Find the Joy

I've been on a bit of a purging kick since the week of Thanksgiving. Before hosting 22 people last Thursday, I went through my kitchen and pantry and filled six large boxes with items to be donated to our local Goodwill.

It was good stuff, nice stuff, never-been-used stuff. Holiday dishes, mixing bowls, cloth napkins. It represented a realistic look at my fantasy life/family that I imagined I would have when I was in my 20s, and the reality of my (wonderful) life/family in my 40s.

 
I know what kind of mom I am...not the kind that needs 100 cookie cutters. I know what kind of hostess I am...the kind that is a raving fan of the nice holiday paper plates from Hobby Lobby. I routinely choose ease over fuss, simple over hard, and ready-made over made-from-scratch (most of the time...I have my moments).

 
Since then, the purge has continued. Three more large boxes have been packed up since the pre-Thanksgiving load, including more holiday decor as I've been going through the containers from our basement, decking the house. 

I've boxed up Christmas dishes that my mother gave to my grandparents when she and my father were poor newlyweds (a set of four, split between their two parents). One of the plates broke in a move we made 22 years ago, and the other three have been pulled out and used a handful of times since then. They hold memories...for my mom, but not for me. And so they are being passed on to someone who can love and use them, rather than collecting dust in my cabinet. 

In many ways, this purge has been more about examining the reasons I've been keeping these things, and less about the items themselves. It's not about whether they are useful or beautiful (a la William Morris), rather, it's asking myself if the only reason I'm holding onto them is for the memories associated with them, even if they aren't my memories. What I'm realizing (thanks in part to Let It Go: Downsizing Your Way to a Richer, Happier Life by Peter Walsh, $4.99 for the Kindle version as of the time of writing, and worth it if you're simplifying, downsizing, or preparing to move loved ones), is that the memories are enough...I don't need the things too.

While working on dinner this week, I looked up and "saw" this candle on the ledge of the pass-through window to the dining room. I say "saw" because it's actually been sitting in my kitchen ever since a friend gave it to me for Christmas...several years ago. I've seen it almost every day, but never took the time to do anything with it. It just sat there, as life went on. But as I looked at it this time I suddenly knew...it was time. Light the candle. Enjoy the smell, the flame, the reminder to find JOY at that moment. And when the moment is over, toss or pass it on.

 
I am thankful for these simple truths that are being revealed to me this holiday season. Find joy, use it up, share it with others, enjoy it, and cherish the memory without holding onto the stuff. Life, and specifically Christmas, is about so much more.

January (Book Talk and Whole House Purge Update)

Here we are - the first month of 2022! And...it's the first post of the 12 (minimum) I've committed to writing this year. If you're short on time or there is too much, here's the "let me sum up" version:

BOOKS: Last year my one goal was to clean off/read through "The Stack" on my nightstand, but, despite reading 72 books in 2021, only a sliver of them came from The Stack, while the rest were re-reads, read aloud to the kids, or Kindle ebooks. I give myself grace with that though, and it just means that I will continue to give updates from The Stack this year as I work towards my 2022 Goodreads goal of 75 books! So far I've read (or re-read) A New Song (5 Stars), Mary Poppins in the Park (4 Stars), The Four-Story Mistake (4 Stars), and A Common Life: The Wedding Story (4.5 stars)...none of which came from The Stack. 😉

PURGE: If you've been following the Facebook page, then you've seen or read about our first two weeks of donation hauls heading out. I'm definitely meeting (and exceeding) my goal of 12 items a day. So far the most surprising purge has been the day I wore some Supergas that I just loved (so cute) and had worn for four years or so, but with recent back and foot pain (hello 40!), the heels of my feet were killing me by the end of the day, and so I came in, took them off, and put them straight into the donation bag. I am past the point in my life where I will sacrifice for cute shoes - especially when they're tennis shoes that are supposed to be comfortable. 

Photo by Glen Carrie on Unsplash

And now, for the "too much" version! Hello to those of you who want the full scoop on the purge. Let's dive right in! 

First off, can I just say that I cannot believe we are already halfway through the first month of 2022?? That's incredible to me. It also means that I need to get my rear in gear to get everyone through the second half of this school year, which means more lesson planning, more book reports, and more moments of panic when I realize how much remains. That being said, while the year was off to a challenging start, literally from minute #1 (long story, don't ask), it's also been a productive two weeks when it comes to the whole house purge.

I stopped counting how many items I was donating shortly after going through a kitchen cabinet early on and coming up with 75 items in one swipe. Needless to say, our home is just (embarrassingly) overly stuffed, and I'm tired of being overwhelmed by it. The plan was to work room by room, with an occasional pass through a cabinet or drawer if I happen to be there anyway, so I've pretty much been stuck in our bedroom for most of the month. And yes, I know it might be shocking to think that I could spend so much time in one room, but with seven people (five of them under the age of 17) in a 2,000 sq. ft. house, our bedroom (along with the laundry room) tends to become the catch-all for all the things that have no home, like medication for a hamster and broken doorstops. 

Some of the tips, tricks, and questions I've been using this time through include:

• Touch it once. If I'm walking out of the room and I see something that has been sitting there for ages, do something with it - take it where it needs to go, throw it away, file it, or stick it in the donation bag. 
• Give honest answers. I'm routinely asking myself now: 
• Do I use/wear it?
• When was the last time I used/wore it?
• If I didn't have it, would I miss it?
• Do I need it or just like it?
• If I like it, would I miss it if it were gone?
• Go with your gut. If I look at something and think, "that should go," don't second guess myself. I'm probably being more honest than if I took a lot of time to decide.
• Using black bags. This is something I heard the Minimal Mom say, and it makes sense. If you use black trashbags, you can't see what's inside...once it's entered the portal, it's gone. This worked really well for the kids.
• Donate quickly. I used to keep piles of donations in the basement or by the backdoor, like purgatory, just waiting to be donated. Instead, they just languished there for months (or sometimes years), collecting dust. This time, as soon as a bag or box is full, I put it in the back of my car. When the back is full (or once a week, whichever comes first), I drive to Goodwill and drop it off, which leaves little time for second guessing a donation.

