It's Been Fun

On November 3, 2009, I wrote my first blog post. It was short, sweet, and to the point. It explained why I was here, back online again after writing a blog (now long gone) when the Hubs and I were childless, globe-trotting missionaries. 

Over the years I have written about books, finances, recipes, kids, marriage, being an INTJ, spiritual growth, anxiety (that's the post that started to kill blogging for me), and, of course, my love of all things pumpkin. When I had nothing better to do, I blogged five days a week. I was consistent, and even beginning to build up a tiny little following of friends - both the online and real-life kind. 

But seven years ago, our life was turned right side up, and blogging took a backseat. I still enjoyed writing, but even though I would start out strong in January, I always seemed to run out of steam around April. Last year I almost made my goal of writing one post a month, and then over-achieved at the end of the year to make up for the months I missed. 

When I began this venture, blogging was still relatively new. All the "big-time" bloggers weren't that big yet, but compared to my little dot in the online world, it felt HUGE when women like Jessica or Crystal or Anne took notice of me. While they've all gone on to be Life as Mom, Money Saving Mom, and Modern Mrs. Darcy...I failed to find an audience, a following, or a niche that was uniquely me. I joined photo challenges, participated in blog hops, and embraced the William Morris Project. 

And even though I didn't become a big-name blogger who was invited to speak at events or offered a book deal, I did meet some wonderful people along the way. Through a blog hop, I met Molly (who introduced me to the woman I've now worked with for the last 11 years). I met Elizabeth, who became a dear "real-life" (we've only ever met in person three times!) friend and prayer partner. Because of the blog, I became online friends (or Facebook friends) with other women who were kind enough to leave comments over the years, women that I never would have met had I not been bored that November day, 14 years ago...and #iamthankful.

These days my life is anything but boring. Seven years ago we adopted five children from Costa Rica. Three years ago I started homeschooling after COVID shut everything, including their schools, down, which we have continued to do, year-round. Last year the Hubs quit his "safe" office job as an electrical engineer working in the aviation industry in order to become self-employed, working on small engines and automobiles of all sizes, out of the workshop in our backyard. I continue to do freelance proofreading at night, after everyone's in bed. Add to all of that that a need to help aging parents, provide guidance for an adult child, fulfill a desire to practice regular hospitality, and try to find time to catch up with each other, read a book, or do anything else, and the blog just doesn't fit this season.

I've felt guilty about this, and disappointed in myself, but last week I was walking before the events of the day began, and was listening to a podcast by Jon Acuff. He was talking about how we have as much time as we have, but not enough time for everything, and learning how to prioritize it. Honestly, most of what he said wasn't rocket science, but it made me think about the blog again, and I realized...this is something I can say "no" to doing. It's not that I've really been doing it anyway, but officially saying farewell to the idea of it. And that thought, in and of itself, was freeing.

I don't know if anyone will even see this. I don't know if anyone will care. But if anyone is out there...thanks. Thanks for reading, for the occasional comments, and for the support over the years. I still love writing, when the mood hits, but this no longer feels like the outlet for me. I'm not closing it down, just leaving this post as a note, for anyone who stumbles upon it, to know that I have been here, I have tried, and now life is taking me in a different direction. Thanks for stopping by...now go and live life in the real world. Simply, in community, and with purpose.

TTFN. 

("Ta Ta For Now" - Tigger)

The Hardest Word

Can you guess what it is? It's just two letters. In fact, they're even next to each other in the alphabet. That's right, it's NO. Just a small little thing, but it has the power to change things if we would be willing to use it. 

This week I had to pull it out of mothballs when a project I really wanted to be a part of just didn't fit my current season of life. I'd been putting off pulling the plug on it because I just knew that if I rearranged this and moved that around, I could find the time to make it happen. I could shoehorn it into my life. But the more I tried to do it, the more I thought about it, and the longer it hung over my head, the more I knew what I had to do. 

And so I wrote the email and as soon as it was sent, I felt a weight lift. I'd known all along that I didn't have time to do it, but I so wanted it to work out, that I was willing to go on and on, trying to make it happen. But here's a lesson I've learned...don't force things. If it's meant to be, then it's going to fall into place without the aid of a hammer and chisel.

Photo by Kai Pilger on Unsplash

No. It's such a simple word, that wields so much power. What if more parents said it to their kids? I wonder if I would look around and sigh quite as much as I do now, or shake my head over the state of the world. What if we said it more often when advertising agencies told us what gimmick would make our life easier? What if we used it when tempted by all the things that we think will make us happier, but never do? What if we said it to toxic situations/people or to unhealthy habits? 

Or what if we said it, as I did this week, to opportunities that look good. In fact, really seem like something we'd enjoy doing, but the timing is all wrong, and they end up adding more stress instead of being enjoyable? I didn't want to write and send that email, but the (almost immediate) response I receive confirmed that I had, in fact, made the right call to use my little word. And all week, ever since I said it, I've felt freedom. The freedom to say NO to good things can be as freeing, sometimes more so, than saying it to things that we know are bad for us. It feels like freedom and power and progress.

I can say no to good things if they are good things but bad timing. What about you? What was the last thing that you said "no" to and felt good about once it was done? Don't be afraid to use this tiny powerhouse. 

Make Your Own Time

Wouldn't it be amazing if we could create time for the things we enjoy? My own personal preference is reading, but it wouldn't have to be. For you, it might be doing something crafty, like painting or knitting or hand-lettering, like my friend Elizabeth. Or it could be getting outside to work in a garden, pulling weeds in your yard, taking a walk around the block, or hiking the nearest mountain trail. Maybe you'd love to get together with friends a little more often over coffee or lunch, or perhaps you've always wanted to go back to school to finish that degree you put off two decades ago. Any one of these things could easily be written off as something you don't have time for...but if you were honest with yourself, is that really true? 

Photo by Sonja Langford on Unsplash

This is the question I've been asking myself recently, as I've been taking a look at the things I accomplished over the past 12 months, and the things I let slide. It's been a busy year, filled with things I planned for, and things I didn't see coming. Much of my time has been taken up with caregiving, moving, counseling, teaching, and occasionally trying to have a conversation with the Hubs that's deeper than the "highlight reel" of the day. So yes, much time...but not all. 

Despite having my hands full with freelance work, homeschooling four kids, two aging parents who downsized this year, and launching the first adult child out into the world, I still had time to waste, and waste it I did...if I'm really being honest. 

