Small Victories

In years past, I have set goals. I have picked words. I have started strong. And I have fallen off the wagon somewhere around March or April. And it is for this very reason that this year, I'm focusing more on the small victories. The things that sound small on paper or in a blog post, but I know would actually make my daily life better. It's not about running the marathon, it's about taking the first step.

Photo by Max van den Oetelaar on Unsplash

And so here I am, working on blog post #13 of 2022. I aimed for twelve this year, and at the beginning of the month, I had only written eight. But then I decided I needed to work on making the time I had work for me. I needed to fight the urge to kill time after a long day and instead use it to pour into something I used to really enjoy doing...writing. And suddenly, using the same amount of time I had before, I have written five blog posts, found images, and hit "publish," bringing life back to a part of me that has been dormant. It's a small victory. 

And what about those other small victories? Well, here's a quick list of what I'm aiming for in 2023:

• Lose 2 lbs. a month
• Read 1 book a month (for fun)
• Write 1 blog post a month
• Walk a minimum of 3 days a week
• Use up the tea stash (I *might* have a tea collection problem)
• Clean various areas of the house once a month
• Try "No Spend" weeks
• Instead of hitting "buy now" from Amazon, put the same amount in savings daily/weekly

Surviving the Flood

When my phone rang at 11:45 PM on December 31st, I knew it wasn't a good sign before I ever answered it. Twenty twenty-two came in with a bang, and it often feels like it's taken up the challenge of 2020 and upped the ante. 

Photo by Yannis Papanastasopoulos on Unsplash

In February I found myself nursing a bruised tailbone after taking a tumble while proving to my kids that at 40 I could still rollerskate (I earned both street cred and the right to take ibuprofen like they were candy for a while). While worth it to receive their unchecked admiration, my coccyx did not rebound like it did when I was eight.

When I rolled over in our Florida hotel room bed a little over a week ago in the wee hours of the morning and saw multiple missed calls and then started reading the text messages, my heart sank as I realized we were not only right back where we had been on December 31st, but in for a much bigger ride this time. Poking the Hubs and waking the kids in the middle of the night was just the start of the next 18+ hours of driving, praying, and wishing I could wake up and it would all be a really bad dream. 

When my phone rang again a week ago, just a couple of days after our rude awakening in Florida, I knew as soon as I heard my mother's voice that things were not good. And not good turned into a fall resulting in a fractured femoral neck (connecting to the hip), buying walkers, dealing with doctors, and becoming the self-appointed communicator with siblings, Church family, friends, and more. 

Today I posted a notarized letter to a juvenile court in central Florida because they won't talk to me on the phone or over the internet. In 2022, the only way to communicate is through a letter. Bureaucracy at its finest. And even though we haven't arrived there yet, April is already wearing me out with what might be on the horizon. 

So when a friend saw me this weekend and told me about this book I should read, it was all I could do to keep from laughing. Read?? I'm doing good to get through my text messages, much less adding one more book to my stack. Most nights in the last week I didn't fall into bed before one or two o'clock in the morning. 

I am a counselor with no degree, a pastor with no formal training, a medical aid without going to medical school. I am a housekeeper, a personal assistant, a communications expert, and - apparently - I am Google, because I cannot tell you the number of times someone has asked me for the answer to something they could have Googled...which I then proceed to do and then give them the answer. 

This is all in addition to the unpaid gigs of math tutor, science teacher, geography expert, and guidance counselor for the four kids I'm actively homeschooling. And the "normal" stuff that comes with being a mom of five, and a wife... chauffeur, cook, laundry manager, keeper of the schedule, planner of meals, an expert at selecting Amazon Prime next-day shipping for that thing the kid needs that I forgot until now... and a self-employed writer, editor, and proofreader on top of that, just to keep things from becoming boring. And if all of that were not enough, the Hubs is about to leave his job of 20 years to work for himself, and all the changes that come with that transition. Plus, it's tax season. Because...why not?

Everyone needs something...and reading a book that you think might be "helpful" to me is not at all helpful...unless it comes with legs and arms and can drive a car and run errands and give worthwhile advice when one (or more) of my kids are in tears just when I'm ready to crawl under the covers for the day. 

And yet, I am surviving this deluge of busyness, this tsunami of trials. People have asked how I'm holding up...and my answer remains the same: God is sustaining. He always has and He always does. 

One day last week, as I was driving from my parent's house to the pharmacy (with a stop at the medical equipment store), I, the stoic INTJ, burst into tears. It was all just too much. And as I sobbed and snotted all over the steering wheel, I heard God say, "When you are weak, I am strong. Rejoice in your weakness so that My power may rest on you." Being the obedient daughter that I am, I immediately said (out loud), "REJOICE?? FATHER, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO REJOICE IN THIS?!?!" And again I heard, "In your weakness, my strength is shown. My power is made perfect in weakness." The tears dried up as I meditated on these truths, and then I pressed on, in my weakness, and in His strength. 

When long nights followed long days, He was there. When the clock ticked slowly past the midnight hour, and my brain had long since shut off, He gave wisdom. And best of all, this gift is not just mine alone - it is available to you, to all of us who believe in Him, who choose to trust Him, who take one step in faith and keep walking. 

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. {Matthew 11:28-29}

The floods will keep coming. The waves will crash and the stormy gales will continue to blow, but, in the words of the song by Andrae Crouch, through it all, through it all...I've learned to trust in Jesus, I've learned to trust in God. I've learned to depend upon His Word. 

Happy March. I didn't organize my pantry (per my list of 12 for this year), but I learned a lot more about leaning into the Lord and taking what comes a day at a time. Whatever happens in April, may I still be found, in my weakness, resting in His power. See you next month...Lord willing! 

Don't Let the Darkness Overwhelm

This was shared this on my personal Facebook page earlier today, but I thought it was worth turning into a blog post as well, since I'm not friends with all of my readers. 

After getting the kids in bed last night, the Hubs and I sat down and had a long conversation that left both of us like this 🤯🤯 by the time we were done. So many questions and unknowns, so few answers. 