If you're wondering what kind of things I'm ridding myself of, it's everything from pajamas I haven't worn in years (and probably never will again) to socks that I was keeping because the color is hard to find now (but I never wear, because the pants they matched no longer fit!). It's cute plates for various holidays that I've held onto so we could use them with the kids, only to realize that my life is too busy for cute plates and we use paper plates for the holidays. And Easter decorations, when I realized I don't like celebrating Easter with eggs and bunnies, because it means far more to me than that. It's movies I no longer find appropriate (or find time to watch), books I'll never read again, and returns I never got around to making. In short, nothing is safe. 

I'm happy with the progress, and, in full disclosure, don't expect the cleanout to be done by January 31st, but that's okay. The 12 in 22 Project, specifically the 12 items a day during this month, was the kick in the pants I needed to be a little more honest with myself, a little harder on the kids to purge, and a little less attached to the stuff that has been slowing taking over our home. And it feels good.

2022 started with a bang, and it feels like life has continued to throw one thing after another at us in the first 14 days of this year. From teenage drama to late night visits to not one, but two urgent care centers with two different family members - I told you it was crazy - having this steadiness of cleaning out has been therapeutic in many ways. I can't control much in this life (really nothing at all), but I can put things in a bag and make them go away, and some days that's just enough. 

What are you learning in 2022?

Creature Comforts

I love winter. I suspect I may be one of the few people out there who truly feel this way, and it's not because I'm a huge outdoor enthusiast who lives for a week of skiing in the mountains. In fact, I've never been skiing, and have no desire to go. But I am an enthusiast of cozy. Snuggle-friendly blankets, hot mugs of tea, coffee, or cider, comfortable sweaters, early evenings, the glow of candles and the warmth of a fireplace (when you can find one), and - the obvious - a good book. These are my happy place, these are what make me sigh contentedly and think, in the words of Louis Armstrong, What a wonderful world...  

Photo by Joanna Kosinska on Unsplash

However, I've been through periods of my life when no amount of blankets or cups of tea would have brought a smile to my face. The world - my world - felt too dark. But in that darkness, I found the only Comfort that truly matters, and that was the love of my Savior, and His promise to never leave me or forsake me. And when I began to come out of the haze, I remember one of the first things I found enjoyment in again was warming up my tea pot and pouring myself a cup of tea. And I was grateful. Grateful for God's promises and His work in my life, even in the darkest of days. 

I've said it before, joining my voice to a chorus of others, that 2020 was a difficult year that seems to have rolled right over into 2021. But as in any bad situation, there's always something to be thankful for (consider Betsie Ten Boom giving thanks for fleas!), and in the last 12 months, I have learned to be thankful for a slower pace of life, and the little things that bring a smile to my face - such as the Advent calendar of tea that I purchased for the Hubs and I to enjoy during the holidays, or the fuzzy blanket that kept us warm while we battled off a bug. 

So in no particular order, here are a few of the "creature comforts" that have kept me smiling over the last year, and might be of interest to you as we head into the next year of unknown. 

• Scented candles - I always have one burning in our room, or at my desk where I'm working on school stuff for the kids. A recent favorite was the French Baguette candle from Bath & Body Works that smelled exactly like freshly baked bread. Sadly, it is no longer available, but I'd be tempted to give this one a shot if given the chance. 
• Meals in the InstaPot, CrockPot, and rice cooker - With so much time at home, I quickly moved through our repertoire of recipes that most of the family could agree on, so I turned to Google to help me out. Two of our new go-to meals came about as a result of those searches: Easy Slow Cooker Creamy Chicken Chili (we leave out the corn), and Hearty Sausage 'n' Beans (with a couple of ingredient tweaks, and I toss it all in the rice cooker, making it even easier).
• Mood lighting - This past Christmas, I found myself with a short strand of small, clear, LED lights without a purpose. I was about to toss them back in the box when I realized I could wrap them around our headboard. When the holidays were over, I decided the cozy factor was too good to give up, and since they were white, they worked as a year-round addition.

• The Goodreads app - which reminded me that even though it felt like I was spinning my wheels, I was still making progress on one of my 2020 goals.
• Faux fur throw - While browsing around our local TJ Maxx, I pick up one that was similar to the one seen here. Although not typically my style, I love the way it feels and the fact that it's just a bit heavier than a normal blanket. 
• YouTube jazz - whether I'm trying to focus on editing work, or chilling out after all the kids are in their rooms for the night, I love the seasonal jazz channels on YouTube. Check out the Cafe Music BGM Channel for a variety of options, including Rainy Day jazz (one of my favorites).
• Le Creuset Stoneware Tea Mug - this was on my Christmas wish list and my sweet Hubs went for it. I didn't expect for this mug to take the place of my previous favorite (from the Unemployed Philosopher's Guild), but I love the heft of it, the way my hands fit perfectly around it, and its ability to hold heat. 

These are just a few of the creature comforts that have made the last year (and specifically this winter) a little more cozy and fun. It doesn't include the variety of teas that I've picked up and enjoyed from TJ Maxx, Fresh Market, and even Kroger. It also leaves out the baked good that my mother had been dropping off for the last year, or the bag of international snacks that I keep in our room, for those late night catch-up sessions with the Hubs. It doesn't mention the spring days spent laying in our outdoor hammock with a good book, or the sound of the kids playing in the cheap above-ground pool held together with Gorilla Glue tape, but those things also make me smile and whisper, "Thank You, God." It truly is a wonderful world...   

What would you add to this list? 

What makes you smile, brings a sense of warmth to your life (or toes), and helps keep the doldrums away? Leave a note in the comments, because I'd love to hear about it!