For one thing, I finally gave in and opened an Instagram account this year. A few weeks ago I had this sense that I was spending a lot more time on there than I would like to admit to myself. So I put a timer on it, allowing a certain number of minutes a day that count down from midnight. I freely admit that I was shocked at the number, and how quickly the time frittered away. I originally gave myself 2 hours a day, thinking that would be way too much time. But after a couple of days of getting close to that mark, I moved it back to 90 minutes, and then 60 minutes. As is often the case, just making myself aware of it helped curb the temptation to click on the app, unless I had something I actually wanted to post. But it also got me thinking...we make time for so much in our busy days, but are we really making time for the best stuff? The stuff that feeds our hearts, souls, and minds. 

Case in point...prior to June, when I opened my account, I wasn't spending 120 minutes a day scrolling through a feed or watching silly little videos of guinea pigs and puppies. So what was I doing with those 2 hours of time in a day? Honestly? I was watching YouTubers live their lives on camera, documenting their travel plans or explaining minimalism. When school was done for the day, I would escape to our bedroom and sit down at the computer. After first scrolling through Facebook, I would turn to YouTube and lose myself (and an hour or more of my time) in the lives of other people and their quest for the perfect wedding dress, house, or airport lounge. The next thing I knew, I would look at the clock and realize it was 6 PM and I hadn't done anything for dinner. Two hours gone, and absolutely nothing to show for it. 

In years past I have tracked 70+ books a year on Goodreads. Hours of reading, learning, and losing myself in words on a page. This year, the number was significantly lower at just 22. I was surprised at the lower number and originally chalked it up to being low on time due to the craziness of the year. But when I started taking an honest inventory of how I was spending my time, I knew it was more than that. And I knew that my time was going where I told it to go...which just wasn't to the best of places. 

So...

• I haven't closed my Instagram account, but I've lowered my own time limit. 
• I haven't stopped watching some of my favorite YouTubers, but I have unsubscribed from several channels and accounts that no longer felt as important as the time I have been giving up to them and their notifications. 
• I haven't found a way to add more hours to the day, but I am finding better ways to use the time in my day. 

What Happened to The Twelve?

In January, after reading a post from Jules, I was inspired to set a goal of writing one blog post per month. This felt manageable, albeit a far cry from the days of writing five posts a week, back in the heyday of blogging. I did pretty well, through June, despite some major personal challenges in my immediate and extended family. But when my mother ended up in the hospital in July, while my father ended up with Covid at home, and my eldest child was freaking out about moving out on her own and starting college, the blog (and so many other plans) once again got set to the side for more important things. 

Through August 1st, I wrote a grand total of eight posts, and then something had to give. I shared post #9 last week, an ode to the purge of stuff that is currently sweeping our home (thanks in part to the major move I've been assisting my parents with all fall), and this makes #10. 

One year, twelve months, ten posts. It doesn't feel like much, and yet every time I managed to write something it felt like an accomplishment. Something for me. Something that used another part of my brain, that dug up another part of my old life. Something that fed a desire that is still deeply buried within. Something I don't want to fully give up just yet.

Sometimes when I'm in the middle of reading history with three of my kids or trying to wrap my head around a middle school math problem, I suddenly think of something I'd like to write about. I miss writing. But life must take precedence, and at this point as a homeschooling mom of four, it's more important to ensure that they know how to read and write than it is to get my creative juices flowing or attempt to build any kind of following again. 

And so in those moments when the inspiration for a post comes, I breathe a sigh and realize those days have passed. I will never be a famous blogger or an influencer, other than in my own little realm of influence. But in my 41st year of life, I find that I'm okay with those facts, in a way that I wasn't in my 20s. 

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

And so here we are, at the end of yet another year. Hoping to finish well, and looking ahead to the possibilities and unknowns of 2023. I've got a list of smaller, and hopefully achievable, goals going in the Keep list on my phone. From time to time I think of something else I'd like to add to the checklist of small wins, so I open the app and add it. 

Read a book, write twelve blog posts, lose 2 lbs. a month...these aren't big things, but in the grand scheme of my life at the moment, achieving them would feel huge. 

If 2022 (and 2021...and 2020...) and all of its chaotic curveballs have taught me anything it's this: In 2023 I'd like to learn how to celebrate, and be content with, small victories. 

The Twelve in 2022

It started when I saw a post from Jules at Pancakes & French Fries, about her goal of writing 12 blog posts this year. As soon as I read it I thought, "That's just one post a month. That's totally doable. I'm in." But what started as the number of posts I was willing to commit to writing in 2022, soon morphed into a monthly self-challenge plan, with various ideas coming in rapid succession. I don't know about you, but I need deadlines and bite-sized goals to motivate myself. 

Photo by Thor Alvis on Unsplash

WINTER 2022

January: Removing 12 items a day from our house in the Great Whole-House Purge of 2022. The twelve would not include trash, because I think that's cheating...I could throw away twelve items of junk mail in a day and call it good, but that wouldn't actually get me where I want to be! So we're talking actual removal of gently used/unused items (to a box, bag, or sack) for donation, with trips to our local Goodwill on the calendar once a week (look for updates throughout the month on the Facebook page). 

February: I will move $12 from our checking to our savings every day for a month. Two drinks at Starbucks is almost $12, depending on the size you get, so if I cut out Starbucks and various treats and unplanned stops in a month, that should be completely doable. 

March: I will dedicate 12 minutes each day to cleaning out and organizing our pantry and additional food storage area. Timer in hand, trash bags at the ready, I would love to think that I'll be done with this in a week, but I've seen my pantry. Photos and updates will be posted to the Facebook page, for accountability. 

SPRING/SUMMER 2022

April: The number of books I'll aim to read in one month. It seems like a lot, considering the hecticness of my life, between working freelance and homeschooling, plus running kids to their various activities, but since I set a higher reading goal for myself in 2021, and exceeded it, why not aim higher still? Follow me on Goodreads for regular updates on this.

May: 12 minutes a day, five days a week, spent on lesson planning for the 22/23 school year. I have struggled with staying on top of lesson planning this year, having tried something new (which didn't work), so I'd like to get a jump start on the next school year, even as this one winds up.

June/July/August: The number of pounds I'd like to shed, healthily, this summer. I'll give myself three months for this one. That means cutting back on my snacks and finding a way to get active again. The last two years have not been good to me, or my waistline, and the time has come (the time being me turning 40 and my pants no longer fitting). 

FALL 2022 - TBD

I've yet to decide what 12-themed things I might focus on for the remaining months of the year, but I'm okay with that because if the last two years have taught us anything, it's that we have no idea what the future holds. By this time in the year, we could all be rolling around in giant plastic bubbles, or building bunkers to survive WWIII, or fighting off the next superbug that's taking over the world. After all, as James 4:13-15 reminds us...

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”

If it's the Lord's will, I'll be back with my first post of the year next month. I hope to see you here, and in the meantime, I'd love to hear what your goal is for the first month of 2022 and/or for the entire year. 