As very logical, rational people (see: #INTJ 😏), the current state of the world is...frustrating, to say the least. When a child asked me (again) yesterday, when this was all going to end, and I had to tell her that I honestly didn't know if it would, I felt a momentary sense of panic over the idea of living like this forever. I may not know what the future looks like, but what I DO know is that #iamthankful to know the One who holds the future -- no matter what happens.

And now...the soapbox. 😁 🧼

"...the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is dearness only that gives every thing its value." ~ Thomas Paine

We have friends in the travel industry who are facing unemployment if things don't change. We are surrounded by teachers who are trying to figure out how to do their jobs when the job description keeps changing on a daily basis. Our Facebook feed shows an ever widening gap between those who are shouting "wear the mask!" and those who are asking "why?"

In 1858, while accepting the Illinois Republican Party's nomination for US senator, Abraham Lincoln famously quoted Mark 3:25: "A house divided against itself, cannot stand." And then went on to say:

"I believe this government cannot endure permanently half slave and half free. I do not expect the Union to be dissolved — I do not expect the house to fall — but I do expect it will cease to be divided. It will become all one thing or all the other."

IT WILL BECOME ALL ONE THING OR ALL THE OTHER. Did you catch that?

I don't know what the future looks like, but I know this: we cannot continue on as we are. The divide is widening. Economics 101 demonstrates that economies cannot withstand a long-term shutdown. And while everything in me is screaming, "Come, Lord Jesus!" I also know He may tarry another thousand years or more, because He "wants everyone to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth." (1 Peter 2:4) 

And while I want out of this crazy world, more than that I desire to pick up my cross (die to self) and follow Jesus. Or rather, I desire for that to BE my desire. #HonestINTJ Christ's heart is for people, and therefore, mine must be as well. #HeMustIncrease

Masked friends and unmasked friends, those who vote straight (R) and those who push every (D), the ones who listen to NPR and those who feed on Fox News, please hear me when I say this: politics and politicians divide us, but our humanity connects us.

Friends, whether you have a "Biden 2020" or a "Keep America Great!" sticker on your car, if I see you broken down on the side of the road, I'm going to stop and make sure you're okay. Whether you're wearing a BLM or a Confederate flag t-shirt, if your house burns down, I will gladly give what I can to help you get back on your feet. The human world is hurting and angry and in pain...but there is Hope. And it doesn't come from Washington, and it doesn't come from government, and it doesn't even come from the good ol' American "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" mentality. The Hope for this world submitted to death on a cross in order that we might have eternal life.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep." (John 10:10 & 11)

"Therefore He is able also to save forever those who draw near to God through Him, since He always lives to make intercession for them." (Hebrews 7:25)

"We have this hope as an anchor for our lives, safe and secure." (Hebrews 6:19)

No matter who wins in November (and either way, it doesn't really feel like a win at this point, in my opinion, because the country is still sinking and the divide is growing), no matter where you worship (at home or in person), what you wear on your face (or don't), or how you feel about homeschool vs. social distancing vs. pods schools, your stance on gun control or gay marriage...this truth remains: through Christ, we have the option of abundant Life. For eternity. Christ has the power to turn your world right side up, even as the world around you is spinning out of control. And I guarantee that you will not find that offer on the ballot in 2020.

Can I help you? All you have to do is reach out. Message me, text me, leave a comment. I am here if you want to know more about the Hope that I have, and I'm here if you need encouragement. I'm here if you need food or just want a listening ear. We may disagree on everything, but that doesn't mean I don't care about you as a person. Okay? Good. Happy Tuesday. 

Be Anxious for Nothing (The REST of the Story)

Last year I began to share my journey through anxiety and panic, but shut down when people lashed out because I chose a different path to deal with it. No matter how many caveats and disclaimers I added to the blog posts or social media shares, those who disagreed with me (yet didn't know me, or my situation) felt the need to put in their 18 cents and argue against my own personal experience. Honestly, I wished that I had never started talking about it at all. But as another year passed, and as God has continued to work on me, I realized that sharing what He has done for me - whether other people approve of the methods or not - is never a mistake. So for what it's worth, here's the rest of the story...

You may recall that my anxiety took me by surprise, having never experienced anything like it before. You may also remember that after meeting with my physician to make sure there wasn't anything physically wrong, I began taking steps towards recovery that included spending many hours in prayer, digging into God's Word, and - eventually - reading a whole bunch of A.W. Tozer. If you don't know who A.W. Tozer is, you can click here to read a short bio of his life, but for me it's not about Tozer - the great writer, but Tozer - the man who points people to God. God placed his work in my life at a time when I was unknowingly seeking a deeper relationship with Jesus, and his words led me down a path that I had been missing.

In November of 2014, the Hubs started saying to me, "I've been listening to this audio book that I got for free. It's by a guy named Tozer, and I think you might really like it." Now, the Hubs never recommends books to me, and in general we have different tastes in the types of literature that we read, so I ignored his suggestion. But he kept bringing it up (which was also unusual), until I finally gave in and ordered the paperback version of The Attributes of God (Vol. 1). As my panic worsened in December, I found myself unable to do most of the activities that I had always used to relax and escape from the stresses and pressures of life - watching (Christmas) movies, reading mysteries, scrolling through Pinterest. Even sitting in church became a nightmare! I found myself battling against full blown panic attacks while those around me belted out Christmas hymns, and I became an expert at bolting out the door as soon as the pastor closed his final prayer. Everything that had previously brought me pleasure now incited overwhelming fear. Everything, that is, except God's Word and Tozer's book. 

As we passed through the Christmas season, I spent my days curled up in a chair in our living room with my Bible, The Attributes of God, and a notebook. In general I am a fast reader, but it took me a month to read through The Attributes because I kept bursting into tears, overwhelmed by my small view of God. My prayer and gratitude journals during that time are filled with confessions of my own sense of control, my cry to God to be my stronghold, my lists of anxious thoughts and irrational fears.