A Tale of Two Snowflakes

Last Friday, I had the rare opportunity to be out, by myself, at night. While our son stayed with a friend and the Hubs kept the three youngest girls at home, I drove into a nearby town and dropped our oldest off for a school event and then headed to the mall, like some kind of irresponsible teenager who has nothing better to do on a Friday night. 😊 But unlike my teenage self, I was on a mission. With a $10 off coupon in my purse, I hit up Bath & Body Works to see what might be left on the 75% off displays, thinking ahead to Christmas and birthdays and loading up the shopping bag that was hanging from my arm.

As I tossed $3.25 body washes into the basket and tried to keep from going totally nose deaf after sniffing so many different scents, a large "CLEARANCE" tag caught my eye on the top shelf. It was attached to an over-sized wooden snowflake that had been $60 and was now on sale for $15. I felt myself reaching for it when I heard the associate next to me say, "We have two, if you're interested..." and the next thing I knew I was asking him to put them behind the front counter for me. I knew immediately where I wanted to put them in our home, and I also knew that they would be just what was needed to help blow away the after-Christmas doldrums that always follow the removal of all the holly and jolly decor.

I've written a lot over the years about my desire to simplify. I've shared my rules of "one-in/one-out" and my participation in the William Morris Project. I've talked about my desire to eliminate junk and keep only what is useful and beautiful. I've even been a part of the 12-week uncluttered course that Joshua Becker puts on several times a year. But over time, I've learned that needs change. What worked 10 years ago, doesn't work now. I'm still a fan of clean, clear surfaces -- though if you were to see my work desk where I am typing this at the moment, you wouldn't know that. I still prefer minimal decor to chaotic clutter. I'm still adamant that the kid's toys and art supplies remain in their rooms and designated play areas, while the main portion of the house remains devoted to simplicity. But I also know that I want our house to feel like a cozy home, not some cold, sterile landscape.

The post-Christmas blahs are hard enough. When the tree comes down and the festive lights are packed away, it can easily feel like we've lost all the warmth from the house. In a month with no holidays to celebrate, both school and work starting back up, and long, dark evenings, it's no wonder people immediate look forward to the arrival of spring. But January has always been a month for me that is full of promise and opportunity. The promise of a new year, with new possibilities on the horizon. The opportunity to make changes and try new things and take action on long-held goals. I don't want to rush through the winter months, always looking ahead to what's next on the calendar. January is our month to reset and start well, and just as small steps towards a larger goal shouldn't be overlooked, I think January is worthy of some festive love in the decor department as well.

When I spotted these giant snowflakes on Friday, in an instant I knew they were what our winter home had been missing, and I also knew I had the perfect spots for them. In fact, if I hadn't immediately known where I would place them, I wouldn't have purchased them. And I think that's really the key to the whole idea of #minimalismsimplified, isn't it? It's not that you need to purge the house of all signs of human life, but that you need to have a plan for the stuff BEFORE it comes into your house, just like I usually know what is going OUT before I buy a new pair of shoes or a new sweater.

I haven't read the book, but I watched the show. And yes, I rolled my eyes while people said thank you to the used shoes and old underwear before they put them in the trash bags. But Marie Kondo's way of folding t-shirts has definitely made a difference in our dresser drawers (even the Hubs is a fan), and the idea of looking at things and asking if they spark joy isn't necessarily a bad thing. For example, I knew as soon as I saw the snowflakes that they made me smile. I knew where I would put them. I knew I would be willing to get rid of other things if necessary in order to store them. All of that put together meant that I felt it was worth $30 to bring them into our house. And the end result? The kids loved them, the hubs admitted to them being a nice addition, and whenever I walk through our dining room, I grin. Whether you call that "sparking joy" or simply see it as fun decor, I think winter just got a little bit friendlier, don't you? 

What's On My Nightstand (The #MinimalismSimplified Edition)

Last month I read Goodbye, Things: The New Japanese Minimalism (Fumio Sasaki) through the Prime library of books available to borrow through Amazon. Although I have been interested in minimalism for a number of years now (even blogging about my attempts to purge in the past), my focus on simplifying and clearing out has definitely evolved into more of a necessity for sanity after we adopted our five kids in 2016.

The draw of minimalism first started about twelve years ago, when the Hubs and I worked internationally and lived out of our suitcases. Whenever we would come back to our home base in the States, I would look around our house and wonder why I needed so much stuff if, the rest of the year, I could live out of a suitcase or two. And thus began my own journey of pairing down and simplifying. Nothing as extreme as Mr. Sasaki and his empty rooms, but resulting in a change of behavior and several large trips to a local non-profit for donations upon our full-time return to life in the U.S. in 2009.

A few years later, during our adoption prep, we did a pretty substantial purge of the house and basement, taking car load after car load to the donation site (to the point that I was becoming embarrassed to show up for fear of looking like hoarders - which, in all honesty, I was beginning to feel like!). After the kids arrived we had to find a way to deal with all of the detritus that children tend to collect - papers from school, craft projects, rubber bands, dollar toys, party favors, and (literally) trash that they beg to keep (I just told a daughter this week that, yes, she had to throw away the paper plate from a church party rather than take it home to use with her dolls). It is a never-ending battle to keep the house cleared of the clutter, and just when I feel like I'm getting a handle on it... summer camps arrive.

The struggle is real.

So when I saw goodbye, things in the Prime library, I didn't think twice before clicking "download" and beginning to read. As I have figure out what it means to have a houseful of people (7 of us), I have developed my own brand of minimalism. Trash goes out, special objects go in the memory box (I have one for each kid), and we regulate a lot of stuff to "jail" if it cannot be put away properly at night. The kids are learning, and we're working to help them figure out the difference between buying for need and buying for wants. I am constantly looking around the house to see if there's something more I can put out. This week, for example, it was 11 mugs that I would have considered "must keeps" two years ago, but I now realize that we use the same 4 mugs all the time, so why keep the rest? Baby steps.