Would you consider doing something like the 12-themed goals? If you're interested, I'd love the company and accountability on the journey. Join the conversation over on the Busy Nothings Facebook page, or chime in here in the comments. Are you ready?

Let's make 2022 the year that we "spur one another on" - to love, good deeds, and personal growth, 12 things at a time! 

My Simplified Why: Follow the Money

FROM THE ARCHIVES ➤➤➤ I originally wrote this post in January 2020 - before the whole world came to a screeching halt, and life as we knew it, stopped. However, as I've been attempting to blog a little more consistently this year, I decided to pull up some of the posts I had started and saved as drafts, and this is one of them. While similar to the post I shared last week, as I read through it, I was reminded of where we were a year ago, and I realized that I had, in fact, made some good financial changes over the past 12 months. For example, this year our savings accounts are much healthier than they were a year ago, and that's a good thing! But I also realized that some of my points made in this post were still valid, and good reminders of other ways I could cut corners and save, so I decided to post it anyway. Maybe you, like me, will find a little nugget to take away and dwell on and then do something with this year. May we all continue to grow and improve in 2021! 

In 2012, we paid off our house. In actual fact, we paid off the remaining 54% of our mortgage in just 7 months of 2012. It came down to focusing in on a big goal, saying "no" to a lot of other things, and a whole bunch of self discipline. And it felt great when we were all done.

Which is why when, earlier this month, I found myself stressing over looming bills and shrinking bank accounts, I was pulled up short when I realized I was right back to where I was in 2011. How did that happen? Well, I'll tell you: old habits and new kids.

Old habits like, "I don't really feel like cooking tonight," (which, even as I was typing that, reminded me that I needed to start the Crock-Pot for dinner) crept back in. Only this time there were seven of us, so Japanese takeout now costs $70, rather than $20. 🙅 The occasional stop for ice cream after a school event takes $30 when you're dishing up six bowls instead of two, and now that some of them are getting older, a stop at Starbucks is often a $15 splurge, rather than a $5 treat. It all adds up.

Although most of the time I'm pretty good about telling myself I don't need the new pair of pants or that cute sweater, it's harder when I'm out and see clothes on sale that would fit my kids. I mean, I'm saving money, right? They're so hard on clothes, and it's nice not to have to pay full-price for something when I have a stash downstairs that I got on clearance. But you know what's NOT a bargain? Hitting up so many sales that I forget what I have and when I finally dig it out...they've outgrown it. True story, I'm embarrassed to admit.

Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Unsplash

In 2018, I was becoming totally overwhelmed by the amount of stuff in our house. When it was just the two of us, I kept it fairly tidy, though we still had way too much, but once the kids came, I felt like I was swimming against the tide. Despite keeping Christmas to a minimum and refusing to throw extravagant birthday parties where all of their friends were invited and we were flooded with gifts, it was like a never ending stuff parade coming through the doors of our house. Even though I instigated regular purge sessions, piles continued to creep up on my desks, kitchen counters, and even on top of bedroom dressers.

Feeling thus overwhelmed, I signed up to take part in the Uncluttered course (nope, that's not an affiliate link) that minimalist Joshua Becker hosts several times a year. All participants receive a lifetime membership to participate in the course, and also maintain access to the private Facebook group. I can't say that the course itself was particularly life changing for me...but the private group has been a great source of ongoing encouragement. Seeing what others are doing, purging, changing, has been a reminder that I shouldn't give up. 

A couple of weeks ago, I noticed that people were beginning to share their "why" for continuing the clean out. One woman said that her why was becoming debt free, and as soon as I read it, I knew that I needed to get back on the bandwagon. While we're not in debt - outside of a mortgage (yes, we paid it off but, long story short, we once again have a small mortgage on our home) - we're also not exactly rolling in savings. Another woman shared that whenever she thought about buying something, she transferred that same amount into her savings account, which triggered a memory of a time when I was doing the same thing (see: paid off house in 2012). It's just one of many good habits that need to be pulled from the mothballs.

This year, my WHY for minimalizing and simplifying really comes down to the money. It's not just about making multiple trips to donate excess goods, but about stemming the tide coming in as well - not just because it's stuff, but because it represents resources that could be much better spent elsewhere. As I look ahead at current and upcoming expenses, I realize that the not-so-little $40 and $70 expenditures, even if it's "saving" me money, have really added up. It's time to remember that every time I'm saying "yes" to something with my money, I'm saying "no" to something else...something that's probably way more important.

My why for #minimalismsimplified in 2020 is about financial freedom. Or, as Becker put in on a post he shared last week, "Just because it's on sale, doesn't mean I need it." 😏  

The Social Dilemma (A Review)

During the fall, I noticed a little bit of chatter by some of my (virtual) co-workers about this Netflix documentary called, The Social Dilemma. I brushed it aside, as one, I didn't have Netflix, and two, it wasn't going to tell me anything I didn't already know after using and working in social media for over a decade. Then a couple of weeks ago, a friend updated her reading list on Goodreads and the title of what she was currently reading grabbed my attention: Ten Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media Accounts Right Now by Jaron Lanier. Intrigued, I sent her a text asking for a review of the book after she'd read it, and she told me that she was reading it after hearing it mentioned in The Social Dilemma. 

Being a typical INTJ, I decided to research this documentary, and ended up spending the next couple of days watching it (hey, I have five kids, meaning I don't usually have 1.5 hours of undisturbed time available, so everything takes longer). I work online, I've had Facebook since 2007, I've used Pinterest since 2011, I've been on Twitter since 2012, and I have a 16 year old daughter who is glued to her phone. I thought I knew it all...but as it turns out...I just had a rough idea.   

{Image Credit Robin Worrall via Unspash}

First things first...I don't have Netflix, so I did a quick internet search and found a site online where I could watch it. Honestly...this should be readily available for everyone to watch, but that would require putting it on YouTube, and...well, if you watch the documentary, you'll realize why that will never happen. But I digress. The point is, even if you don't have Netflix, you can find a way to see it. And you should. 

The list of people featured in this film reads like a who's who of the social media world, including former social media CEOs, design managers, software engineers, design consultants, early employees of the top social media sites, the creator of the Facebook "like" button, and more. In other words, they know what they're talking about when they begin to share insights into how the framework of social media was designed to manipulate you and use your data as a product for others to buy. It sounds like a crazy conspiracy theory when stated in that way, but after an hour and a half of this, I was ready to close everything, including my Google-hosted blog. But I haven't...yet.

I really enjoyed the fact that it was both documentary and film (fun fact: one of the main characters of the film portion is played by Skyler Gisondo, who played Young Shawn in later seasons of Psych). I appreciated how the side story clearly demonstrated what the experts were saying, and could very well play out in real life. In fact, as I watched the film portion, and considered what was being said in the documentary, all I could think about was role social media played in the 2020 BLM/white extremist clashes and ensuing riots, the fiasco masquerading as a presidential election, and even the spread of Coronavirus information (and misinformation). I didn't have to be convinced that this was taking place, but the confirmation of it by so many who genuinely knew what they were talking about was, indeed, sobering.