What is it that makes you happy? What cheers you up and gives your morale a lift? Is it your job? Is it the fact that you have good clothes? Is it that you've married well or have a fine position? Just what is it that brings you joy? That's our trouble. We know that God is so vast that in comparison everything is just the size of a hazelnut. And yet we're not happy people because we've got our minds set on things. We multiply things, and we increase things and put our confidence in things and God. We have our job and God; we have our husband and God; we have our strong body and God; we have our good job and God; we have our home and God. We have our ambition for the future and God, and so we put God as a plus sign after something else. {A.W. Tozer - The Attributes of God, God's Immensity, pg. 28 & 29}

It was during this season that God stripped me of everything that I had unknowingly come to rely on instead of Him, the biggest shock coming when I realized that I had put my husband in the place of God in my life - which I confessed to my Father and asked the Hubs to forgive. As much as he wanted to help, in the midst of my panic attacks, my sweet husband could do nothing to comfort me. His embrace did not make me feel safe, his prayers did not calm my soul, his rational explanation of my physical response did nothing to alleviate my anxiety. When I saw my choice to look to him for my security rather than rely upon God, I was a sobbing, crumpled mess, begging God to forgive my pride and arrogance, my ignorance and foolishness, and to take His rightful place back at the core of my heart. And, my friends, He did. 

In His awesome faithfulness, He began to take my brokenness and remake me. It took time - months, in fact - but God allowed me to see the bigger picture. I stood in awe of His might and power, of His authority and His love. I realized that I had unwittingly put God in a small, convenient box of my own making, one that fit my view of Him. Of course He was God, and yes, He played a large role in my life, but I was still holding onto control of other segments. Or, rather, I held onto the illusion of control. As God did His work in me, I slowly realized that I controlled nothing at all. From something as simple as going out to dinner (and being paralyzed by fear in the parking lot) to relinquishing control on the adoption process that we were in the midst of, God reminded me that my job is to follow His lead, not to attempt to lead Him where I wanted to go. Letting go of control was hard - and can still be a challenge - but it was necessary to move to the next step of recovery.

It's been almost five years since my first panic attack, and I can't remember how long since my last one. Months, at least. On the rare occasion that panic comes for a visit, it usually happens when I have strayed away from fellowship with my Father. When the days are long and the busyness overwhelms the introverted me, when I've set my eyes on my own plans, looking inward rather than upward, then the squeeze of panic begins. Sometimes it manifests itself through unexpected tears (and I'm not a crier, so I hate this, of course!), sometimes it's just unexplained fear. But now I am armed with an arsenal of Scripture, a group of praying friends who are just a text away, and the knowledge that I can let go - must let go, in fact - so that God will increase in my life. Because when He increases, there is no room for the self-focus that drives fear. Yes, I did it without a counselor, yes, I did it without medication, but no, I did not do it at all - I surrendered because I could do nothing else, and God met me with open arms. 

I don't know your story - just as you really only have a limited understanding of mine - but I do know our God, and I know what He is fully capable of doing, as long as you are willing to let go and trust Him completely. What I learned as a result of my experience is that God is sufficient. He is, in fact, more than enough. It is not God who must become more powerful - He already is all-powerful - but I who must acknowledge His power. Fear and panic are not choices - I know this well enough after all the times when I tried to rationalize my way out of them - but surrendering to God in the midst of it, is. I'm thankful for the way God used A.W. Tozer's book on God's attributes to show me my limiting view of Him. I'm grateful for every moment of panic, every fear-filled day, and every gut-wrenching sob that I experienced, because without them, I would still be comfortable in my complacency. God can, and does, use the difficulties of this life to draw us back to where we can best see Him, and for that there are not enough words of thanks. 

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our heart by the Holy Spirit who He has given us. {Romans 5:2-5}

Chaotic Peace

It's been a long, busy week. I'm a mentally and physically drained introvert. I've got a long list of work-related items to knock out today, not to mention a full kitchen sink, messy counters, and the pile of Christmas lights that are still sitting on our bedroom floor because I just haven't managed to get them downstairs into their storage box. This is life. 

Life is messy, it's busy, it's filled with crazy chaos at times. While standing at the free (because our local martial arts studio loves parents!) coffee center at taekwondo last night, waiting to get a small cup of bean juice, I stepped out of character and started talking with the other mother who was getting coffee ahead of me. We laughed about the fact that we wake up in the mornings and our first thought is "how long until bedtime?" Every day this week has been hijacked by appointments (planned and unplanned), errands, and life. I am firmly convinced that God created coffee beans for parents. Step aside perky teenagers and college students...Mama needs her coffee! 

This morning over on Facebook, I've been staring at the blinking cursor after the words "January 18: #iamthankful..." for far too long, my mind drawing a blank. Sometimes it's hard to focus on gratitude in the middle of life...which is exactly why I practice the habit of intentional daily gratitude. One of our girls has put down, "thankful for the chips you packed in my lunch" every day this week for one of her 'thankful for' items. And while I want her to start thinking BEYOND food for her gratitude list, this week I have had to chuckle because sometimes the "bag of chips" is all you can think of -- and you truly are thankful for them!

On Wednesday morning, I was picking out bananas at the grocery store and looked up to see my childhood friend who tragically lost her husband one year ago (and gave birth to their son just hours before the funeral). She was picking out flowers and a balloon to place on his grave. I have watched her over the last year as she has worked through the grief of widowhood and the joy of being a new mom, sharing both the sense of loss and the wonder of new life through her Facebook posts and her blog. Seeing her in the store on the one year anniversary of her husband's death was a stark reminder to me not to take any of these crazy days for granted.

Last night, during all of our running around in the car, I told the kids that I was going to play the audio Bible that I'd been listening to. Although it was for me (and my sanity) and not specifically for them, as the narrator began to read out of 2 Thessalonians and then 1 Timothy, the car became calm and peaceful. As the last words of Paul to Timothy ebbed away, I heard my 7 year old son say quietly - from his seat in the very back of the car - "That was good." Yes, God's Words are always good. They are edifying and thought-provoking. They remind me that this life (and the chaos that often comes with it) are just temporary, and we are to make the most of every opportunity that we are given. Life is a vapor...live it for the Glory of God. And in everything, give thanks.    