Specifically about this book, I want to say three things:

First, it is well written. I know nothing about the author, but based on the number of times that he mentions an English language learning book or program, I'm making the assumption that English is not a strong second language for him, and yet the book is written in English (again, assuming it was put through a translation process). Well thought out, well laid out, and easy to work through. I enjoyed his 55 and 15 points of minimalism and the lessons he learned from his experience.

Second, I appreciated that he makes it clear that there are many levels of minimalism, and there is room for all. That minimalism may mean purging everything for some, or simply gaining perspective for others. One thing that I took away from his book was the fact that I am, without ever thinking about it, a minimalist when it comes to a circle of close friends. Oh yes, I have a very broad group of acquaintances, of varying degrees of closeness, but a very limited circle of "Inkling" friends, which I'd never thought about in terms of minimalism until I read, "Goodbye, Things".

Finally, I feel it's important to include a caution not to turn minimalism into a religion (which it very much can be for some). Otherwise, if you're interested at all in the Japanese take on minimalism (especially of you have access to borrow books through Amazon Prime), I would recommend this as a good starting point. It wasn't earth shattering or full of things I hadn't already thought of or discovered, but it was still thought provoking, and that's always a good thing, in my opinion.

As I continue in my personal quest to calm the clutter, I have realized that - for me - I'm just looking for a simplified life. I don't want minimalism to take over my life or become a god to me, nor do I want to give in to the tide of paperwork and consumerism that threatens to overwhelm. I will not give up the fight in the Great Stuff Battle, but I also understand and accept that in a house of 7, there is going to be more of it and what seems like rubbish to me is something special to a child. Yes, I want a clear desk to work from, but I also want my Jane Austen action figure right there with me, because she makes me smile. I want clutter-free surfaces in my living room (which I have accomplished and kept - a definite win), but unlike Mr. Sasaki, I also want my couch. There's room for simplicity and minimalism as well as comfort and a small amount of chaos - a livable balance. Minimalism Simplified.

Attempting to Tame the Stuff Monster

Consider these "continuing thoughts" from last week's post on what is worth keeping and why we choose to hold on to things...

There have been several times over the years when I have gone through major purge/clean outs of our home and stuff. Whether you want to call it "simplifying" or "minimalizing" or "spring cleaning" the point is that it's a never ending battle - and it's gotten even worse since we've added five extra individuals with...unique...taste about what is worth keeping and what needs to be thrown out.

This high end dollhouse that you got me for my birthday? Don't want it. The piece of scrap paper with three pencil lines on it that some kid at school threw away and I dug out and brought home? PRICELESS.

As a recovering control freak (it's a lifelong battle), I'm learning how to let go and let each of the kids select (within reason) what's important to them, and what should be given or thrown away. It's an ongoing process - helping them to be okay with telling me, "No, I really don't think I'll play with it, let's give it away," while also learning how to use the trashcan appropriately and how to be gracious when someone (family, friends, strangers) gives them something that they don't like, but might need.

I don't think this problem is unique to kids who have been adopted internationally, it's just human nature. In my experience, most people are either natural pack rats or they love to be clean and tidy. Or you could be like some of us who love the outcome of clean and tidy, but struggle with pack rat tendencies. {Raises hand}

I vividly recall holding on to every McDonald's Happy Meal toy (I took the theme of "collect them all!" to heart), saving acorn caps from my friend's yard, and asking my mom for her empty food boxes so I could have a larger stash in my play kitchen. When I was about 6, my grandmother came to visit and suggested that I select something to collect so that I could focus on just one thing. I chose rabbits...and then I chose seashells...and then I chose lighthouses. I was an expert at collecting a LOT of "one things" - which made my first move with the Hubs extremely challenging.

After almost 18 years of marriage, several moves, living life out of a suitcase for four years, and two home remodeling projects, I've gotten a lot better at letting things go and living with the memories. Instead of coming home from our trips with a plethora of tourist junk that I really won't use, I've learned how to carefully and thoughtfully select an ornament for our Christmas tree and occasionally make that our splurge from the trip. I have the money to spend $40 on an amazing ornament that makes me grin like a Cheshire cat because I'm not spending $3 and $6 on a multitude of trinkets that will eventually end up in the donation box.

Before we brought the kids home, I wrote to some family members and requested that they remove about half of the items in our kid's bedrooms because we realized that it would be too much for them to deal with. After we deposited the kids in their beds at 4 am on Black Friday, the Hubs and I opened the door to our bedroom and were met with the sight of box upon box of that "extra" stuff, stacked all over the room. It was overwhelming. Over the last 14 months that we've been back, I have slowly found homes for most of it - stored in our basement to come out later, doled out over time to the kids, or given away because I realized that they'd never use it or appreciate it. However, adding five kids to the mix has only added to the clutter, but I refuse to give in and give up.

A couple of weeks ago, much to the dismay of our three youngest girls, we spent the afternoon and evening pairing down their clothes from excessive to reasonable. Organization was introduced into the chaos, and even though one daughter in particular kept announcing, "I'm going to DIE!" whenever we told her she had to get the number of shirts down to 10, in the end, the room (and the children) were more peaceful and at ease. Best of all for this mama, the next morning before school there were no cries of, "I don't know what to wear!"

Fewer clothes = fewer choices = less stressed out kids. 

It was a "well, duh!" moment, but don't we all have those from time to time?

In a world where more is supposedly better, and "withholding" things from children could somehow land them on a psych couch in their 40s, how is one supposed to sort out needs from wants, and then clearly and successfully teach that to your children? When they are being bombarded with all the latest and greatest at school from their classmates, how am I supposed to explain why less is actually more? It's an ongoing discussion around this house, as we sort out how to share our desire for less with their requests for more. For now, we'll start with the closet and work our way from there.