To sum up: Social media is the seller. Various causes, parties, nations, and officials are the buyer. And we, ladies and gentlemen, are the product being offered up to the highest bidder. One of the quotes/ideas from the film that stuck out to me the most went something like this...

If you think that everyone thinks like you, then social media has done its job, because they have tuned the buttons, based on your likes, clicks, searches, and purchases, until you are convinced that you are absolutely in the right, and everyone else is either insane or stupid for not seeing the truth.

Gone are the days when rational discourse and actual facts won the day. Gone, too, are the days of innocently clicking around the internet or liking a page on Facebook and thinking if you make your likes private, no one will know. If you click on a YouTube video suggestion, pay attention to the fact that you suddenly start to see suggestions for similar videos, usually leading farther and farther one direction or the other. When a former Google software engineer says he will no longer use Google as a search engine and recommends European-based Qwant, you might consider listening. 

George Orwell's 1984 is upon us, in more ways than one, and while it's never time to panic, I do believe it's time to get our heads out of the sand. While any information shared and any time spent online will always put you at risk, gaining a better understanding of what it is we're facing and the beasts we're dealing with gives us one leg up in the game, and not voluntarily playing it...well, that's always a viable option as well. 

Have you seen The Social Dilemma? 

↓

What did YOU think?

Upside Down or Right Side Up?

Back when we were still in the paperwork portion of adopting our five, I was freaking out about all the changes that would be coming our way. One morning, after a particularly stress-filled week (or what I thought was stress at the time - HA!), as the Hubs was about to walk out the door, I remember looking at him and moaning, "I like my life the way it is, and they're going to turn our lives upside down!" At which point, as my patient better half grabbed his lunch box and prepared to head out the door, he stopped, looked at me, and quietly said, "Have you ever considered that God might be turning our lives right side up, instead?" 

Photo by Dawid Zawiła on Unsplash

Bottom line: it's all in how you look at it. 

Much like a sweater that this same sweet man got me off my Amazon Wish List this past Christmas. It was a last minute add, and I really didn't think he'd buy it, but when I opened it up on Christmas day I was pretty excited that he had, as I was feeling a bit under the weather and the sweater was a lot like wearing a blanket. In fact, when my parents dropped by a few days later, my dad (who was an Army flight surgeon in Vietnam) kindly informed me it looked like I was wearing an Army blanket. Fortunately, since wearing a blanket was exactly the look I was going for, that didn't bother me, nor stop me from sporting it on a regular basis. I liked it so much I even decided to add a couple more colors to my Wish List for 2021. Which is when I discovered that I'd been wearing the sweater upside down the whole time. 

In my defense, it must have been a common error, because Amazon had photos on their sales page for it, showing the "Right Way" and the "Wrong Way" to wear the sweater. The cute, envelope-like folds at the top of my sweater were, in actuality, supposed to be at the bottom of the sweater, and the section I assumed was the collar, was intended to end just over my derriere. Realizing my mistake, I removed the sweater, turned it around, put it on...and hated it. The part I formerly assumed was a collar drew undue attention to my backside, and I missed the little flaps at the top, so back around it went. Because sometimes, as Bob Ross used to say, it's a happy little accident. 

As I was thinking about this sweater and discovering my happy little accident, the U.S. Capital was in turmoil. My connections on Facebook were evenly divided between the Union and the Confederacy 🙈 the those who, four years ago, thought the world was ending and were now calling out the "rich, entitled, whites," and the ones crying foul, declaring conspiracies, and closing their Facebook accounts. Both sides egged on by the media, I might add. I unfollowed a few people, just for my own sanity, and then decided to turn my focus on the One who ultimately wins. Because my hope isn't in a political party or a President, but rather in King Jesus. Whatever happens in the next 4 weeks or 4 years or 40 years, I know I will find peace nowhere outside of Him. And neither will my friends on either side of the political spectrum. 

And since I happened to be wearing my upside down sweater, I was reminded of how many times things that seem like the end of the world as we know it—whether upending a comfortable life by adopting five kids, or trusting that God is still in control when your candidate didn't win—aren't, in fact, actually the end of the world. And looking back on the last four and a half years with the kids that were going to turn my world "upside down," but who actually turned things right side up, just as the Hubs suggested all those years ago, I find myself wondering, yet again, if this apparent tearing apart of our country, the line being drawn in the sand is, in fact, another right side up moment.

I guess it's all in how you look at it.   

Chaotic Peace

It's been a long, busy week. I'm a mentally and physically drained introvert. I've got a long list of work-related items to knock out today, not to mention a full kitchen sink, messy counters, and the pile of Christmas lights that are still sitting on our bedroom floor because I just haven't managed to get them downstairs into their storage box. This is life. 

Life is messy, it's busy, it's filled with crazy chaos at times. While standing at the free (because our local martial arts studio loves parents!) coffee center at taekwondo last night, waiting to get a small cup of bean juice, I stepped out of character and started talking with the other mother who was getting coffee ahead of me. We laughed about the fact that we wake up in the mornings and our first thought is "how long until bedtime?" Every day this week has been hijacked by appointments (planned and unplanned), errands, and life. I am firmly convinced that God created coffee beans for parents. Step aside perky teenagers and college students...Mama needs her coffee! 

This morning over on Facebook, I've been staring at the blinking cursor after the words "January 18: #iamthankful..." for far too long, my mind drawing a blank. Sometimes it's hard to focus on gratitude in the middle of life...which is exactly why I practice the habit of intentional daily gratitude. One of our girls has put down, "thankful for the chips you packed in my lunch" every day this week for one of her 'thankful for' items. And while I want her to start thinking BEYOND food for her gratitude list, this week I have had to chuckle because sometimes the "bag of chips" is all you can think of -- and you truly are thankful for them!

On Wednesday morning, I was picking out bananas at the grocery store and looked up to see my childhood friend who tragically lost her husband one year ago (and gave birth to their son just hours before the funeral). She was picking out flowers and a balloon to place on his grave. I have watched her over the last year as she has worked through the grief of widowhood and the joy of being a new mom, sharing both the sense of loss and the wonder of new life through her Facebook posts and her blog. Seeing her in the store on the one year anniversary of her husband's death was a stark reminder to me not to take any of these crazy days for granted.