Thoughts from My Desk

Spring break week for the work-from-home mom looks something like this...

While the kids take over the house, I am earbuds-in, door closed, and working away in my bedroom home office. One thing I never anticipated when I started freelancing six years ago was the freedom that it would give me to continue to use another section of my brain if we ever had kids. In fact, at the time of taking that leap from traditional employment to self-employed, the Hubs and I were happily kid-free by choice (and had been for 12 years) with absolutely no plans on changing that. Unbeknownst to us - GOD did.

Now here I sit with Mozart cranked in my ears, attempting to focus on the writing job that I need to complete by tomorrow while our five (yes, 5!!) adopted kids are hanging out in the basement movie room (directly below my office - and no insulation) cackling over the antics of Cliff and Claire Huxtable and their 5 television children. My, how life has changed. 

As I was saying, the freedom that comes from knowing that if life gets a little too crazy (or boring or mundane, "do I really need to answer the same question five times, or can you not all listen at the same time?!"), I know that I have a way of escape through the work that I do, with the bonus that this sanity saver is also putting some much needed extra change in our savings.

Because I chose to continue to work from home, I can say "yes" to the kids trying new things: taekwondo, ballet, gymnastics, summer camps. Because I use the skills that God gives me, I can model the idea to my girls that being a wife and mom - willingly or not-so-willingly - doesn't mean that they are limited to one or two roles, if God opens a door for them to use their talents in other ways. Because I set aside a few hours each week to write, edit and consult, I can view the ever-growing grocery receipt without blanching because I know God's already provided for it.

When we were about to leave to go get the kids, I took an indefinite leave of absence from the company that had been my primary bread and butter for freelance work, not knowing if I would have the time or energy to work once we had the kids, nor whether they would still have work to offer me if I did. I'd been home about a month when the woman who took me on the first time contacted me a second time and asked if I'd be willing to come back a few hours a week - as needed - in a revised role. You wouldn't believe how fast I jumped at the chance. I needed the normal. I needed the distraction from the chaos that was my life at the time. I needed to be able to zone out from everything that was making me feel completely incompetent and be able to competently contribute to a project. I needed to be someone besides "mom".

It's not always easy - like the juggling that occurs during spring and summer breaks - but I'm still grateful for the opportunity to play multiple roles - wife, mother, daughter, sister, editor, writer, consultant, co-worker. I didn't think I'd be a mom, let alone a working mom (those were rather taboo in the Christian community when I was growing up), but here I am, and I thank God daily for the way He continues to orchestrate every aspect of my story. 

Be Anxious For Nothing (Part 1)

Confident. Independent. Happy. Secure. For the first 32 years of my life, I was all of those things. Then in the middle of the year of 2014 - and half-way through our 4 year adoption process - God began to break me. 

Instead of feeling confident, I was in a constant state of anxiety. Instead of being independent, I felt like I was falling apart. Instead of being happy, I was continually on the verge of tears for no known reason. Instead of feeling secure, I was overwhelmed by fear. When I started waking up in the middle of the night in an utter state of panic, gasping for breath while I sobbed uncontrollably and barely able to get out the words, "GOD...HELP ME!" I knew something had to change.

What in the world happened? What was going on? And most importantly - how could I fix it?

In early December 2014, a few days after my 33rd birthday, I finally went to the doctor to make sure that I wasn't dying (as my brain told me that I was), and after being informed that some of the symptoms I had shared were actually related to my gallbladder (which was removed the next month), she looked at me and said, "You're having panic attacks." No, not me. I don't do that. Panic attacks only happen in the minds of people who don't trust God, and I obviously trust God totally because I'm following Him on this crazy journey of adopting a bunch of kids, right? Not quite. As it turns out, I had fallen much farther away from God than I realized, and the next few months would turn into some of the hardest - and BEST - journeys back to Him that I have ever experienced.

As I took in what my physician was saying, I heard her offer to write me a prescription for an anti-anxiety medication and refer me to counseling. That was when my INTJ brain snapped into place (and one of the many times that I have been grateful for the personality that God gave me) as I glanced at the Hubs and then replied, "No, thank you. I just need to spend a whole lot more time with Jesus." I could see the skepticism on her face, but she accepted my response and assured me that if I changed my mind, she would be happy to provide one or both of her previous offers.

When we left the office, I felt a sense of relief in knowing that - physically - there was something I could do (have my gallbladder removed) that would help, but that I also had an answer for what was going on in my brain. As an INTJ, all I needed was an answer in order to become highly focused on finding a solution to fix it, and that's exactly what I set about doing for the next four months as God broke me apart, repaired the fractured bits, and helped me discover all that I had been missing in my relationship with Him.

Over the next few weeks, I'd like to share that process with you in the hopes that it may be an encouragement to anyone who may have dealt with similar issues, or may be going through a difficult time right now. This is my story - the one God wrote for me and took me through - and it will be different than yours, so I ask for grace as I share it with you over time.

Of Note: If you are in counseling or taking medicine to help you get through this time, please don't tune out now because you think I'm going to judge people for that. I'm not - I simply want to share my story, and how God allowed me to go through this valley so that I could learn to totally rest in Him. Let me be CLEAR: God uses any number of things to lead us back to Him - so I am definitely NOT saying you should try to be a lone reed here. Please hold your comments on this aspect until I have had time to share the whole story. Thank you for respecting this.

For Best Results, Use Other Side

So here's the deal... I'm a sucker for mugs. This has been a long-standing obsession that started on our honeymoon back at the turn of the century (wow - how old does that make us sound?!), and the collection grew from there.

After a few years overseas and a desire to simplify our lives (and cabinets), I began to purge the mugs that meant little or nothing to me, keeping only those that made me smile or--with each sip--transported me to a far away locale or brought a delightful memory to mind.