To Keep or Not to Keep...That is My Question

Ever since Christmas, I've been working hard to turn our bedroom back into a sanctuary instead of a storehouse for everything that I don't know what to do with. You see, our bedroom is the one room in our house that still remains off limits to the kids. As (sometimes cranky) INTJs, we know that these two introverts need a place to run and hide when it becomes too loud or too extroverted everywhere else in the house (our extroverted children do not, of course, understand our need for this). While it's been nice to have that space, it was far from relaxing because of the clutter that had spread out over every surface and been tucked into every nook and cranny. 

As life with the five has started to mellow out, some of what we were storing has been handed over to them for their care (things like hair brushes - yes, in the beginning we even had to keep those!), while other things have found new homes in various household locations. Some of what was collecting in the room was just trash - scribbles from the kids, broken Dollar Tree toys for dad to "fix" that were long forgotten, empty boxes from items that had been brought into the room but the box never made it back out. We'd been living like that for a year and I was starting to feel like an overwhelmed hoarder. Something had to change.

When the Hubs and I exchanged tea-themed gifts at Christmas (totally unplanned), I had a vision of creating a tea center at one end of my work desk. However, standing between my dream and me was a mountain of junk that had collected over the last year and apparently had no place to call home. Over the holidays, I took every opportunity to begin purging. Trash bags went directly out of the room through our window and off to the trashcan. Items that we could use later went downstairs to the basement. Boxes of books, clothes, and more went into our laundry room, awaiting the next trip to my favorite local charity. It took several weeks, but as the room began to clear out, I felt my stress level start to drop as well. Walking into our bedroom - even though it still doubled as my office - became a peaceful part of my day. 

As I cleaned out and rearranged the room, I began to look at what I was (and am) still choosing to store, and the question that kept coming to mind was a simple one: WHY? 

One example of this is our physical music collection, including a large trunk of vinyl records, a box full of {don't judge me} cassette tapes, and an entire cabinet of CDs of all genres. For a number of reasons, I find myself loathe to part with any of them, but the irony wasn't lost on me that as I was packing up the CD collection to store it under the bed, I was doing so while listening to unlimited jazz through our Amazon Prime account. If Prime provides me with such a large offering of a variety of genres, why am I hanging on to all the physical versions that I *almost never* pull out and listen to? 

• Is there a piece of my Depression-era grandparents that I inherited through my genes? 
• Would I really be missing out if I didn't have DC Talk's Jesus Freak album close at hand? 
• If I never heard Psalty and Charity Churchmouse sing in that warbled way that only cassettes can offer, would I honestly care? 
• What am I saving all the records for...posterity? My retirement? Does anyone really want to buy "Hans Brinker and the Silver Skates" on LP? 

I don't have answers to any of those questions...I just know that I find myself weary of storing STUFF and feeling so tied down by the need for storage rooms and plastic bins and under-bed storage. There will be an answer for us, lying somewhere between overwhelmed hoarder and minimalist Jane, but the key is to figure out where that sweet spot is for us. One thing I already suspect is that Psalty and the DC Talk gang probably won't get an invitation to join us.

For Best Results, Use Other Side

So here's the deal... I'm a sucker for mugs. This has been a long-standing obsession that started on our honeymoon back at the turn of the century (wow - how old does that make us sound?!), and the collection grew from there.

After a few years overseas and a desire to simplify our lives (and cabinets), I began to purge the mugs that meant little or nothing to me, keeping only those that made me smile or--with each sip--transported me to a far away locale or brought a delightful memory to mind.

Seemingly unrelated (hang with me), but since the kids arrived last year, our bedroom has become our private sanctuary (much needed for these two INTJs).  Bringing five kids into the mix meant that I lost my dedicated office space and our bedroom absorbed my work zone. The long desk space just begged for junk to cover it, and with the aforementioned five children there was always plenty of it to go around. School papers, stuff to file, and miscellaneous paraphernalia were drawn to the desk space like a moth to a flame, and our so-called sanctuary quickly became the collection area for everything that had no home of its own.

After 12 months of chaos, I'd had enough! Just before Christmas I made a concerted effort to finally get my office desk cleaned off in order to repurpose/reclaim one half of it as a tea center. While I was busy buying specialty teas and a thermos for the Hub's Christmas, unbeknownst to me, HE was busy buying an electric kettle and two fantastic new mugs for me. Great minds, and all that.

His half of the the final outcome included two additions from The Unemployed Philosophers Guild. If you haven't heard of them before, you're probably not alone. Although left-leaning in their merchandise, they do have some bright spots - for example, these beauties with quotes from Sherlock Holmes and Jane Austen. I just can't help but release a deep sigh of contentment while sipping Pomegranate Oolong from a mug that states, "There is nothing more deceptive than an obvious fact" - among other quotes from the mind of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's great detective. Or this fantastic quip from the timeless Austen, "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife."

I was, of course, ecstatic when I unwrapped them on Christmas, but it was a small piece of paper that fell out of them after I removed them from the box that really hit my funny bone.

Are mugs new to you?

Do you already own a mug?

Are you using it correctly?

The Unemployed Philosophers Guild cares. For helpful tips that will lead to years of happy and successful mug ownership, watch our instructional video.

Well, with an offer like that before me, I couldn't help but go find out what I've been doing wrong all these years as a mug owner! If you're curious...

Finally, the answers I've been looking for on "proper mug utilization" which even covers my specific usage in a room that happens to be both home AND workplace. How convenient is that? 

Although they don't fall in the No. 1 spot of all-time favorite Christmas gifts, these mugs definitely rank up there in the top 10, and I'm thrilled to have added them to our private collection (who doesn't want a mug that tells you to use the other side for best results?!). If you're looking for a unique birthday gift for a left-leaning family member, a closet Trekkie, a math nerd, or a Dr. Who fanatic, you're pretty much guaranteed to find something unique at philosophersguild.com. 