Last night, during all of our running around in the car, I told the kids that I was going to play the audio Bible that I'd been listening to. Although it was for me (and my sanity) and not specifically for them, as the narrator began to read out of 2 Thessalonians and then 1 Timothy, the car became calm and peaceful. As the last words of Paul to Timothy ebbed away, I heard my 7 year old son say quietly - from his seat in the very back of the car - "That was good." Yes, God's Words are always good. They are edifying and thought-provoking. They remind me that this life (and the chaos that often comes with it) are just temporary, and we are to make the most of every opportunity that we are given. Life is a vapor...live it for the Glory of God. And in everything, give thanks.    

Keep It #Simple - A Blog Renewal

Everyone who works in social media knows that it's difficult to get traction on Facebook pages these days without paying for ads. And anyone who knows me (IRL or through the blog) knows that my Scotch-Irish heritage makes me too cheap to ever pay Facebook to push my post. So, naturally, this puts me at an impasse with the social media giant.

However, I keep using my Busy Nothings page because I've never been good at doing short blog posts. I'm too wordy, wanting to get it just right, while Facebook offers a faster way to do shorter posts, add an image, and get people to see it. For example, yesterday I did a quick post about this necklace that once belonged to my grandmother. For some reason it struck the elusive sweet spot and people started liking, sharing, and commenting. In less than 24-hours my post had almost 2,900 views. Do you know how many views my last blog post had? 58. {crickets} While the blog is an echo chamber, Facebook is a community. Lesson: No one wants to click twice.

Short and sweet, with the right content. This is the sweet spot that I dream of hitting more often, not just on Facebook, but here on the blog as well. With five kids to feed, clothe, and shuttle around, plus my work as a freelance writer and editor, my aspirations of writing a book, and my personal goal of still managing to read 50 books this year, my time is spread thin. "Like butter scraped over too much bread," as Bilbo Baggins said. If I want to continue blogging (and I do) then I need to learn how to keep it simple. Don't use 50 words when 6 will do (for example, Seth Godin).

So today is the beginning of a new writing plan, something that fits in with my ongoing desire for simplified minimalism in everything - from my kitchen pantry to my blog. Keep it simple. Life is already full of busy nothings, so perhaps it's time for me to add something a little more substantial to the mix. I've been blogging for 10 years, and it's time to figure out exactly what I want to say. Will you come along to see what changes? I hope so. But if not... I'll see you on Facebook.

What's On My Nightstand (Recommended Beach Reading)

Let's just make this quite clear: I love Goodreads giveaways. I'm always signing up for them and rarely win, but when I do... well, make room for the Bookworm Happy Dance!! Back in April I won a copy of The Lost Vintage: A Novel by Ann Mah (author of Mastering the Art of French Eating - which I loved), and the {Happy Dance} that went down was intense.

This was a book that I really wanted to read when I first heard about it in her monthly e-newsletter (see, I'm actually a fan because I never sign up for newsletters!). Although I tend to prefer non-fiction to novels, I was willing to overlook that fact because I enjoyed Ann's other autobiographical works, and because it was set in France (which, you may or may not have noticed, but I have a "thing" for). I'm happy to report that The Lost Vintage did not disappoint.

The book takes place in two historical points of time - WWII and present day, and covers the lives of two characters - Hélène and Kate, who become forever entwined through the story of Hélène's life that Kate slowly uncovers while cleaning out the basement of a family farmhouse in the French countryside. 

Kate has a complicated history with her family and France, which includes a vineyard farmer-turned-ex-fiance, and an uncle that everyone is a little afraid of. Just after college, Kate and her friend, Heather, find themselves with a summer to kill in France and hearts that are ready for romance. While Heather ends up marrying Kate's French cousin, Nico, and raising a family in France, Kate gets cold feet about marrying Jean-Luc and returns to the United States to pursue a career as a wine expert. 

When she finally returns to France several years later, her world is rocked by the revelation of a deep family secret that dates back to the darkest days of WWII France, and involves a hidden wine cellar, a Nazi collaboration, and a betrayal that is still affecting the family some 70+ years later. I don't want to give too much away, but suffice to say, despite it's status as "fiction", I was compelled to do some light research about the shaming of women in post-war France and was appalled by what I found. This fictional story and character are based on actual events, and were told in such a realistic way that I kept needing to remind myself that this particular story was made up. Mah did an excellent job of painting an accurate picture of the time, and portraying the lives and lies of Hélène and her step-mother. 

Beyond the historical segments of the story, the present-day issues of family feuds, unrequited love, and the almost-impossible Master of Wine examination are entertaining and fuel the remainder of the book. I could have done without the love scenes (though, for a fictional, secular book, I suppose they were tastefully done, without a lot of graphic detail), but I wanted to mention that as a side note for those who may not be interested in a book with premarital relations. 

There were times when I had to put this book down and read something else, but I think that's a tribute to the author as her story drew me in so much that it became too intense to see what else Hélène had to endure. I needed a break from the historical segments, in order to process what was going on. I believe this is due to the fact that Mah did her research on Nazi collaboration during the occupation of France, and the aftermath, and masterfully wove that truth into her fictional characters. 

***SPOILER*** Happy endings abound and Hélène's story isn't as sad as one might suppose. Which I like. It's fiction, I don't want to be bummed at the last page.

The Lost Vintage: A Novel was released to the world this week, and if you enjoy historical fiction, are a secret Francophile, or enjoy a nice glass of vino, then I would say you would find this book to be a highly enjoyable beach read. I'd give it 4 stars out of 5... as long as those previously mentioned topics are of interest to you.

Special thanks to Goodreads and William Marrow Publishers for my Advanced Reader's Edition!

The "Be Yourself" Giveaway!

1/25 UPDATE: Congratulations Maya! You have won this super cool bookmark reminder to #BeYourself! Contact me through Facebook to discuss shipping details. Thanks to all who entered! If you didn't win this time, never fear! This will not be the last giveaway of 2018...

When one of the kids starts trying to imitate one of their siblings, I have gotten into the habit of sharing this quote with them...

The point that I try to make with them is that God created us with unique gifts and talents, with different tastes in clothing, food, and music, with individual desires and dreams - stop trying to be someone else! I tell our kids, "God already has a [first/last name], and He doesn't need another one. He needs a [first/last name] and that's why He made you. Be who God created you to be!" 

I don't think that our kids are the only ones who need to hear that reminder. I see this same tendency in my fellow bloggers who try to imitate the popular bloggers instead of finding their own groove (I've been guilty of that).

I see it in moms who spend too much time on Pinterest, trying to plan the perfect party for their 3 year old so they can match all the other pre-school moms who go above and beyond (look, you have one child, I have five - I'm not competing).

I see it in women who are constantly comparing their bodies to others who have better metabolisms (and probably actually know how many calories are in a White Chocolate Mocha at Starbucks). 