Seemingly unrelated (hang with me), but since the kids arrived last year, our bedroom has become our private sanctuary (much needed for these two INTJs).  Bringing five kids into the mix meant that I lost my dedicated office space and our bedroom absorbed my work zone. The long desk space just begged for junk to cover it, and with the aforementioned five children there was always plenty of it to go around. School papers, stuff to file, and miscellaneous paraphernalia were drawn to the desk space like a moth to a flame, and our so-called sanctuary quickly became the collection area for everything that had no home of its own.

After 12 months of chaos, I'd had enough! Just before Christmas I made a concerted effort to finally get my office desk cleaned off in order to repurpose/reclaim one half of it as a tea center. While I was busy buying specialty teas and a thermos for the Hub's Christmas, unbeknownst to me, HE was busy buying an electric kettle and two fantastic new mugs for me. Great minds, and all that.

His half of the the final outcome included two additions from The Unemployed Philosophers Guild. If you haven't heard of them before, you're probably not alone. Although left-leaning in their merchandise, they do have some bright spots - for example, these beauties with quotes from Sherlock Holmes and Jane Austen. I just can't help but release a deep sigh of contentment while sipping Pomegranate Oolong from a mug that states, "There is nothing more deceptive than an obvious fact" - among other quotes from the mind of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's great detective. Or this fantastic quip from the timeless Austen, "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife."

I was, of course, ecstatic when I unwrapped them on Christmas, but it was a small piece of paper that fell out of them after I removed them from the box that really hit my funny bone.

Are mugs new to you?

Do you already own a mug?

Are you using it correctly?

The Unemployed Philosophers Guild cares. For helpful tips that will lead to years of happy and successful mug ownership, watch our instructional video.

Well, with an offer like that before me, I couldn't help but go find out what I've been doing wrong all these years as a mug owner! If you're curious...

Finally, the answers I've been looking for on "proper mug utilization" which even covers my specific usage in a room that happens to be both home AND workplace. How convenient is that? 

Although they don't fall in the No. 1 spot of all-time favorite Christmas gifts, these mugs definitely rank up there in the top 10, and I'm thrilled to have added them to our private collection (who doesn't want a mug that tells you to use the other side for best results?!). If you're looking for a unique birthday gift for a left-leaning family member, a closet Trekkie, a math nerd, or a Dr. Who fanatic, you're pretty much guaranteed to find something unique at philosophersguild.com. 

Cheers!

Celebrating the Unique

INTJ (Introversion, iNtuition, Thinking, Judgement) is an abbreviation used in the publications of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) to refer to one of the 16 psychological types. 

People with the INTJ personality type are imaginative yet decisive, ambitious yet private, amazingly curious, but they do not squander their energy. Possessing intellect and strategic thinking that allow them to overcome many challenging obstacles, INTJs have the ability to both develop and implement a plan for everything, including their own personal growth. {via 16Personalities.com}

That's a small section of insight into what I (and the Hubs) are like as individuals - apart from our faith in Christ, and our desire to die to self and be formed more to His image. But God also created us as unique beings, with specific gifts, talents, abilities, and personality traits that have helped us survive and thrive in difficult and varied situations throughout our individual lives, and during our 16 years of marriage.

It was this very uniqueness which gave us a calm assurance that God had specifically equipped us to take on a situation (adopting 5 children at once) that others thought insane. We labor under no delusion that it will be easy, or that we will always respond well to the outcome of turning our lives upside down in obedience to God's calling. We are not going through the adoption process to fulfill a personal need, or for the praise of men or the gratitude of children, but because He has led us here.

Although we have been in this process for over 3.5 years now, the reason we didn't tell many people about it until earlier this year was because we were not mentally ready to deal with the influx of unsolicited advice that we knew would flow our way. And, just as we anticipated, it has.

"I have a friend who adopted..."
"There's this book you HAVE to read..."
"You should really consider..."

Believe me, we've heard it all. And each time it happens, I attempt to smile and bite my tongue, trying to believe that most of the people mean well (which, as an INTJ, is not a belief that comes naturally for me). What most of them don't know is that we've spent the last 3.5 years researching and counting the cost of this God-orchestrated story. 

We've talked to those who have adopted, listened to those who have done more than us, researched the best educational methods for children who are adjusting to a new environment and language, and studied the cultural norms and taboos of their home country. Despite assumptions to the contrary, our registry items were selected with care, toys were chosen with purpose, and school curriculum based on the needs of our children and the skills of their teachers (a.k.a. us). In short, if it's a part of the process, we've probably hit it. 

This doesn't stop people from giving their two cents (which even I confess to doing on occasion), but whether you've written me off as an insufferable know-it-all by now or you're still hanging around to see where this is going, here's the thing I want you to take away today...

Every adoption story is as unique as the adults preparing for it, and the child(ren) facing it. Every life story is as different as the individual living it. And the so-called experts may not, in fact, always know best.  

I am not you. You are not me. Relax... and let God write His beautifully unique stories in your life, and in mine. 

What's Your Excuse?

This week my sweet husband said two words to me that you might not expect out of him...

You're pathetic.

Now, before you get your knickers in a knot and leave comments about how no man should ever say that to his wife, and no self-respecting woman should ever take that from a man, let me be very clear: he was totally correct. 

In context, we were discussing a fundraiser that we're trying to plan for our adoption. And by "trying" I mean that we've talked about it a lot. And by "planning," I mean avoiding doing anything other than emailing a couple of people. 

There are a lot of positives to being married to someone of the same personality type. You get each other's humor, you understand their weak spots, and you're a solid team against the world. However, it also means that those aforementioned weak spots are your collective kryptonite. 

You'll be happy to know he didn't stop there. He paused before saying...

We both are.

In this instance, he was referring to our combined hatred of talking to people on the phone. Emails? Yes. Texting? A gift of the technology gods to introverts everywhere! But phone calls? Oh, please... anything but that! I've been putting off a phone call (to someone I know!) for months, and then a second phone call for several weeks to someone I don't. There's always an excuse. 

