend who needs a listening ear (we can listen better with our mouths full, right?). Bottom line: It's not about the idea or even the application of it, but as Christians, it should be our goal to "live the remaining time in the flesh, no longer for human desires, but for God's will." (1 Peter 4:2)

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this!