I see it in me - when I look around and see people who have successfully marketed themselves into book deals and developed an online following without even trying (or trying very hard), and I wonder why I can't seem to find that special something. 

But you know what? I might not have a book deal, and I might not have a huge following, but when God made me with all of my unique quirks - my stubbornness, my INTJ traits, my love of reading, my infatuation with Paris, my ability to do introspection, my desire to be a missionary, my gift of discernment - He did it with the knowledge that He was going to ask me to take on the role of mom and mentor to five kids. He knew what they needed (the Hubs and me, apparently), and He knew what I needed (a daily reminder that I wasn't a lone reed or in control).

In 2018, I want to encourage you to join me in embracing who God made us to be. When you are tempted to compare (jobs, husbands, kids, dress size, follower count, cooking ability), STOP. Put it on repeat in your head:

Be YOURSELF. Everyone else is already taken. 

And to make it a little easier to remember, I'd like to offer one reader the opportunity to win this bookmark (what else would you expect from a bookworm?) that you can place in your Bible or in whatever book you're reading at the moment, or slap a magnet to it and stick it on your fridge.

TO ENTER: leave a comment on this blog post (if you have a problem posting, leave your comment on the Facebook post about this), and tell me what makes you stand out from everyone around you. And since it's a small item, international entries are welcome! Giveaway Ends: 1/22/18

Maybe It's NOT Writer's Block

When I started this blog in 2009, I did so because I had a plethora of time on my hands. Newly returned to the United States after four years living in various locations around the globe, I was desperately trying to figure out how to fill my days. I'm sure the Hubs would have voted for clean clothes and a tidy kitchen - but those things are so overrated...

We were still using dial-up to access the internet, but as I slowly surfed around I came upon a couple of blogs that I began visiting on a daily basis. Although I had briefly attempted writing a blog while we were overseas, the internet was so sporadic and slow (making our U.S. dial-up option seem fast, which should tell you something), I gave up on it after just a few posts. Plus, I didn't know what to say. How does one make a regular day sound exciting and humorous?

"This morning we got picked up by the work carpool van and managed to avoid hitting the goat in the road. Even though I'm wearing 18 layers of clothing, I never seem to be able to get warm - I suppose that could have something to do with the giant metal hangar where I spend my days without heat. After work we had to cook dinner over our coal fireplace because the electricity went out AGAIN, which made our electric stove, microwave, and hot water pot completely useless. We bundled up and went to bed, hoping that the water wouldn't be frozen in the morning, even though the pipes are installed on the outside wall of the house rather than the inside."

The point is, on days like the one described above, we were usually just trying to make it through without snapping at each other and that really didn't have a lot of reader appeal.

But when we came home and I had a nice warm house and oodles of time to kill, I decided that I might as well join the blogging world again - and who knew? Maybe I would be discovered and become a big time blogger with book deals and lots of cash! Spoiler alert: neither of those things happened. But I kept writing anyway.

In fact, I wrote five posts a week, Monday through Friday, faithfully for about 4 or 5 years, until the job that I had by that point took up more of my time and, you know, actually paid me for writing. I kept the blog URL, I kept the Facebook page, but I wrote less and less often as life got busier. Plus, let's be honest, the blogging market became glutted with options for reading, and when you realize that you're NOT the next big thing and your audience consists primarily of people you know, it kind of kills the motivation for writing. At least, it did for me.

Plus, God started taking us on this crazy adoption journey and, for the first time ever, it felt too personal to write about. You want to know about how dirty my house is or how many dishes are in my sink or why I love books? Welcome in! I'll even show you my closet, and model outfits that no one else wants to wear (who was I kidding when I jumped on that craze?!), but to open up my inside life, to share about the battle that had been raging between choosing to obey God and choosing easy, that was not something I was willing do. And when you have this big, massive thing going on in your life that you know is going to completely change everything about you... but you can't write about it? Well, let's just say it killed the buzz for wanting to write about anything else.

After we finally made our announcement to the world back in January 2016, I started a new blog and began chronically our journey there. I shared ups and downs and it felt authentic and real - though I still had to be careful of the details that I shared because nothing is private on the internet, and we didn't want anything to jeopardize the adoption (well, that's not entirely true - right down to the moment when we were in country to pick up the kids and we thought the adoption might fall through, we were still holding on to this weak string of, "Maybe God really did just want to teach us to trust Him and now He's going to reward us and send us to Paris." Ugly but true fact... and a topic for another day, another blog, but off topic right now.)

However, even that blog slowly faded (despite a larger following than this blog ever had!) because once we were neck-deep in the bog of parent-life (especially when we were wading through the mire of not being sure that the adoption was even going to happen), I once again felt that we had reached the point where it was too personal to share. Close friends and family members knew what was going on, and I used Facebook to selectively share items for prayer, but the blog was too much. I had writer's block because there was too much to say, too much to share, not because I didn't have anything interesting to add to the world. I was overwhelmed with a wealth of information, but underwhelmed by a desire to write about it.

Last year I attempted a few blog posts, both here and on the adoption site, but we were still so far in over our heads and trying to cling to our 2017 Word of the Year (SURVIVE), that blogging was the last thing on my to do list each day. However, about half-way through the year the kids made some significant personal decisions that dramatically changed the dynamic of our household, and as God led us towards, through, and past the one year anniversary of the adoption, life began to feel more manageable. I started taking on work again this past summer, and the kids now know that when Mom says she has to go work in her bedroom, they need to find ways to occupy themselves - and they do!

During the Christmas holidays I started to consider the idea of resurrecting this old blog of mine, but with a more realistic view, like 1 or 2 posts a week, and offering space for others to guest post if they were so inclined. We're the second week into 2018 and I'm on my third post - so far so good!

However, I find myself coming up against a familiar block - how much is too much to share? Even the most mundane posts are giving me pause because our daily life no longer just affects the Hubs and me - it affects 5 other people, one of whom is in Middle School and has friends on Facebook (even though she isn't on Facebook) and knows when I post family photos or tell stories. While I'm all about a little embarrassment, I do want to be sensitive to what I share and write about because it's no long all my story to tell.

So here I am. Post number 3. I don't know what post #4 will contain. I don't know if I'll still be writing in June or if God will have set my sights on something else. But for now I'm here, trying to get back into my writing groove, open to whatever He wants me to share - the good and the bad, the sorrowful and the downright hilarious. Have laptop, will write. 

To God Be The Glory.   

Finding a New Rhythm

Hello there, friends. From my calendar reckoning, I wrote my last post on this site just 6 days before starting out on the adventure of a lifetime last September. A lot has happened, so pull up a cup of your favorite beverage (perhaps stored in the cup holder of a booster seat, like mine was this past weekend - hey, necessity is the mother of invention, right?), and let's catch up!