I was so swamped at work today. I meant to call him/her, but then I totally forgot until it was too late. I have it on my "to do" list. It's really tacky to call over the weekend, I'll wait until Monday. It was the next thing on my list and then [insert name] dropped by and ended up staying for 2 hours. {Or when there is time and no good excuse...} Did you see that I organized the pantry?

Here's the deal: in my head, I know that I have built up something I hate doing (talking on the phone) into a Goliath that it does not deserve to be. And truth be told, the calls take about 5 minutes, the information is gathered, and then it's all over. The "stone" of just doing it could absolutely take down the Goliath of dreading it.

How often is this the case? Yesterday, Phil Gerbyshack shared an image on his social media channels that perfectly captured this tendency, with the quote, "Stop saying it won't work. Start asking how you can make it work." As soon as I read it, it clicked.

There are several things in my life at the moment that I am guilty of shoving into the "it won't work" category. I am the queen of excuses when it comes to those things - always ready with a, "yes, well..." answer when the Hubs (or anyone else) asks me if I've followed through on something. If I took Phil's advice, I wonder what all I could accomplish - and what my life might look like in a year - if instead of making excuses, I started asking, "How can I can make it work?"

Now, if you'll excuse me... I have a phone call to take care of.

Clutter, Stewardship, and The "One Touch" Rule

There's a part of my personality that absolutely abhors clutter - in all it's various forms. Curious thing though, had you walked into our home two months ago (or into our basement for any of the 15 years we've lived in this house), you might have wondered if that side of me had gone into long-term hibernation.

During the days of waiting on adoption paperwork and country decisions, there's not much that these two recovering-INTJs can control. We'd filled out the forms (in triplicate), made copies of everything, shipped it all off to be processed, and were feeling a bit out of sorts with the time we had on our hands. However, it was during this lull in activity that the blinders to the household chaos seemed to come off, and we were truly appalled by what we saw.

Stuff. Everywhere. Stuff in the closets, stuff on the counters, piles upon piles, and enough empty cardboard boxes to move an army. The switch flipped and we went into major purge mode.

For the first time since we moved in, you can walk through all areas of our basement without tripping over Styrofoam coolers, shopping bags that used to hold jar candles but were now just housing the empty paper wrapping, and a plethora of "we might be able to use this some day" mistake purchases.

The result of cleaning out the clutter was more than just peace of mind and tidy spaces, it was a very timely reminder of a large chunk of our lives when we were less frugal than we would like anyone to know.

In the weeks since our purge, we have both implemented the principle of "touch it once" - meaning that when something comes into the house, we aim for the goal of touching it one time. It comes in, and we deal with it. We file it, store it, toss it, or use it immediately. It doesn't find a home on the kitchen counter for the next month. It doesn't get tossed on the basement floor to be dealt with later. If we don't know where to put it, we find a permanent home so it doesn't get flung into a spare closet to disappear for years.

In fact, part of this purge came about when we found out we needed to turn our guest bedroom into a room for a little boy (we were set up for 4 girls, but when those girls had a little brother... bye-bye guest room!). Losing the guest bedroom meant we also lost the last remaining "spare" closet in the house, so everything in there had to either find a new storage home or disappear. It's amazing how much of it left after we realized that we hadn't pulled it out in years. Lack of storage can be a (first world) pain, but an excess of it can be just as bad when it causes you to keep stuff you don't need, don't like, don't want, and don't use. 

Over a month out, our kitchen counters are still clean, our dining table is still free of piles, our basement is actually a pleasant place to spend time, and our wallets are more securely stowed. Developing a habit - good or bad - doesn't happen overnight, but one day at a time. One day at a time, we're choosing to pick up, put away, and deal with the mess in the moment instead of putting it off for later. It makes me wonder...

...what else in my life have I been putting off until later that would free up mental space if I just did it now? 

Something to think about...

You Cannot Plan for Everything

It's Good Friday. And oh my friends, how GOOD it is! This morning I flipped to John 17 and read through Christ's prayer for Himself, His disciples, and then for us - and found myself moved to tears. That Jesus, the Son of God, would pray for me - knowing He had me in mind when He said, 

“My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one— I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me." {John 17:20-23}

Our prayer - from the beginning of this adoption journey until now - has been that people would see God, and see what He can accomplish when people are willing to submit to His story for their lives, rather than trying to write their own. As I've shared before, if our life story had been written by us, it wouldn't look anything like this. It certainly wouldn't involve turning our (happily introverted) world upside down and opening our (nice, quiet) home to 5 children who have had a rough start to their lives. But surrendering (unwillingly, at first) to the calling that God placed upon our lives, has changed us. 

It's taken three years to get us to this point, but now we can't imagine not following Him down this path. We're ready for the next step. We know that we'll never be completely prepared to take on what these kids are bringing with them, but we also know that we serve a God who is - and so we will take them, with open arms. 

God may not be calling you to adopt - but during those moments of quiet, ask Him to show you what He does have for you. He has a plan for you - but you have to stop long enough to listen; and what He asks of you may scare you to death (it certainly scared us!), but as John Wayne once said, "saddle up anyway!" :)

ADOPTION UPDATE: We heard from our agency this week - and we're still waiting for final review and approval from Costa Rica. They pushed our application to the end of their stack (since we won't be ready to travel until June, at the earliest), so that's why there's been a delay. The good news is that the planned delay also gave our new social worker time to update and finalize (this week!) our home study, so that is now ready to go to USCIS for a revised approval by U.S. immigration for the 5 children (rather than our previously approved status for 4). 

One other cool story and then I'll get to the financial update. 

Our agency called us about 3 weeks ago to say they thought it would help the post-adoption process if we would talk to a family (or two) that they knew of who had adopted 3 children at once. Being INTJ's, our reaction to this additional request was less than enthusiastic, and I went so far as to ask, "Do you know anyone who had no children and adopted 5?" We couldn't see the value of talking to a couple who had always wanted children (which we didn't) and then adopted two fewer than we were planning to take. However... that "rule following" side of our personalities came out, and if that's what the agency wanted, then we would follow through.