Cheers!

The Moving Conundrum

We live in a house with three bedrooms, three bathrooms (thank you, Lord!), a great kitchen, a large yard, and a small mortgage. When it was just the two of us, it felt spacious and inviting and we couldn't imagine ever moving. This house was turned into our home through a lot of hard work. I'm super proud of the fact that the brick wall on the outside of our house was laid by my hands, that my stud of a husband built and raised the back wall of our kitchen by himself, ingeniously using a system of ropes and pulleys, that I faced my fear of heights to help him hoist every 4 x 8 sheet of roofing up through the attic, and that the tiles in our bathroom were all cut by me and installed by the Hubs. This house is an outpouring of our blood (literally), sweat, and savings. In the words of George Stanley Banks, I love this house.  

When we decided to adopt four kids (before it bumped up to five), we knew we had a short window of time (and money) to finally renovate the front half of our 1940 bungalow. Being a few years older this time, we hired out more of the work, but still put in plenty of sweat equity in order to complete the job. By the time we were done, the front bedroom included a walk-in-closet, an upstairs loft, and an en suite bathroom. The living room and dining room looked like we always imagined they could, and the original 9' ceilings were back in all their glory. I never wanted to move.

And then we were matched with five kids - including a boy - and suddenly, instead of putting four girls in two rooms, we were going to put all four in one room (with the loft) and the boy in his own, smaller room. And the house started to shrink. Still, I knew that I didn't want to take care of much more than what we already had, so when people asked if we were planning to upsize our home, we rebuffed the idea completely. While in Central America to adopt the kids we all lived in a two bedroom, two bath, 900 sq. ft. condo, so when we returned to the States two months later, our house felt palatial! Until one day it didn't.

What we - as brand new parents - failed to factor in was the differences in nighttime habits and bedtimes between a 4 year old and a 12 year old. And suddenly, the need for another bedroom became clear. At first we discussed ways to add on to our house - AGAIN - or create a fourth bedroom somewhere in the existing space, but each idea came to a dead end. This left us with the option of moving - something we never would have considered in years past, but found ourselves discussing more and more often.

In fact, this last week we went beyond talking and actually went to look at three different houses. It felt a bit like Goldilocks - this one is too small, this one is too tight, and the price on this one (before the necessary gutting and renovating) is just right. There's something about stepping out from theory and actually looking at houses to make you appreciate what you already have.

Yes, we still see a move in our future, but what these houses showed us was that the timing wasn't right - we were forcing it. There are financial goals that we'd like to meet before we upgrade and house projects we'd prefer to complete before taking on something new, so for the time being, we've settled back into a life that's working - if not perfectly, at least well enough. Home is, after all, wherever you are loved, and we have plenty of that to go around.

Clutter, Stewardship, and The "One Touch" Rule

There's a part of my personality that absolutely abhors clutter - in all it's various forms. Curious thing though, had you walked into our home two months ago (or into our basement for any of the 15 years we've lived in this house), you might have wondered if that side of me had gone into long-term hibernation.

During the days of waiting on adoption paperwork and country decisions, there's not much that these two recovering-INTJs can control. We'd filled out the forms (in triplicate), made copies of everything, shipped it all off to be processed, and were feeling a bit out of sorts with the time we had on our hands. However, it was during this lull in activity that the blinders to the household chaos seemed to come off, and we were truly appalled by what we saw.

Stuff. Everywhere. Stuff in the closets, stuff on the counters, piles upon piles, and enough empty cardboard boxes to move an army. The switch flipped and we went into major purge mode.

For the first time since we moved in, you can walk through all areas of our basement without tripping over Styrofoam coolers, shopping bags that used to hold jar candles but were now just housing the empty paper wrapping, and a plethora of "we might be able to use this some day" mistake purchases.

The result of cleaning out the clutter was more than just peace of mind and tidy spaces, it was a very timely reminder of a large chunk of our lives when we were less frugal than we would like anyone to know.

In the weeks since our purge, we have both implemented the principle of "touch it once" - meaning that when something comes into the house, we aim for the goal of touching it one time. It comes in, and we deal with it. We file it, store it, toss it, or use it immediately. It doesn't find a home on the kitchen counter for the next month. It doesn't get tossed on the basement floor to be dealt with later. If we don't know where to put it, we find a permanent home so it doesn't get flung into a spare closet to disappear for years.

In fact, part of this purge came about when we found out we needed to turn our guest bedroom into a room for a little boy (we were set up for 4 girls, but when those girls had a little brother... bye-bye guest room!). Losing the guest bedroom meant we also lost the last remaining "spare" closet in the house, so everything in there had to either find a new storage home or disappear. It's amazing how much of it left after we realized that we hadn't pulled it out in years. Lack of storage can be a (first world) pain, but an excess of it can be just as bad when it causes you to keep stuff you don't need, don't like, don't want, and don't use. 

Over a month out, our kitchen counters are still clean, our dining table is still free of piles, our basement is actually a pleasant place to spend time, and our wallets are more securely stowed. Developing a habit - good or bad - doesn't happen overnight, but one day at a time. One day at a time, we're choosing to pick up, put away, and deal with the mess in the moment instead of putting it off for later. It makes me wonder...

...what else in my life have I been putting off until later that would free up mental space if I just did it now? 

Something to think about...

Online Weekend Reading (OWR): Travel, Stand Up, Design

I had all these links ready to go last week, and then last week happened, so they went on hold and now here we are - Happy Friday! 