In 2012, God started prodding the Hubs and I towards adoption. And like everything else God has ever asked us to do, it was go big or go home - and we went big! In November 2016, the adoption of 5 biologically-related siblings from Costa Rica was finalized, and after spending two months in the Central American country, we boarded an airplane in the middle of a hurricane on Thanksgiving day and flew home. It wasn't the end to months and years of planning for, fighting against, praying about, and finally submitting to the will of God, it was just the beginning.

We just completed our first 6-month report for the adoption agency, and life is starting to find it's own rhythm. It's not always in tune, and it often leaves us feeling a bit queasy, but it's where God has taken us, and after years of praying that God would allow us to make an eternal impact, the final calling leaves us exhausted, but thankful... most days.

While LIFE was happening, things like work, this blog, and a thing I remember calling, "free time" all went by the wayside. As we are slowly finding our footing as parents of five, we are also learning how to squeeze in time to do the things that we want and need to do - work on the cars, get caught up on laundry, sneak in a movie, write the occasional blog post. People keep telling me that I need to write a book about our adoption adventure - and maybe I will, when we're 20 years out and can see light at the end of the tunnel. For now, I'm hoping to kick start the blogging work again and see where it takes me.

When I'm not busy learning how to be a mom (and taxi driver) to five ESL kids, I'm still dreaming of Paris, sneaking in trips through the Starbuck's drive-thru, and adding books to my nightstand for nights when I can keep my eyes open long enough to read a page or two. I'm also still soft-selling my work as a writer and editor (you can find that side of my life at my professional site), taking the occasional freelance job to help out with the myriad of expenses that pop up these days.

So that's where the rhythm has left me for the moment - wanting to make time for one piece of my former, child-free self, to be able to share my "busy nothings" and offer encouragement to those who might still be hanging around this cobwebbed old blog. If you're here, feel free to say hello. It's been a while...

Until next time,
Carrie

What's Your Excuse?

This week my sweet husband said two words to me that you might not expect out of him...

You're pathetic.

Now, before you get your knickers in a knot and leave comments about how no man should ever say that to his wife, and no self-respecting woman should ever take that from a man, let me be very clear: he was totally correct. 

In context, we were discussing a fundraiser that we're trying to plan for our adoption. And by "trying" I mean that we've talked about it a lot. And by "planning," I mean avoiding doing anything other than emailing a couple of people. 

There are a lot of positives to being married to someone of the same personality type. You get each other's humor, you understand their weak spots, and you're a solid team against the world. However, it also means that those aforementioned weak spots are your collective kryptonite. 

You'll be happy to know he didn't stop there. He paused before saying...

We both are.

In this instance, he was referring to our combined hatred of talking to people on the phone. Emails? Yes. Texting? A gift of the technology gods to introverts everywhere! But phone calls? Oh, please... anything but that! I've been putting off a phone call (to someone I know!) for months, and then a second phone call for several weeks to someone I don't. There's always an excuse. 

I was so swamped at work today. I meant to call him/her, but then I totally forgot until it was too late. I have it on my "to do" list. It's really tacky to call over the weekend, I'll wait until Monday. It was the next thing on my list and then [insert name] dropped by and ended up staying for 2 hours. {Or when there is time and no good excuse...} Did you see that I organized the pantry?

Here's the deal: in my head, I know that I have built up something I hate doing (talking on the phone) into a Goliath that it does not deserve to be. And truth be told, the calls take about 5 minutes, the information is gathered, and then it's all over. The "stone" of just doing it could absolutely take down the Goliath of dreading it.

How often is this the case? Yesterday, Phil Gerbyshack shared an image on his social media channels that perfectly captured this tendency, with the quote, "Stop saying it won't work. Start asking how you can make it work." As soon as I read it, it clicked.

There are several things in my life at the moment that I am guilty of shoving into the "it won't work" category. I am the queen of excuses when it comes to those things - always ready with a, "yes, well..." answer when the Hubs (or anyone else) asks me if I've followed through on something. If I took Phil's advice, I wonder what all I could accomplish - and what my life might look like in a year - if instead of making excuses, I started asking, "How can I can make it work?"

Now, if you'll excuse me... I have a phone call to take care of.

6 Ways NOT to Market Your Book (or Product or Service)

For the last four years I've had a front row seat to the book marketing process. I've seen best practices in action, I've launched books, I've discovered what works - and what doesn't, and I've learned a ton about the industry. With all of that on-the-ground experience, you'd think I'd be a master promoter when it comes to my own self-published book... but you'd be wrong. Why? I'm an introvert. 

Of course I think our children's book is wonderful! I love the story and the illustrations, and I love that there's a life lesson tied in. I love that we included our real-life postman in the plot, and that the proceeds from the book go to support our adoption of 5 siblings from Costa Rica. There's so much good I could say about this book, but I don't - because I am self-conscious about self-promotion.

While I'm still figuring out this whole "promote your own book" deal, I have a few (hard earned) tips on how NOT to market yourself. These are things that turn me off, both as a promoter, and also as a potential customer. They are things I've been personally guilty of (hey, I'm a work in progress!), and things I've observed from my work online. They also apply to the sale and promotion of things other than books (we all have friends selling stuff, right?). So here we go...

6 Ways NOT to Market Your Book (or Product or Service)

1. Turn your personal Facebook account into a one-way, self-promoting megaphone. Despite what you might think, your friends do not love this. They will hide you from their feeds, and no matter what their initial reaction to your news, they will not be following everything you say with baited breath. They might even unfollow you. Take it easy.  
2. Personally reach out to every contact you have on LinkedIn to tell them about your book. Let's be honest - some of your contacts there are friends of friends, so they don't even know you, nor do they care about the book you just self-published or the product you think they need. Don't take advantage of those business connections - that will come back to bite you. 
3. Casually mention your book (product/service) as soon as you meet someone. You've met these people, the ones who either have "author of the most amazing book you'll ever read" in their email signature, or the ones who somehow manage to squeeze in, "Nice to meet you. You work at a hospital? I included a hospital scene in the book I wrote." Don't be that person. (One of my favorite comics, Brian Regan, calls them the "Me Monster.")
4. Ask people to leave you 5 star reviews. I know this might come as a shock, but your book (or my book!) may not actually be worth 5 stars. I've seen it from all sides. As a promoter, those 3 star reviews make me cringe; as an author, I'd be sad to see anything less than a 5 star review; but as a reader - I rarely leave 5 stars (a fact I've gotten into trouble for in the past). Strive to do your best work, but accept the fact that you won't be 5 stars to all people, and move on.
5. Fail to acknowledge those who support you in the journey. Let's say that you ignore everything I've just said, and you manage to get people to promote your book or talk about your product, utilizing their social channels on your behalf. Don't be the person who thinks you deserve to be talked about - acknowledge that people went out of their way for you. A bit of public gratitude can go a long way... and possibly get them to share again. Win-win.
6. Expect people to buy your book. This was the hardest one for me to grasp. When my husband and I published our children's book in 2010, I thought I had kept my expectations low, but in the end I was still disappointed in the response - or lack thereof. Friends didn't rush out to buy it; those who had a platform to talk about it, didn't; those who told us they loved it, didn't review it. But you know what? Friends are in no way required to buy, like, read, review, or promote your book. If they do, it's a bonus, but it's not their job to make you successful.