Here's where the story becomes GOD'S story. And I truly think He is still chuckling!

On the Monday after that call, a woman that I have worked with (who didn't know anything about this new requirement) sent me a private Facebook message with a link to a video about a family who had adopted. She assumed we'd already seen it, but since they reminded her so much of us, she wanted to share. I watched the video and almost cried.

Here was a couple who had no children (although they did want children - we couldn't be exactlyalike, right?) who adopted 5 siblings from Colombia. "Good news, honey, apparently we're not the only crazies out there in the world!" :) If we HAD to do this talking-to-people thing (hello, introverts!), then we knew right away that we wanted to do it with this couple. They seemed down to earth, with similar personalities and a sense of humor (that's a bonus). I utilized Google to find them (a slightly less-crazy version of cyber-stalking, I promise!), and sent a message through Facebook.

Thankfully they believed me when I said we were not really crazy, and the email conversation started from there. They've been home with their kids for 3 years, so close enough to the in-country time to remember what that was like, but long enough to share what they've learned about being a family - and first-time parents! We told the agency (and they are thrilled), and are now getting to know Tyler and Beth (who happen to have recently relocated about 5 hours from us). Thank you, God, for caring about the details!

FINANCES - because we can't do this without them. Broken record: thanks to all who have given! We are humbled and blessed each time we get a donation notification or receive a check in the mail. In the spirit of transparency (because that's something else God has been working on with us), here's the news... 

Over the last few weeks, we have both been plagued with doubts and concerns about how we're going to pay for everything. Let me tell you - it's not easy being a planner/control freak. ;) Getting the bad news that we owed money on our taxes this year (rather than the refund we thought we were going to get) was painful. Peter's started counting weeks (and days) between now and when we could potentially be traveling, and the numbers in our bank accounts aren't adding up to the numbers of our upcoming expenses. And yet... 

We know God has called us to this, and we know He has provided and will continue to do so. But this is one of those times of learning how to believe and trust... in faith. We're not so good at that. We want to know. We want to plan. We want to cross all the t's and dot all the i's and have our ducks in a row and... you get the idea. So, here's what we need you to do... 

Pray for us.
Donate if God nudges.
Share this story with others.
Let people know I'm available for work.
Or buy a copy of our book - that helps too! :)

Mostly: PRAY. 

• Pray that we would continue to trust and follow God. 
• Pray for our kids - that even now God would be preparing them, and their hearts, for a major life shake-up. 
• Pray that God would provide the finances (through work or donations) as we need them.
• Pray for this story to illuminate the awesomeness of God.

He is Risen! He is Risen Indeed!

Originally posted on 3/25/16 at YouCaring.com/KoensAdoption

Do The Next Thing

Last weekend I found myself with time on my hands (something I'm sure I won't have as much of once we pick up our 5 kids this summer!), and a brand new book on my nightstand. The timing of it was perfect, and I consumed Living Forward by Michael Hyatt and Daniel Harkavy.

If you haven't read it - you should.
If you haven't ordered it - you should.
If you haven't reserved it at your local library - you should.

If you're tired of waiting for life to slow down so you can make a plan, then you definitely need to read this book! Don't get me wrong - most of it wasn't what I would call "groundbreaking" (at least for me), but it was the kick in the pants that I needed to stop dreaming and start doing.

If you want things to change, then you need to take action. If you have dreams and goals floating around out there, then you need to make a plan and take steps to make them happen. As the title of this post suggests...

If you want to change your life, you have to do the next thing. 

So what is your next thing? Would you travel the world, start your own business, stop being afraid of failure? Would you write a book, change careers, go back to school, or finally lose those extra pounds? It could be career-related, it could be personal, it could involve your family, or it could be something others would call "crazy." Believe me - "crazy" is a word I hear thrown around a lot following my name these days, but when you're pursuing a dream - or (as in our case) something bigger than yourself - it doesn't matter what others think.

Crazy only becomes a problem when you don't have a plan. And that's where Living Forward comes into play. Hyatt and Harkavy walk their readers through a Life Plan process, focusing on long-term goals, and then providing the steps to get you there. The Hubs happened to be sick on Sunday, so while he recovered on the couch, I grabbed a notebook and pen and worked my way through long-buried dreams.

While reading through the steps, I realized that I had once again tabled my long-term professional goals with the thought of, "Now is not the time - we're doing this adoption, bringing home 5 kids, trying to save/raise money for that. Later... once we're home, and the kids are settled, and life has calmed down. THEN. Then I'll think about what I'd like to do. Then I'll try to branch out and do my thing." Do you know what I realized as I heard all the excuses in my head?

THEN never happens. 

There's never a perfect time to jump. Never a perfect moment to take the leap, write the post, promote the book, plan ahead, network, or try new things. If you don't seize the opportunities of TODAY, all you'll have at the end of your life is a list of regrets. A list of moments when you wish that you had taken the risk, had that conversation, followed a prompting, or listened to that still small voice telling you to let go. THEN is NOW.

So go ahead, call me crazy, but as I stand on the cusp of being a mom to 5, I'm revisiting - and re-envisioning - my dreams. The plan is created, the forward movement has begun, and it's exhilarating.

What's your next step?

How Closet Organization Helps an #INTJ Deal with Change

I've mentioned this before, but both the Hubs and I are Recovering INTJs. However, dealing with huge unknowns and total lack of control has brought out some of our best - and worst - INTJ personality traits, which we've been channeling into a whole-house purge and organizing event.

On a somewhat unrelated note, if you're currently looking for companies to buy stock in, I would suggest The Container Store and the Sterilite Corporation as they've recently seen an increase in sales. {ahem} 

In the last month (since we found out there's a strong possibility we'll be adopting 5 children, rather than the originally planned 4), we've felt the "stress knob" crank up as we try to figure out what needs to change in our (already completed) home study, our (already completed) paperwork, and our (already completed) house. Since INTJs also tend to fall into the "Type A, Control Freak" categories, you can imagine the FUN we've been having around here as God reminds us once again that we aren't in control... HE IS. Good reminder... difficult lesson.