This is an odd one coming from me, I know, but the Hubs and I find ourselves asking the same question whenever we hit the roads: why can't anyone drive any more?? People making bad judgement calls with a 2-ton vehicle, people posting on Facebook WHILE DRIVING, people who slow to a crawl because it's RAINING - and that's just for a start. Though this study focused specifically on newly licensed drivers, it's indicative of what we've experienced on our own roads - from drivers of all ages. Do not read this article while you are driving (but do read it)! http://fleetowner.com/blog/diagnosis-drivers-bedeviled-inexperience-lack-skills

• Favorite Takeaway: "... researchers also noted that previous studies of newly licensed teenage drivers indicate that they exit their 'learner period' with significant skill deficits, leading to a much higher risk of crashing compared with more experienced drivers. Their most common types of crashes? Left turns, rear-end events, and running off the road."

It's summer, which means it's time for many people to hit the road on a family vacation. Not us this year, sadly, but that doesn't mean we don't dream about returning to our once-home, always favorite city of Boston. If you don't vacation because you don't think you can afford it, Vanessa's post might change your mind. Bottom line: 2 days, Boston, meals out - including lobster, for just $200. While I won't be booking a hostel bunk in the foreseeable future, there are still a lot of helpful tips for saving money in Beantown: http://www.turnipseedtravel.com/blog/200-challenge-boston

• Favorite Quote: "I think it's fair to say I've never eaten so well on a $200 Challenge and I never thought that lobster and value travel could go hand in hand!"

It's no secret - I love Paris. In theory - Paris was the place where people go to find love. In reality - I didn't expect to fall in love with the city itself (nor did the Hubs), but that's exactly what happened. Now, I'm not dumb enough to think that living there would be the same as spending a week in a perfectly placed apartment on vacation, but the fact of the matter is, I certainly wouldn't mind giving it a try. If you ever get the chance to go, I highly recommend it - and bookmark this "Must Do" list from Girls Guide to Paris: http://girlsguidetoparis.com/girls-guide-faves/must-dos-paris/

• Personal Recommendations: I can vouch for #1 and #9. We stumbled upon #1 by accident (and I left with two books and a cloth shopping bag), and #9 was sought out and worth the walk.

By now you've probably picked up that I work from home (freelance editor, social media specialist, and book launch pro), and that means I spend a lot of my day sitting at a desk. In fact, I can go for hours at a time and forget to stand up, and this has caused a number of back and neck issues for me. Last week, I pulled out a lap tray with legs and an old keyboard and hacked myself a standing desk that still works when I need to sit. This article from Mashable backs up my own experience - it's time to stand up! http://mashable.com/2015/06/02/sitting-study-office-workers/

• Key Takeaway: "... the hazards of sitting too much have been compared to those of smoking, with research suggesting people who spend most of their days seated are more likely to be fat, have heart problems, cancer and even die earlier."

Within 24 hours of buying our house (built: 1940), Peter put a hole through the kitchen/dining room wall and our life as perpetual renovators started. In the 14 years that we've owned our home we have torn apart, demolished, or completely gutted, replaced, or added on to every room in our house, including a total revamp of our "updated in the 60's" kitchen. We love all the changes, but it's our kitchen that everyone walks in and comments on, and I blame that on the wall of widows - let there be light, indeed! This light kitchen (highlighted by The Inspired Room) is worth looking at for inspiration: http://theinspiredroom.net/2015/06/08/small-space-remodeling-tip-kitchen/

• Favorite Quote: "...the interior window allows the kitchen to still feel like a separate (and quieter) space if you want it to, while removing the visual barrier of a full wall. Light is so important in a kitchen, and in a small house more light will mean feeling less closed off or claustrophobic."

*   *   *   *   *

What are YOU reading (online or off)?

Christmas Tour of Homes 2014 with @thenester

Last week I wrote about finding a simple balance in our newly remodeled home and our ever changing life. Our goal of simplifying extends to the Christmas season as well, the desire to store less and focus more on why we are celebrating.

Because we're now 200+ days into this home renovation project (and still not done), the only Christmas spirit being shown to the outside world is our Christmas tree through the window, and fresh pine wreaths on the front and back doors. And this year, that is enough.

After living in chaos for the past 8 months, I've realized that figuring out what is enough for you and your family from year to year is what makes your house into a home. In past years, the front of the house has been picture perfect and Christmas decor has crept into almost every corner of our home, from kitchen to bathroom to spaces that guests will never see.

This year, I'm living with tools and wood scraps, bags of insulation and cans of paint. Instead of walking in to a twinkle light wonderland by the backdoor, we have the evidence of home construction and life.

 

I could stage the pictures to show you what I want you to see, or I can share what our house really looks like as we turn it into a home. It's still Christmas, it's just not as neat - similar to the very first Christmas, when our Savior was born in a barn. Hardly neat or picture worthy, but part of the perfect story that God authored.

At first glance, our bedroom looks beautiful. But turn the camera to show the real truth and you will discover that it's also my home office - home to piles, boxes, and a big metal filing cabinet. It's not Pottery Barn, it's not a minimalists dream, but it's practical for the work I need to do. And during the month of December, it becomes a warm and inviting location to spend my days in front of a computer. One swivel in my chair and I am faced with a patchwork Christmas quilt on our bed - not really my style, but because it was lovingly handmade by my mother it is cherished and on display.

The hallway just outside our bedroom is waiting to be painted, and pictures lean against the wall as they wait to be hung. The guest bathroom has no toilet nor sink, the front bedroom has no trim or furniture, but we're getting there - one step at a time. In many ways, it's a parallel to my life as a Christian. I may look like I have it all together on the outside, but inside, I have piles and areas in need of repair. Like my house, I am a work in progress.

As I walk around our home, I pray for those unknown folks who will use this new space in the future, and that the house God has entrusted to our care will be a blessing to others. May the result of our labors be a warm and welcoming space, playing a role in the story that God is writing for us.

Merry Christmas! 

Therefore the Lord himself shall give you a sign; 

Behold, a virgin shall conceive, and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel.

[...]

For a child will be born to us, a son will be given to us;

And the government will rest on His shoulders;

And His name will be called 

Wonderful Counselor, 

Mighty God,

Eternal Father, 

Prince of Peace.