*  *  *  *  *

Bottom Line: 

There's a balance between letting your world know about your product and coming across as a self-promotion, "me monster" machine. 

Proceed with caution.

Savoring the Moment

Two years ago we were seated in a posh restaurant, preparing to enjoy the most exquisite dessert - some kind of chocolate ball that the waiter poured hot fudge sauce over, melting the top to reveal the raspberry cream within... amazing, to say the least.

As the man placed the plate in front of me, he paused with the hot sauce poised over the top of it as my two dining companions and I stared at him. One second, two seconds, three seconds (this was starting to get awkward, what was he waiting for?)... until finally he asked, "Do you not want to take a photo of the dessert before I pour?" Taking a moment to process what he'd said, I blurted out, "No... I just want to eat it!" The waiter instantly changed from a pre-programmed robot to a human being who said,

"You have no idea how refreshing it is to hear someone say that! Everyone wants a photo of the food before and after, instead of just savoring the moment."

There have definitely been meals when I have taken a photo because I want more than a memory to remember the end result - an anniversary dinner, a special meal in a foreign locale, the triumphant success of an unsure cook. This last fall, it was a loaf of pumpkin bread that I made in a specialty bread pan that actually popped out perfectly - a moment I was (and still am) insanely proud of! 

But there have also been times when my (smarter and less tolerant of social sharing) husband has looked at me and said, "put the camera down and eat the food while it's hot!" In other words: savor the moment. 

Do you remember life before social media took over? Life before selfies and instagram and in the moment sharing? When you decorated a room in your house and no one knew (if you've read this blog, or followed my Facebook page, you know I'm not pointing fingers!)? Or, better still, when our thoughts - religious, political, or random - could only be shared over dinner with the family, sparking give and take conversation and debate, not angry retorts posted in the heat of the moment? 

Social sharing isn't all bad. My grandmothers lived a thousand miles from us, so my childhood was captured on film, printed out, and delivered by the United States Postal Service once or twice a year to show how I'd grown. Today, my friends around the world can instantly update long-distance family with photos and videos of their child's latest and greatest achievement. Hooray for technology (and the ability to unfollow those updates on Facebook)!

But sometimes, I don't want to know it all. Sometimes it's nice to be in the dark until you can catch up face to face - asking questions and engaging with each other. Last week, we received a birth announcement in the mail from a friend who I didn't even know was pregnant. What a lovely surprise! She hadn't documented her ever-growing belly on a weekly basis, or plastered her cravings or labor progress on social. All that I got was the unexpected (good) news, and like the waiter, I found it refreshing.

Even if you don't share it with the world, savor the moments.

#AnsweringJihad: It Begins with Love

If I am totally honest with myself, as an American, it's easy for me to get swept up by the anti-Muslim sentiments that fill up my social news feeds after events like Boston or Paris or San Bernardino. But when I am close to being swept up in the rush of closed doors, personal arsenals, and anger, I work hard to remember that before I am an American, I am a Christian.

I know that Christ does not desire that any should perish, and I know that I am not given any wiggle room to hate anyone or desire their demise when they act out of their natural sin nature. But what should my response be in this turbulent world? How do I, and my brothers and sisters in Christ, show love to those who may turn one day and attack us? It's a balancing act, but when it comes to finding a Christ-centered answer to the issue of Jihad, former Muslim Nabeel Qureshi has done a fantastic job of giving us a starting point in his new book, Answering Jihad.

I was honored to be selected as a membert of the launch team for ‪#‎AnsweringJihad‬ (follow the hashtag on Twitter for more great links and reviews this week!), and excited to have the opportunity to read an early review copy of this thought-provoking book. The answer really comes down to this: Christ sent us out as ambassadors, to be light to the lost, and to do so with love and without fear.

"If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them." ~ Luke 6:32

"If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing." ~ 1 Corinthians 13:2

"For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." ~ Philippians 1:21

This short book (just 173 pages - including appendixes and a sneak peek at his next book) gives someone like me (I don't debate or work in academia for a living) a simplified explanation of Islamic terminology and ideas that we hear and see thrown around in the news and online.

Qureshi does an excellent job of providing a clear explanation of the differences between Islam and Christianity. He doesn't shy away from hot button issues like the Crusades vs. Jihad, and Old Testament warfare vs. Muhammad's fighting - the latter addressing (and answering) questions that I have struggled with in my own study of the Old Testament.

I was impressed by Qureshi's efforts to keep his own feelings in check, presenting the facts in a clear, succinct way, and providing outside resource options if the reader wanted to know more or go deeper. I especially appreciated his openness in sharing that his Christian faith - and his own Muslim family members - would influence his perspective, and his clear delineation of his personal opinions vs. Gospel truth. There is a bias - openly admitted - but he leaves room for the reader to draw their own conclusions based on the simplified facts that he lays out in the book.

Answering Jihad was good - definitely worth reading - but it was Qureshi's thoughts in his concluding chapter that really hit home for me.

"We have to be walking with them before they arrive at the crossroads. This means being proactive, not reactive. It means living life with people who might be different from us. It means integrating communities and social circles. It means stepping out of our comfort zone and loving people unconditionally, perhaps even loving our enemies. And it means doing all this from a place of genuine love, not ulterior motives. [...] Fear is not a solution, as it will only alienate those we hope to deter from violence and it will serve as positive reinforcement to those who want to use terror. [...] We need something that breaks the cycle, and I think that can only be love. Not love as wistfully envisioned by teenagers and songwriters, but love as envisioned by Jesus, a decision to engage others as image bearers of God, to put their needs and concerns above our own, even at the cost of our own. [...] Without truth we will not be able to identify the real problem, and without love we will not be able to formulate an enduring answer. Regarding the latter, I think the first-century theologian Saul [Paul] was correct: even if we can fathom all mysteries and have all knowledge, it will not ultimately work without love."

Bottom Line: To answer jihad, Christians must live out the love of Christ. Not easy, but all things are possible with God. Start with this book, be in continual prayer for wisdom, love, and opportunities to show it (to anyone around you - not just Muslims), and devote yourself to studying God's word so that when the time comes, you will be ready to give an answer for the Hope that you have.