Last week a friend shared a link to a website that covered how different MBTI types deal with stress. Since that's something I've been dealing with in real life, I clicked through and what I read under the "INTJ – The Mastermind" section made me laugh out loud.

Some of the items listed that stress out an INTJ:

• Having to pay attention to too many details at once.
• Being in unfamiliar environments.
• Having their well-settled plans disrupted.
• Too much focus on the here-and-now.
• Not being able to use their intuition to envision the future.

Well, that's the adoption process in a nutshell! The article went on...

"When in a state of stress, the INTJ can feel an immense amount of pressure – as if everything is on the line. [...] They may find themselves overwhelmed, and thinking about ideas and options that don’t have a productive end. As stress increases, the INTJ can become argumentative and disagreeable. Social interaction becomes increasingly difficult; and they may become preoccupied with obsessive ideas and plans. [...] In a case of chronic stress, the INTJ may fall into the grip of their inferior function; extraverted sensing. When this happens, they may give into self-destructive indulgences, like over-eating, over-exercising, alcoholism, or buying lots of useless items. They may obsessively clean or re-organize files." Psychology Junkie

I'm quite sure that Peter wouldn't mind one bit if I channeled my INTJ stress into obsessive cleaning, but sadly for him (and for our house), I tend towards the "re-organizing files" and "buying lots of useless items" tracks when under stress. Apparently I've been stressed for a while, because now that we're in purge mode I'm appalled (on a regular basis) at the amount of unnecessary stuff I've once again acquired. But as it always does, cleaning up and clearing out has helped kicked my financial self-discipline from neutral into high gear, so there's always an upside (like the Tape Incident from a few years back).

So what does happen then an INTJ under stress feels overwhelmed, out of control, and in need of a fix? Read this embarassing TRUE STORY to find out.

Friday is my scheduled-on-the-calendar "personal tasks" day. As an introvert, I look forward to having that day to be totally alone with no scheduled calls or need to interact with people. 

PRAYER NOTE: if you're a parent who is laughing at the thought that I will soon have 5 tiny people around who don't know what "alone time" is - turn that laughter into prayer for me, because I already *know* it's a weak spot. 

ANYWAY, a few weeks back the Hubs randomly suggested that he come home early on Friday to work on adoption paperwork and I didn't handle that well {*cough* UNDERSTATEMENT *cough*}. When he asked me what my deal was, I spewed out words that will live in infamy in this house: "I had plans... I was going to do THAT CLOSET THING!" That's when Peter raised an eyebrow and said, "That CLOSET THING? And what CLOSET THING would that be?" Turning a bright shade of red, I sputtered a bit more about, "organizing... storage... need to find space for... time to purge..." while he looked less and less impressed. When he came home that night, I threw open our closet door to display "THAT CLOSET THING" that had occupied part of my day: two suitcases and a bag now occupied one of our top shelves. Yeah... he wasn't over-awed either, but weeks later we're still laughing about it. 

Now that I've identified that I'm experiencing the results of being an INTJ under stress, I've settled down and channeled that need for control into preparations for a "surprise" little boy and a welcoming walk-in closet for 4 girls. When I feel the stress beginning to rise, I actually walk into their bedroom, open the door to the closet, and feel the tension start to melt away. It's amazing what a little organizing will do for the mind. 

P.S. In case you're interested, the rest of that helpful article went on to share how you can help an INTJ who is experiencing stress, and as an INTJ, these resonated with me the most:

• Give them space, and time alone to process their thoughts and feelings.
• Let them express their thoughts and feelings without judgment. Understand that they may be irrational. {I would add that the fact that I know the thoughts and feelings are irrational only makes it worse for an INTJ-type, and can cause additional anger or frustration because we don't like irrationality. For that reason, it does help to acknowledge that frustration, and provide a safe, judgement-free spot where the INTJ can vent, and then move on.}
• Don’t give them advice. This will only make them feel worse.
• Give them a break from responsibilities. {This is one of the primary reasons I schedule Fridays OFF from work-for-pay jobs... I need the mental freedom to get other stuff done.}

The #INTJ View of National Hug Day

Apparently there was some kind of "Off the Hallmark Radar" event yesterday where people celebrate hugs. So sorry I missed it [insert sarcasm here].

Over the years, I have developed a reputation among my acquaintances for not being a touchy-feely, hugging sort of person. Unintentionally acquired... but accurate.

Not one, but two of the people I work with (virtually) on a regular basis tagged me on Facebook this morning, linking to this article from the Huffington Post on how horrible a holiday National Hug Day actually was.

For all you huggy types out there, here's something to keep in mind: not everyone likes hugs from people they barely know. Or even hugs from people that they DO know. 

So here's the perspective of a non-hugger, INTJ: If you like to hug, but you don't know how the other person feels about it, let them make the first move. 

• If they come with an outstretched hand - respect that. 
• If they come in for a side hug, don't grab them in a bear hug. 
• And just because we aren't ready to "hug it out" with you, doesn't mean that we're cold or stand-offish. It doesn't mean we don't love you or even like you... we are just more reserved in our outward affection. I like to think there's room for both.

I've been called out by clients, friends, and "I only know you on Facebook" people for lying about not hugging when they see a photo of the Hubs and I in an embrace. I shouldn't really have to point this out, but I'll go ahead and state the obvious: we're married. I hug my parents. If I haven't seen a sibling in a long time, I'll give them a hug. If I just saw them last week... we usually keep it to a "hey, how YOU doin'" pat on the knee or shoulder. 

Finally, even in my own little "hug-free" world, I still believe there is a time and a place for hugs.

• When someone is celebrating a major life event
• When someone is mourning a loss
• When the relationship has developed into something deeper than, "I saw your breakfast photo on Facebook and I feel like I know you." 

Otherwise, in the words of George Stanley Banks... EXCUSE ME! DO I KNOW YOU??

A friendly handshake to all on this snowy Friday.