{Isaiah 7:14 & 9:6}

Find more links at the Nester's Christmas Tour of Homes

Finding A Simple Balance

While sitting in our newly renovated living room this past weekend, the Hubs and I were discussing our desire to keep things simple. Removing the clutter during the home renovation has reminded us of just how much of our stuff we can live without and never miss.

As we sipped our morning coffee - using the same two Christmas mugs that we always use - the Hubs made a statement that I have been thinking about ever since."We are minimalists," he said, "but without being a part of the movement."

Confession: I'm quite sure that if there was some kind of litmus test to qualify as a minimalist, I - and my house - would not pass. The desk in my home office isn't one of those sleek, clean, magazine worthy spots. There are stacks and piles, picture frames and tissue boxes, a basket from Botswana and a Jane Austen action figure. My filing cabinet is covered in magnets from our travels... and dust. My office space is for working, not show, and it represents a side of me that is more sentimental than simplistic. 

But in many ways, the Hubs is right. Over the last six years - ever since we abandoned our traveling nomad/suitcase living life - we have greatly simplified our space. From wall art to furnishings, closets, shoes, and kitchenware - everything but the books, which I declared off limits - we've slowly turned our house into our home.

So while our tastes have gotten decidedly simpler over the years, no, we're not a part of the ever growing minimalism movement. Though I prefer clear counters and neat closets, I am not defined by the amount of stuff I have, or don't have. I don't want to be so consumed by taking care of things, or so worried about losing/breaking/ruining something that I instead lose/break/ruin the possibility to develop a relationship or foster an opportunity.

Since the completion of the living/dining space, the Hubs and I often find ourselves saying, "I can't believe this is our home. It's so beautiful!" We are beyond blessed to have it; but we also realize that just having a home that we love - or that is paid off - shouldn't be the end goal. If we don't share it and use it to bless others, then we aren't really being a good steward of the Lord's resources. 

I'm an INTJ, which means that somewhere in the midst of simplifying and minimalizing, there has to be some common sense. I've been called "minimalistic" because I am selective in what I choose to bring into our home, and picky about what I allow to stay; but that doesn't mean I mindlessly purge. Sheets that no longer fit my style gain a second life as paint cloths, furniture covers, and plant protection on frosty nights. Holey t-shirts are ripped up to become rags for the Hubs to use on an oily engine.

Keeping life simple isn't about joining the current minimalist movement, or crowing about how you lived with or without something for a set amount of time. It's about practicing stewardship - with your money, your things, your home, your time and your talents. It's understanding that you can't take it with you when you die, so there's no reason to hold tightly to it now.

The simple balance that we strive for is this: that we may steward the STUFF that God has entrusted to us, enjoying it while it's in our care, and sharing it willingly as we follow the story that He is writing. 

#HouseToHome2014: Before and After (Part 1)

Three days before Thanksgiving, the Hubs announces over breakfast, "I've made an executive decision." After I raised an eyebrow, he continued, "I'm taking tomorrow and Wednesday off so that I can get the living room and dining room done before Friday so we can go get a tree." Well now, that's an executive decision I wasn't about to argue with!

Proverbs 31 talks about a husband praising his wife at the city gates. While Carrie's Busy Nothings isn't exactly the "city gates", it's as close to a public platform as I will ever get, and I cannot sing my husband's praises high enough. He worked from morning to night, nailing trim, painting, cleaning, even assembling two new cabinets for the living/dining separation.

On Thursday night, after a day of visiting with family and friends, and stuffing ourselves with turkey and pie, we returned home to move the Ektorp back into our living room and selectively return art to the walls. You might recall the post I wrote in 2011 when I did an initial purge of our wall decor... I was more brutal this time around. #MinimalismHappens

Although we love the outcome of our project (which is only half done!), over the last week we've both confessed that it no longer felt like our home. As strange as that sounds, it's actually quite accurate. The living space looks nothing like it did for the last 14 years that we have lived in this house, so in many respects it's like we've moved to a new location and now have to figure out how to make it feel like home. I'm not complaining - just getting used to it.

If you follow my Facebook page (which is FAR. MORE. ACTIVE. than this blog!), you'll have seen the progress of this project along the way. But just in case there are some here who don't follow the #HouseToHome2014 saga on Facebook, here's the Before and After update, along with some specific details (which several of you have asked for)...

In April 2014, the living room and dining room looked like this...

In May 2014, it looked like a tornado had ripped through the house...

By June we had started rebuilding, optimistic that we'd be done by August (ish)...

When the house still looked like this in August, we knew we might have miscalculated...

Sheetrock was delivered in October... (and if you just read that as "Sherlock", you're not alone!)

Sheetrock was hung in October (not by us - we learned that lesson 10 years ago!)...

Then the finishing began (again, not by us... lesson learned!)...

Early November we found someone to sand & refinish the floors (Hubs had already repaired them)...

Once the floors were done, we covered them all with plastic and started painting...

Mid- November, Hubs started the time-consuming task of trimming doors and windows...

Oh, and trimming the walls too... (check out those original 9' ceilings!)

The day before Thanksgiving we started detail painting (which is when I came in)...

By Wednesday night, it looked like this, with outlets and cover plates...

On Friday morning it had furniture and power for the first time in 7 months...

And then the Christmas decorating started... 

but that's a post for another day!

BEFORE/AFTER:

Nitty Gritty Details:

Paint Color: Valspar Sea Salt Blue in semi-gloss (yes, we use semi-gloss on everything: walls, ceiling, trim)

Cabinets: Patterson Cabinet | Crate & Barrel

Couch: Ektorp | Ikea (3 years later & I still love it!)

Dining Chairs: Antique Black Dining Chairs | Target (we've acquired 10 over the years - love them!)

Light Fixture: Home Depot (11 years ago)

Dining Table: My grandparents (60+ years old)